* Author Topic: This parenting is sooo much harder in real life than it was in my dreams  (Read 5010 times)

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Offline wibble-wobble

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For some reason I'm really on a downer about the whole New Year thing

Hate myself
Hate my job

And no it's not going to get better anytime soon. About what now I wish I'd paid more interest at school and got some decent qualifications not just gcse's. Maybe if I'd done that I wouldn't be stuck in my brain dead role that I had no choice of stepping down to when mat leave ended.

Think I need to look into learning from home, I'm going nowhere fast or quickly if I have to wait for little Wobble to go to school.  As much as I sometimes used to moan about my previous job I really do miss having that little bit of responsibility and using my brain. I'm wishing 2017 away already as I know next year I'll get some help with nursery funding so will have a few hours spare to improve my standing in life.... Another year doing this bullshit job though  ::)

Pretty sure little Wobble hates me at the minute, maybe because I'm moody and miserable. Af is also due so that could well explain my downer on everything, that and little to no contact with the outside world for a while. Feels like I've stopped socialising.


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    Offline wibble-wobble

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    This miserable one is back feeling a little well a lot actually happier than Jan 1st.

    I'm a new year blue just can't help it, always spend time dwelling on the people no longer with us and missing them more than any other day. Thinking about another whole year ahead of never seeing them and sharing good times again.

    My job still gets on my tits too... Whoever coined the phrase. 'The customer is always right' 1. Clearly never worked in retail and 2. Was a sore loser that hated being wrong and 3. Was probably a Twit 😄 

    Counting down, wishing my life away in a work sense still... Hate my job but trying to get more hours... Makes no sense but hoping if I can get seen when there are more managers about then maybe just maybe someone will pick up on my eagerness to use my brain again and give me something to challenge me.

    I also need some extra hours to pay for Little Wobble to go to nursery. There is no way I could afford to send her without so effectively any extra work I get (if I do) I'll be doing for nothing. But I know it'll just be so worth it for her to mix with kids her age. I know she's bored of me all week and needs more, she's bright I don't think I do enough to encourage her potential ???

    Offline wibble-wobble

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    Back to the issue of sleep or almost none of it.

    Little Wobble was a pretty bad sleeper most of the time from very early on until 14 months or so when we finally got to a stage where she would sleep from 7pm all the way through to 8am!!

    Until 14 months she could wake up to 4 times a night. For a while I tried to settle her in her own room and go back to bed myself. But there comes a point where you think to hell with it I really need to sleep and she will sleep next to me. So that is what we did. Spent months of having a back in bulk from sleeping in some weird and wonderful positions in the tiniest amount of space imaginable  ;D

    Little Wobble has always been an awful napper too, even now its rare for day time sleep to happen and guidelines state a 2 year old should for an hour and a half.  When she didn't object to being in the buggy I'd walk for miles each nap time in all weather's have you ever tried to get an unwilling toddler into a buggy?

    I've never been able to leave little Wobble to simply fall asleep, its just something that she couldn't or wouldn't do. Some say its making a rod for your own back not doing some kind of sleep training or controlled crying. I wasn't comfortable with them so staying with her until she's asleep is the way it always has been. Apart from the few times I said mummy back in a minute to see if she'd drift off. That could result in her chattering away to herself for 2 hours or more and still waking her usual time the next day. I much prefer knowing she is asleep and will in theory get enough hours to function right the next day. So I lose up to an hour of my chill time in the evening, in the grand scheme of things its not going to be forever and she does give me the best cuddles, kisses, Eskimo kisses and a relatively new one a dog kiss  ;D funny but pretty gross too!

    Offline wibble-wobble

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    I was asked recently by a colleague (a lot younger than my ageing years.... God I feel old, I'm almost old enough to be the mother of some of the people I work with)what my feelings are on the people that get pregnant easily, the whole infertility thing and me not wanting anymore babies.

    It was assumed that I'd have some kind of raging hate towards those that have unexpected or unwanted pregnancies. The truth of it is no I'm not filled with hate or resentment towards them, in a way I feel sorry for them. They are totally being thrown in at the deep end and are probably not ready physically, emotionally, financially (are you ever?) They may have a partner they have known 5 minutes or not have one at all, both options a strain.

    The people that 'pop' them out just for the financial gain I pity the babies that are born and not loved as they should be.

    The ones that are just plain careless (didn't think it could happen twice, or I'm getting older thought I was infertile as I didn't get caught last month... Really someone has said that to me) I don't even know what to say I feel in those circumstances. Well they should have known better and they now have to live with the consequences of their actions. Sure they'll deal with it, won't be easy but they'll find a way. Life finds a way of getting you through it.

    Those that have abortions, while its not something I've had to ever consider for myself and I wouldn't abort a baby simply because of an impact it may have on my life, I realise everyone lives a different life and would have their own set of moral standards... Who am I to judge? They have to live with it not me so while I don't agree with abortion for convenience if others are doing it that is their prerogative. I just hope for their sakes that they don't end up travelling down the infertility road due to carelessness.

