* Author Topic: Can I do this?? I'm not sure...  (Read 78376 times)

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Offline deblovescats

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Can I do this?? I'm not sure...
« Reply #70 on: 5/03/17, 21:33 »
Great to hear your news clara rose, sassy lassy and morganna. Clara - I agree about older mums, I think we're going to become much more 'socially acceptable'. I take my hat off to you as one fellow single mum to another! Re: the DE. I did double donation as well, and I totally forget about it. It's amazing how many people tell me my son looks like me, my daughter is still too little ... They are so worth it, Essie.

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    Offline Mels11

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    « Reply #71 on: 8/03/17, 21:36 »
    Hi Essiejean,
    Just came across this thread & just wanted to endorse what others have said. I've had no negative comments about being an older Mum (I'm now 51yrs old), I had a very healthy pregnancy & can easily keep up with the younger Mums. Age really is just a number. I had donor egg treatment too (also early menopause) & don't give it a second thought. She's the baby we were meant to have & if I could go back & use my own eggs I wouldn't because I couldn't love my daughter any more.
    I had a much, much easier IVF journey than you, though, so I can totally understand why you are questioning if you can through it all again. If only we had a crystal ball & know we would succeed! Only you and your DH can decide if you can cope with another round but please don't doubt if you would be good parents or if you will bond with your child, that side will just fall into place.
    I would only say that living the rest of your life saying "what if" would probably be the hardest thing.
    If you do ahead, I wish you all the luck in the world x

    Offline bundles

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    « Reply #72 on: 9/03/17, 18:02 »
    What a lovely thread  ^hugme^ Just to add another 2p worth  ::)  Everyone has their line and when they reach it they go quietly. I've seen a couple of FF's just slide away  :'( it pains me as I just want everyone to be a mummy - as I think you know ! I don't think you've reached your line as you're still here. Yes you're voicing your fears but that's only natural. When  DS, today, said "Mama I lub you" I could have cried with joy. They are bloody hard work but they make my life worthwhile. You were made to be a mummy. Just look at your face in a mirror - perfect mummy face  :)  And just saying, if all goes well, that camper van could also be a plan A  ;)

    Big hugs, as ever  ^hugme^

    xx

    Offline NowOrNever

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    « Reply #73 on: 9/03/17, 21:01 »
    Essie- you're the only reason I log onto FF these days. I SO WANT TO SEE YOU BECOME A MUMMY.

    I echo everything above - especially the DE bonding issue. You wont have any issue on that score. Like the others i get "the spit of mummy" on every social media post of her. Makes me laugh. Even my girlfriends who know she's DE say it!!

    Just keep going. Maybe 'letting go' mentally is a good thing - a way to keep yourself sane... its often the case that when you let go emotionally of something it tends to happen.

    I'm thinking about you

    NON xx

    Offline Karhog

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    « Reply #74 on: 10/03/17, 18:51 »
    Essie,  I too echo what everyone has said and I too could also have written your very post before my move to de. We had undergone 20 years of various treatments and failures apart from one pregnancy that ended in miscarriage.We felt defeated at times and our relationship was severely tested, not to menational,  as you have the financial burden of it all. The amount of money we have invested in becoming parents is eye watering...not to mention the help we received from family.
    We too felt despair and as we became older, felt not only that our ship had sailed and maybe this just wasn't to be, as well as wondering how on earth we would now deal with a baby/ toddler in our 40s and 50s if a miracle wrecked to happen.
    BUT.......something deep inside could not give up, and as long as you feel that flicker you have to go for it!
    I totally understand and empathise it is not easy and at times I just wanted to retreat and forget about it all...in fact we stopped treatment for about 5 years...though something inside urged us to go on as we knew without outside help our ultimate dream could never be fulfilled.
    I wish you the very very best of luck, please don't give up hope.....it CAN happen!!!  ^hugme^ ^hugme^

    Offline ELW7

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    « Reply #75 on: 11/03/17, 20:48 »
    Hello Essie, I know we keep in touch but I'm pleased I've now found your thread and I can follow your story over the coming weeks!  I have read your pages with tears streaming down my eyes. As you know I (and so many others) have been so desperate for you to get your 'happily ever after' and by God I can't think of anyone who deserves it more! It has broken my heart each time you have had to endure such sadness and I prayer that those days will soon be long behind you and that this will finally be your year!

    I can only imagine the apprehension you both face after everything you have been through, but just get through it however you can and if that means shutting yourself off from the process then so be it. Just take it one step at a time my lovely, deep breaths and know that we are all rooting for you, more than you could possibly imagine!! You are such a very special person who deserves to get the chance to be a very special mummy so Please hold onto your hopes and dreams and don't let go. Sending you both all the love and luck in the world and I'll be thinking about you and sending so many positive thoughts your way!

    All my love, Emma xxx.  ^hugme^

    Offline Sassy-lassy

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    « Reply #76 on: 11/03/17, 22:20 »
    Hi Essie,
    Just checking in to see how you are and sending positive vibes!
    Lots of Love
    Sassy x

    Offline EssieJean

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    « Reply #77 on: 1/04/17, 16:56 »
    Oh wow ladies, what wonderful messages!!

