Can I do this?? I'm not sure...

[EssieJean]

Hey Bundles, lovely to hear from you.. quads!  You know I just wouldn't be surprised if that happened to me  , my world turned on its head, spun round and shaken, but oh how wonderful 

Hope all well with you xx

[FertilityFriends]

[morganna]

Hi Essie,


I also have been off FF for a while...............just been busy!
But I always look to see if you have posted anywhere!
As I have always followed your journey.


I have purposely only read your first post, and purposely not read any responses.


Because i want this to come straight from my heart to yours.


For years and years and years (decades) i longed for a baby.


And due to reasons, it took me until i was 57 to give birth.


It was the greatest day and greatest joy i have ever experienced having my baby.


I have fostered and adopted for many many years.  But the longing to have a baby.......carry it, give birth to it, never EVER went away!! it affected my whole life, my whole being. I  breathed it, I dreamed about it, i prayed for it every day for many many years. And i always felt sad. Empty. Lost. Depressed. Different. Hubby had 2 reversals, and i tried IUI, IVF .....nothing worked. But only 3 cycles. Then he passed away.


After 3 years of grieving, i decided go to Cyprus for DE.


2 years  and 3 cycles later i got a BFP.


I would have gone on and on an on until i was 60plus to have a baby. I just HAD to have a baby.


I feel complete now.  My baby girl has given me so much love and joy . She has given me new meaning to life.


PLEASE keep going until you get your baby.


You are unsure because you have been through so much.


I actually found a wonderful person who was a hypnotherapist but he also was a wonderful counsellor. After my husband died i was still not focused . I had to get focused!! so that i could move ahead and go and get my baby!!!


It only took a few sessions with him, but he cleared away all of the FOG!! all of the FEAR!!


And then i was back onto my MISSION to get my baby.


Please keep going!!! because i don't beleive you will be happy until you are holding your baby in your arms.


Lots of love,


Morganna xx

[EssieJean]

Hi Morganna,

It's lovely to hear from you again.  Thank you for such a heartfelt message    I too have followed you and amazed at your strength with everything you have gone through and all that you have achieved since. You're a remarkable lady 

It's funny you should post because I've been meaning to pm you.  I've been following the Over 50's thread, I like to browse when I feel I need a little encouragement, anyway the other day I saw your post which said "Whoever is out there contemplating having a baby and being over 50...............GO FOR IT.  I am the happiest i have ever been in my entire life!" - those words really touched me and sparked something inside of me.  It was as if I was meant to see it...

Even though I turned 48 on Wednesday, marking 9 years of ttc, and despite the toll ivf has had on me, I still look remarkably young (even if I do say so myself  ), as does Mr Essie, but even if I didn't, I FEEL young, and probably fitter than I ever was in my 20's. 

Life and marriage to mr Essie aside, I've not been happy in myself for such a long time..there's rarely been laugh out loud moments, or feelings of pure joy, conscious or not, I've always felt there's been something missing.

I don't want to simply plod along in life as I have done.... I'm ready for change, so bring it on (she says tentatively) 

Thanks again Morganna not just for the message but for taking the time 

Essie xx

[morganna]

Essie ...........


I went on my 3rd cycle without much expectation.
And my healthy diet went out of the window!


So alot of it was down to luck.


But i would have kept going and going and going.


Dame Julia Peyton-Jones just gave birth. She was 64


I KNOW you will have your baby.............


its  just a question of WHEN.


And you will be the happiest person on earth.


I will keep watching out for your progress/journey.


Lots of love,


Morganna xx

[EssieJean]

Thanks for the encouragement Morganna - I'm trying to stay positive but its hard not to carry some past experiences with you.  Atm, we're scared of it working, and scared of it not  but not dwelling on tx much at the moment, being kind of blasé about it.  I'm sure that will change nearer the time.. Love n Hugs xx

[morganna]

April is a great month to get pregnant!
I got pregnant in April!
and she arrived Xmas Day


and i was SO ambivalent about that cycle...........afraid to even think that it might work,
because the dissapointment is so hard.
I just felt numb with that cycle!


So i understand exactly how you are feeling.


Just go with the flow and try not to dwell on any of it too much


IF YOU CAN!!!


Love and hugs.


Morganna xx

[EssieJean]

1 year ago today, lost another baby angel...... feeling so sad today 

Hope I can find the strength to keep going through this cycle...I feel petrified but desperate at the same time

[Riley12]

Massive hugs to you 

xx

[EssieJean]

Aw Thank you Riley.. really appreciate the hug  Xx

[deblovescats]

Essie - so sorry hun. Your little angel is going to send you a take home baby! Lots of virtual hugs!