* Author Topic: Our new journey to become a family 2017  (Read 7546 times)

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Offline itsonlybridge

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Our new journey to become a family 2017
« Reply #20 on: 3/02/17, 19:20 »
Lovely home visit from sw this week, all my fears came to nothing and despite my cleaning efforts she didn't even look around other than a toilet visit!  ::)

Very bubbly down to earth lady, explained her reasons for certain questions and why she would need to go into detail on some things to ensure we got the PAR written in the best way because it needs to please 10 plus people at panel.

She doesn't foresee any problems and commented that she was on a roll as she has had lots of straightforward adopters recently so we will take that as a good thing!  :o

She told us that there are lot more cases of mental health issues in birth parents in recent years and this is becoming a bigger issue than drugs and alcohol in her experience. She also said she had placed a lot of under 1's recently and spoke positively about some of the children lighting them up with her descriptions of their little characters. She also spoke about the more difficult to place children and the need to ensure we are clear in our minds and with her about what we are willing to consider.

We originally said  one child or siblings 0-2 but she made us realise that we could be closing the door on a perfect match with say an 8 month old and a 3 year old and the 3 year old could 3yrs 4 months for example and we could feel it is perfect but because we were only approved for 0-2 it closes the door. So it's better to say 0-4 but she knows in her mind what we realistically want when she is family finding. Makes sense.

So she now takes our initial details to her manager to get an approval to move to stage 1 which might take a week. Hopefully she approves us and then sw will book our prep courses, our next appointment with her and also book our panel date! Eeek!  :)

Our babies could be out there already just waiting for us to go get them.. Such a strange mix of feelings but above all very positive and happy and raring to get going!  ::)

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    Offline tinkytoes

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    Our new journey to become a family 2017
    « Reply #21 on: 5/02/17, 17:51 »
    Hey Bridget, I remember those feelings!  It is so exciting! Best of luck with it all, I hope the process passes quickly for you.  I recommend tons of reading, loads and loads, it really helped us to understand some of the likely complex issues we will be facing and it also looks good from SW perspective.  She took a note of all the books we have read so I think it may go into our PAR.  We are four weeks away from panel tomorrow!  It can't come quick enough.  I am so happy :)  Those miscarriages are a dusty old memory now.  I'm so glad we did this. 

    xx

    Offline itsonlybridge

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    Our new journey to become a family 2017
    « Reply #22 on: 15/02/17, 14:17 »
    Thank you Tinkytoes  :) not long now until panel for you! I wish you all the very best of luck xxx

    Offline itsonlybridge

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    Our new journey to become a family 2017
    « Reply #23 on: 15/02/17, 15:00 »
    So yesterday we received a lovely Valentines gift in the form of a phone call from the sw confirming we have been accepted by her manager to begin stage 1  :)

    They are sending out our official application form to complete and we have received lots of paperwork via secure email including a DAB form, finances sheet and a home health and safety check list which I have found quite mind boggling! Questions such as 'Are there thermostats on all hot water taps', are all radiators covered, are there locks on the bathrooms doors and are all toiletries locked away!  I can see why a lot of the check list is there but some of it seems a little bit extreme to me, but I accept that the standard has to be across the board and all eventualities have to be covered. Well it has given me something useful to be getting on with and I have just ordered a fire blanket which is one of the requirements.

    We have also been booked on to our 3 prep courses and have been lucky enough that they fall on a weekend so that will be in March, followed by a sw visit to go through all the forms above.

    Meanwhile, I have been researching and reading as much as possible (you will be pleased to hear tinky toes  ;D ) and will continue to do so. It makes for very interesting reading.

    I finished watching a 2 part programme called Moorside last night that portrayed the true story of Shannon Matthews who's mother and uncle faked her kidnapping. It really brought home to us the types of families some of these children are coming from and also a lot worse. It made me feel sad that our future LO's could be out there right now being mistreated which was a sobering thought  :'(

    As time is going along I feel more strongly than ever that we are doing the right thing and it is good to now have some dates in the diary to work towards.

    DH is in full swing with the new business but we are making time to sit and talk through what I have researched and DH is being really supportive of my efforts and reading my condensed versions that he find easier to manage than the reams of repeatative  paperwork. We have started referring to 'our children' in conversation from time to time which feels so good. He was complaining that he had no space in the wardobe at the weekend and I commented that we may need to find space for 2 more little peoples things soon! Not that we have a space issue whatsoever with 3 spare rooms! DH just needs a good clear out lol

    We looked after our 3 year old godson at the weekend who is very lively to say the least! I was fully expecting a very challenging day, but he was actually as good as gold. We had a really lovely day pottering about, went to the shops and bought some stuff to do some baking and had a go on the bright orange car in Mozzers which he enjoyed (very loudly!). Then we went through the car wash which he was absolutely thrilled to bits about and then home for lunch and some baking followed by a film (The good dinosaur) a nap, decorated the cakes and suddenly it was time for him to go home! Perfect day  :)

    So onwards we stride with our quest to become a family  :)



    Offline tinkytoes

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    Our new journey to become a family 2017
    « Reply #24 on: 16/02/17, 13:24 »
    Yay, all sounds incredibly positive! The time will zip by once you get going.  Glad you're getting the reading done!  It does really help, especially when you're in stage two, as you will likely find by then you will approach some parenting situations in a different way than you perhaps may have first thought.  I really like the Dan Hughes stuff. It also scares the living pants off you. 