    So sorry I've been awol and taken so long to acknowledge your super supportive posts.  I've had major wobbles, tears and meltdowns, family upsets etc and not felt able to address all of you which is what I wanted to do.  I'm feeling better today having got it all out of my system (for now  ;D)

    I notice a few more familiar ladies on here too; Tincancat, Clara rose, Mels11, Bundles, NoworNever, Karhog and last but by no means least ELW... thank you all from the bottom of my heart  ^hugme^

    NoworNever, bless you for coming on here to check up on me.. I hope to prove your checking ins have not been in vain soon  ::). Hope you are well x

    Tincancat you're absolute right, that's exactly how I feel.  I've had many meltdowns and panic attacks, as recently as last week, to the run up of this cycle. Even now we're both no entirely sure if we want to go through with it but of course now we are on the road and I'm taking meds.  I could make a list of a million reasons not to go ahead and only one for the pro side which I can only describe as a "feeling".. Thank you for popping on to offer your support..

    As always Debs, thank you for your wise words.. I know my ramblings and the thoughts I have are irrational that come from fear and upset.. Having so much time to think has only exacerbated those worries to the point where I just feel overwhelmed.. like teetering on the edge of a cliff.... only a leap of faith will give us the answer  ^eyes^

    Hi Morganna, thank you for taking the time to pop on here.. I know how busy you get, so I do really appreciate it.  I said to Mr Essie only this week I think it is more fear of another loss and all that comes with that, that is obstructing a clear decision..only now do I realise how far I have come, physically mentally and emotionally.. the fear of being back at square one is great.. we are trying to keep neutral in our thinking which seems to be helping us to keep moving forward..

    Hi dear Sassy, we've cycled so many times together I know only too well your struggles and it's ladies with such tenacity as you that have kept me going thus far  ;)  I read your last post like a nodding dog  ;D almost financial ruin, massive weight gain (and steroid weight seems to take forever to get rid of!), no social life and depressed.. yep that's it in a nutshell. I guess to have gone through all that just to stop now would feel a waste of many years... if I can dig deep and give it one more go, then at least we have a chance of making all that worth it.. Thanks for the positive vibes! Hope you and your family are well and you are enjoying the joys of mummyhood  ^hugme^

    Hi Clara Rose, I do remember our paths have crossed before and how you've always offered support, thank you for jumping on here to provide more  :) Yourself, Debslovescats and Morganna are an inspiration to me! As single ladies (of a certain age) I am in awe and almost feel a bit of a whimp, I need to remind myself how lucky I am to have Mr Essie who I know would be hands on should we be blessed, although not so much in the nappy department! It's good to read such positive experiences like yours... I can almost feel strength bubbling to the surface.. thank you x

    Hi Mels, you make an interesting point that you have the baby you were meant to have through DE. It's given me food for thought.. Yes a crystal ball would be good right now! Thank you for your best wishes x

    Hey Bundles.. you know your 2penneth is always appreciated by me.. aw "perfect mummy face", you make me smile  :) big hugs  ^hugme^

    Good gosh Karhog, 20 yrs!!  ^bow^ I resonate with everything you say in your post.. from a couple of friends I'm told "it's your decision, only you can decide", but it's not as cut and dry as that is it, it's not an easy decision, especially when you're making it for you and DH because DH just wants to see you happy, and he'd be happy either way, which is my situation at the moment. I know we'll have a good life together if it wasn't to be but I think we would both regret not giving a cycle one last go. We're lucky in that my parents have offered to help with this cycle financially, although I do feel a bit of a fraud. My dad likes a flutter on the horses and I ask him, would you put 4 grand on a horse that's lost 7 races?!, of course he says yes lol I feel added pressure though to come up with the goods as it were.. thank you for the good luck, the positivity on here really helps..

    Lovely ELW  ^hugme^ It's so good of you to come on here, I know we pm and email (which I have yet to respond to!) but it's always nice to see your name pop up  :) Thank you for the lovely words, you've been with me through all my losses, I would love to be able to share some joy with you for a change  ::). I feel we are just cruising along at the moment, Prague is scarily close now and although we still, even now, say we could always back out at the last minute, I've a feeling neither of us will want to actually take that step when it comes to the crunch. I hope you are well and I promise to get round to replying to your email  ;) xx

    Well ladies tomorrow I begin the first day of my protocol. I feel like it will be the first step to a very different life for myself and Mr Essie..whichever way the cookie crumbles....

    Hugs to everyone one of you  ^Cuddle^

    Essie xx

    Offline goldbunny

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    « Reply #78 on: 1/04/17, 17:41 »
    rooting for you essie!  ^pray^ ^pray^ ^pray^ ^pray^ ^pray^

    Offline EssieJean

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    « Reply #79 on: 1/04/17, 19:22 »
    Thanks Goldbunny!  ^afro^