Oh wow ladies, what wonderful messages!!
So sorry I've been awol and taken so long to acknowledge your super supportive posts. I've had major wobbles, tears and meltdowns, family upsets etc and not felt able to address all of you which is what I wanted to do. I'm feeling better today having got it all out of my system (for now
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I notice a few more familiar ladies on here too; Tincancat, Clara rose, Mels11, Bundles, NoworNever, Karhog and last but by no means least ELW... thank you all from the bottom of my heart
NoworNever, bless you for coming on here to check up on me.. I hope to prove your checking ins have not been in vain soon
. Hope you are well x
Tincancat you're absolute right, that's exactly how I feel. I've had many meltdowns and panic attacks, as recently as last week, to the run up of this cycle. Even now we're both no entirely sure if we want to go through with it but of course now we are on the road and I'm taking meds. I could make a list of a million reasons not to go ahead and only one for the pro side which I can only describe as a "feeling".. Thank you for popping on to offer your support..
As always
Debs, thank you for your wise words.. I know my ramblings and the thoughts I have are irrational that come from fear and upset.. Having so much time to think has only exacerbated those worries to the point where I just feel overwhelmed.. like teetering on the edge of a cliff.... only a leap of faith will give us the answer
Hi
Morganna, thank you for taking the time to pop on here.. I know how busy you get, so I do really appreciate it. I said to Mr Essie only this week I think it is more fear of another loss and all that comes with that, that is obstructing a clear decision..only now do I realise how far I have come, physically mentally and emotionally.. the fear of being back at square one is great.. we are trying to keep neutral in our thinking which seems to be helping us to keep moving forward..
Hi dear
Sassy, we've cycled so many times together I know only too well your struggles and it's ladies with such tenacity as you that have kept me going thus far
I read your last post like a nodding dog
almost financial ruin, massive weight gain (and steroid weight seems to take forever to get rid of!), no social life and depressed.. yep that's it in a nutshell. I guess to have gone through all that just to stop now would feel a waste of many years... if I can dig deep and give it one more go, then at least we have a chance of making all that worth it.. Thanks for the positive vibes! Hope you and your family are well and you are enjoying the joys of mummyhood
Hi
Clara Rose, I do remember our paths have crossed before and how you've always offered support, thank you for jumping on here to provide more
Yourself, Debslovescats and Morganna are an inspiration to me! As single ladies (of a certain age) I am in awe and almost feel a bit of a whimp, I need to remind myself how lucky I am to have Mr Essie who I know would be hands on should we be blessed, although not so much in the nappy department! It's good to read such positive experiences like yours... I can almost feel strength bubbling to the surface.. thank you x
Hi
Mels, you make an interesting point that you have the baby you were meant to have through DE. It's given me food for thought.. Yes a crystal ball would be good right now! Thank you for your best wishes x
Hey
Bundles.. you know your 2penneth is always appreciated by me.. aw "perfect mummy face", you make me smile
big hugs
Good gosh
Karhog, 20 yrs!!
I resonate with everything you say in your post.. from a couple of friends I'm told "it's your decision, only you can decide", but it's not as cut and dry as that is it, it's not an easy decision, especially when you're making it for you and DH because DH just wants to see you happy, and he'd be happy either way, which is my situation at the moment. I know we'll have a good life together if it wasn't to be but I think we would both regret not giving a cycle one last go. We're lucky in that my parents have offered to help with this cycle financially, although I do feel a bit of a fraud. My dad likes a flutter on the horses and I ask him, would you put 4 grand on a horse that's lost 7 races?!, of course he says yes lol I feel added pressure though to come up with the goods as it were.. thank you for the good luck, the positivity on here really helps..
Lovely
ELW It's so good of you to come on here, I know we pm and email (which I have yet to respond to!) but it's always nice to see your name pop up
Thank you for the lovely words, you've been with me through all my losses, I would love to be able to share some joy with you for a change
. I feel we are just cruising along at the moment, Prague is scarily close now and although we still, even now, say we could always back out at the last minute, I've a feeling neither of us will want to actually take that step when it comes to the crunch. I hope you are well and I promise to get round to replying to your email
xx
Well ladies tomorrow I begin the first day of my protocol. I feel like it will be the first step to a very different life for myself and Mr Essie..whichever way the cookie crumbles....
Hugs to everyone one of you
Essie xx
