Can I do this?? I'm not sure...

[bundles]

Big hugs honey 

xx

[FertilityFriends]

[EssieJean]

Thank you Debs and Bundles - you're very kind 

The ups and down of IF; one day you're feeling sadness and heartache over a loss, the next day you receive a donor match for your next cycle... yes, just received an offer of a donor, feeling reflective, but must press on forward.....Must believe that this can happen, and must be the one!

Hope all you lovely ladies are well.

Essie xx

[Louisej29]

Hi essie.

Sending you the biggest of hugs. Is always hard when the anniversary of your angel comes round, so thinking of you.

You CAN do this. This WILL be the one. POSITIVE Thoughts coming your way. I can't imagine how hard it must be and the range of emotions you are going through, you've been though more than most on this site but you've never given up and it's because you are meant to be a mummy. And you will be. I agree with Morganna in all that she wrote.  I don't think I would have ever stopped either. Like you I could just not see a life without holding my own baby and would have gone to any lengths and costs to find that way. I am hoping your strength courage and perseverance will finally be rewarded.  You deserve it. Keep the faith lovely lady. 

Xx

[Sassy-lassy]

Hello Essie,
Just popped in to say hello and saw your last post.  Sending massive hugs for the anniversary of your lost angel.  I know it is not easy, but well done for finding the fortitude to carry on.  I will be praying that this time is your time - if anyone deserves happiness, it's you.
Lots of love,
Sassy xx 

[MyreiE]

Hi Essie,

I am not a frequent poster, but as another 48 year old, I had to pop in and say good luck. I am 13 weeks pregnant after six cycles. Your journey has been much tougher than my own as I have had 4 children naturally, but I wanted to offer encouragement and let you know your fears are understandable. This last cycle was to be our last and I had resigned myself to the fact that it would not work. I was not positive about it at all! Even when I received the BFP I could not believe it. I still have some worries but day by day it is getting easier to believe that our dream is coming true. Draw on the strength of your DH, your lovely parents, and all of these amazing strong women here.  You are not alone.

Best wishes,
-M

[StrawberrySundae]

Hi Essie, I also wanted to wish you luck  I've not added to your thread before but can see you really deserve a happy ending. I'm hoping for one too, after 7 lots of ivf (incl embryo banking & fet cycles) and 6 MC's! Some of us have to persevere more than others. So I'd like to share some strength, positivity and good luck vibes with you! 🍀 x

[EssieJean]

Hey ladies

Just want yo give you all a  first of all.

Louise my lovely, thank you for your continued support and encouragement. Been feeling mixed emotions lately, honestly, they're all over the place. With the anniversary last week, a christening where I've been asked to be godmother in April, treatment and being afraid of it not working & working, it's hard to feel any excitement for the months ahead. I'm counting on drawing strength from the wonderful ladies on FF such as yourself and Morganna.

Hi sassy, lovely to hear from you again, I remember only too well how hard you fought and hope I can find the same drive and determination to succeed. Hope parenthood is treating you well xx

Hi MyreiE, congratulations on your pregnancy  I've lost count how many times I've said this is the last time, but it really must be this time. Like you I've doomed this cycle already. I daren't think of it working because that's what we've done with each of our cycles, and look where that's got us. It gets harder to pick yourself up after each loss. By expecting it to fail perhaps I feel I'm protecting myself somehow.  Anyway, thank you for your kind words. All the best for a smooth and 'uneventful' pregnancy.

Hi StrawberrySundae, I think our paths have crossed before on FF.. thank you for popping on to wish me luck. Gosh you've been through so much lovely    Sending good luck and positive vibes back. Are you cycling at the moment? Really do wish you all the very best 

Essie xx

[Positive-guin+]

Hello Essie,

I don't post much these days but wanted to send you a massive hug from Australia. I understand that you must feel petrified. I'm so happy you are trying again.  You really are an inspiration. 

I have every crossed for you and Mr Essie for this cycle.  I've said a prayer for your angel.

Much love.

RXxx

[EssieJean]

Aw Positive-guin when i saw your name pop up it brought a smile to my face, its so lovely of you to send a message, and thank you so much for the prayer    I am petrified, to the point some days I could very easily email the clinic to pull out.  It's getting scarily close now and I'm in the midst of checking I have all my meds, just seeing them all turns my stomach.  I will march on regardless however.  Hope life and motherhood is treating you well..

xx

[EssieJean]

My head hurts, flitting from one decision to another on whether to go ahead.. meds have arrived and just looking at the big box and sorting them out is terrifying and overwhelming.  DH was a little grumpy this morning, not like him at all... he's a ray of sunshine normally, turns out he's wobbling too, and isn't sure if it would be best to pull out. The majority is fear for my health, and he's not sure now whether he wants to be an older dad.  He says he is concerned that he is not as enthusiastic as in previous cycles. I understand that, I feel the same.  We've had the stuffing knocked out of us and had too much time to think about the massive changes to our lives if it were to work.  We're scaring ourselves to death!  I told him he needs to be truthful to himself, and not think about how I will react or worried he'll upset me.... I love him dearly, whatever he decides, I'm just happy and grateful he's in my life.  We have talked previously and I'm sure we are on the same page... discussing things tonight again, but I'm sure before April comes round we will have changed our minds a million more times 

xx