    Infertility yes it sucks but I like to think it has made me/us stronger we went through it and survived. It wasn't easy and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm not ashamed to tell people that our daughter is Icsi conceived. She's a science miracle to be proud of, no better or worse than a naturally conceived baby. More wanted than a naturally conceived baby? Probably not, just because we had treatment? Waited so long? Went through so much? Yes she is special to us and our family, but then aren't all babies that are tried for (or even unexpected)

    And yes I am happy with having an only child. It's not just that I'd need treatment for another that we aren't having more.  At 35 I feel I'm too old to have another newborn  I barely coped first time round.... I'm just not cut out for sleepless nights. As much as I love being a mum some women just aren't cut out to be mummy's over and over and I firmly put myself in that bracket. I know my limit

    Offline wibble-wobble

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    Its been a while I haven't abandoned you don't think I ever will  :)

    Little Wobble is getting bigger by day, more chattier by the hour and cheekier by the minute!

    So since my January update I have changed my job, still in the same place just a different department with a little more to keep me occupied and less brain dead! I'm not working all weekend every weekend now either so hopefully more of a chance to reconnect with Mr Wobble. We haven't exactly had much opportunity since I went back to work.... Things are looking up between us already  :)

    Little Wobble started at a nursery, she only goes 1 day a week. She enjoys it and is starting to make friends, beginning to share.

    She counts to 50 now (she says twentythirty, thirtyforty etc once she's gone up to the 9 but they are little mistakes and cute)  :o she amazes me with all the things she knows for 2 1/2 year old.

    We went on our first mini holiday, by mini I mean we never left the country  ;D it was tiring but fun.

    Mr Wobble has fallen out with his mum again, last time it was right when we were in the middle of our fresh cycle 5 years ago. If I'm honest I don't think things have been the same between us all since then.

    I personally never got to ask why I was ignored or talked about in such a nasty way. On the making up between mother and son, I was simply given a hug and told lets just let the past few months be.... For an easy life I went along with it, just always being careful of what I commented on, had an opinion on. I guess over time our visits there became less and less. Mr Wobble never seemed to want to go and I got fed up of asking shall we go.

    It was mothers day they fell out, I don't know exactly what over as he hasn't told me, only bits I know is mil feels like she is missing out on little Wobble and he apparently doesn't like his stepdad.

     I found out Easter Monday when mil pretty much treated me like something she'd scrapped off her shoe... No one has ever made me feel the way she did that day! Last time they fell out I never saw her for the whole time, I swear if I had and she'd treated me this way then I never would have accepted her hug and lets be friends and pretend nothing happened bullcrap! I've already decided I won't just go round and accept a half assed lets forget it happened if they resolve their differences this time. I want to know exactly what her problem with me was when I hadn't seen her since New Years Day and why she didn't talk to me about it and as for the way she spoke to me if there is no apology then I don't see how we could move forward. If I've d9ne something fair enough, but at least tell me what it is.

    I'd had an idea there was something up as she'd gone unusually quiet with the comments on Little Wobble's shenanigans on skagbook. I thought it was to do with me not being able to get time off for Sil's hen do... Sorry but 3 days notice late on a Saturday night (for the answer), when at the time you work weekends only, no managers do Sunday and you're in the process of trying to bag yourself better hours so don't want to rock the boat by being a pain in the ^Booty^ turning up asking for holidays... It wasn't going to happen.

    I wasn't jeopardizing better hours for a weekend off, even if it was for a hen do and anyway I had a dying cat and not enough spare cash at that short a notice to pay.

    Apparently it was too good a deal to pass up on the weekend away 1/3 of the normal cost. I thought when I saw sil at a bus stop a few weeks later maybe she was off with me because I'd said I'd have to give it a miss as I couldn't give them an answer in 3 days and they'd lost out on it... How wrong was I!

    I'm sure mil thinks I control Mr Wobble, his beef with her is his. He's an adult with his own mind and he does what he wants to. So when I've been in work every weekend since I went back after mat leave.... If he hasn't visited with Little Wobble its because he didn't want to, not like I could stop him if I wasn't there!

    Offline wibble-wobble

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    Wow so its been almost a year since I updated, ranted, moaned, off loaded some sarcasm and the rest.

    So what have I been up to:

    Changed my job again, same company, same store just different hours and role. I was like a lot of people that work there expecting to hear of being made redundant soon, but no such luck!!

    I have a plan you see, I'm going back to college. Had redundancy occurred I would have gone back this Sept, only as that is looking less and less likely to happen now my plan has been revised.

    My new hrs are over 3 days, so I have 3 weekdays to do a college course. As my job seems safe for a while I'm going to carry on it with it and hope I do college around it, but I'm going to ave to wait until little wobble starts school. More realistically year 1 as going into reception is something like a 3 week long transition round here and I want to be available to her. So I may not start college until 2020 and jeeze I'll be almost 40!!! I will be a definite immature student  ;D

    Things with the in-laws or outlaws or arseholes as they are categorised on skagbook. We started talking, by we I mean I did with not very much in the way of replies. Or ones you could say were nice.
    Then we met a couple of times, it seemed to go well. Then all went quiet for a while, we spoke again, then it all went quiet again.
    Little Wobbles birthday passed, Christmas too we never saw them.

    Its been about a year now of not really having any kind of relationship with them. I haven't been to their house since Christmas 2016, them here since last summer.

    I'm not sure things could ever go back to how they were, I'm still trying and getting nowhere, it's an almost impossible situation. When the lets talk message gets followed with a few weeks of silence and the only one really talking was me.

    And to make things more interesting Dh is firmly saying he doesn't want to see them but then also saying he doesn't want them to miss out on little Wobble.... I feel like I have to try.

    Just not sure how much longer for