    Sounds like your safety report is a bit excessive, we only have the thermostat on the boiler checked and no radiator covers.  Blimey.  I recommend nailing down the house early on in stage 2 and don't leave it too late like we have!  Still doing things now and only two weeks to panel (but nothing too taxing at this stage).

    Lots and lots of luck xxx

    Offline itsonlybridge

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    Our new journey to become a family 2017
    « Reply #25 on: 6/03/17, 13:08 »
    So we have our prep course day 1 & 2 this weekend which I'm sure will be an eye opener from what I've heard. The 3rd day will be next Saturday.

    Our friends and family who agreed to be referees for us have all received their paperwork to fill out, 8 pages of questions about us!  :o
    That is a strange feeling.

    We are booked in for our medicals at the end of this month and our next sw visit is in 2 weeks time, although she is is still off sick at the moment with a nasty virus so that could be delayed.

    Meanwhile it's been research, e-learning and reading. So far I have read 5 books. although they aren't very big, but feeling pleased with how much we have learned so far. It is very interesting and a lot of my thought processes have been completely changed over the last couple of months.

    Home safety checklist should be ok, we now have a fireblanket, a fire extinguisher, bathrrom string lights, tied up high. Toiletries, bleaches etc will all be locked away with child catches on all kitchen cupboard doors so we are getting there!!   

    Offline Dawn86

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    Our new journey to become a family 2017
    « Reply #26 on: 6/03/17, 23:01 »
    Sounds like you're powering through Bridget!

    I feel so slow! I'm still waiting for 6 months to pass after failed treatment, before I can get going.

    Keep us posted on how you get on with the prep courses. Good luck!

    Offline itsonlybridge

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    Our new journey to become a family 2017
    « Reply #27 on: 13/03/17, 14:56 »
    Dawn, the time will go quicker than you expect. It really is nothing like the IVF waiting when I was convinced at points that time had actually stopped passing altogether! You are already almost 3 months in and maybe if you contacted them next month they might book the 6 month appointment then for you so at least you have a date in the diary  :)   

    First 2 days of prep done. It was very informative and well structured. We learnt an awful lot but and it was really helpful. It was also pretty overwhelming and we had to remind ourselves last night that our child/ren would not actually have ALL of the issues raised and that we are just being made are of every possible history/issue and behavioural problems.

    We had 2 adopters who came to speak to us and give us the benefit of their experience. One had adopted 2 little girls at 16 months and 6 months so very close in age. She spoke of the bonding process and how life changing the entire thing has been. She proudly showed us their photo's and it was clear to see she loves them very much.

    In the afternoon a guy came to speak who has a 7 year old birth son and an adopted little baby girl who is now 1. They adopted her 6 months ago and again he spoke of the importance of the bonding process and how he found it a bit more difficult than his wife because he was at work and not with their little girl all of the time.

    We were quite a large group of about 20, really lovely people some of whom I can see us keeping in touch with.

    So we came away feeling quite frazzled, tired and worn out with information overload and wondering what we are letting ourselves in for... but glad to have the knowledge to draw on in the future. It is good to have gotten the first 2 days out the way. Next Prep day this Saturday and the final one on Monday 3rd April.

    Our sw has been back in touch and our next appointment with her is 20th March. So we have something adoption related in the diary every Monday for the next 3 weeks!




    Offline SLB1984

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    Our new journey to become a family 2017
    « Reply #28 on: 13/03/17, 23:49 »
    Bridget, please may I ask which books you have read or found helpful? Thank you very much x

    Offline itsonlybridge

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    Our new journey to become a family 2017
    « Reply #29 on: 30/03/17, 08:43 »
    SLB, so sorry for the delay, I totally missed your post.
    Here is a list of the books I have read so far:

    An adoption Diary - Maria James

    The Adopters handbook - Amy Neil Slater

    Adoption - What it is and what it means - a guide for young people 2003 - Shaila Shah

    The Adoption Experience - Ann Morris

    Take Two - Laurel Ashton

    Adoption Undone - Karen Carr

    Adopting a child - Jennifer Lord

    No matter what - Sally Donovan

    How I met my son - Rosalind Powell

    Creating Loving attachments - Kim s Golding & Daniel Hughes

    Attachment Handbook for foster care and Adoption - Gillian Scofield (borrowed from Prep Group Course)

    Hope that helps xxxxxx