* Author Topic: Simplant trial + ICSI 3...lucky transfer 4? BFP! MMC 11 weeks IMSI 4..Baby Boy!  (Read 24584 times)

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Offline MadameG

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Tomorrow is the day we should hopefully find out what happened to our beautiful Arty 😞

Miss you so much, I can't even put it into words 💚 xxxxxxxx

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    Offline MadameG

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    My darling Arty was indeed a tiny baby boy 💚 At least one part of my mother's intuition was correct.

    Very, very sadly, little Arty would never have been both a healthy baby boy - he had triploidy: an entire extra set of chromosomes.

    The chance of this occurring is around 1%. The statistics just weren't on our side this time...

    I have taken a huge amount of comfort in knowing that it was better for him to enter his forever sleep when he did. The chances of him making it to term were minute and even if he did, he would have been extremely poorly and may have only lived for a few days, hours or just a few minutes. Instead, the only place he knew was the warmth of my womb and the love that we showered down upon him. I hope that you are having lots of fun soaring in the stars, little one.

    Triploidy occurs at the point of conception, usually when either the egg is fertilised by two sperms or alternatively by a single faulty sperm with a double set of chromosomes. It can less commonly occur when the egg fails to divide properly and replicates an extra set of chromosomes by mistake. As we had icsi, and the embryos were watched like a hawk in the embryoscope, the consultant believes that the embryologist picked a sperm with a double set of chromosomes...sod's law to the max. Because this means that this was the diandric form of triploidy, there is a potential that it was also a partial molar pregnancy, which has the potential to form a rare type of cancer (gulp) but because the hpt they did was negative, I seem to have been fortunate in that case. The genetics report letter states that we both should have had bloods sent over to check where the chromosomes came from to exclude this, but the consultant didn't do them, I presume because it doesn't matter due to the negative test now. I may still chase this up though to be clear in my mind.

    It is all horrendously sad but I am so glad that we got our answer. The relief when she showed us the report was phenomenal. There is nothing that could be done. My body did all it could to protect our baby this time and I have to keep the faith that next time it will do so again (along with a copious amounts of drugs to keep it in check).

    The consultant (the same lady who was my consultant for my pregnancy with Arty) is amazing. She is their specialist consultant for recurrent miscarriage and my goodness, she cares. And gets it. First off, she has prescribed all of my luteal support for the next cycle - elleste, cyclogest, lubion, prednisolone and fragmin  :o wow! That takes a lot of the pressure off money wise because those drugs are tres pricey. Secondly, when I get pregnant again, I text her and she will start scanning me from about five weeks, every other week or weekly if I am a total anxious wreck, until 12 weeks. Plus mid pregnancy scans, plus extra growth scans and will schedule an induction (or c section if I prefer) at 39 weeks. And I won't have to go through that long booking in appointment with the midwife until I am totally ready - something that I was dreading in the future as I have no guarantees of getting to the nuchal scan.

    Finally, I feel like I am in the hands of the right people: my clinic consultant, the recurrent miscarriage consulant and the Tommy's team for back up.

    I think we will cycle in January, although I am not sure whether that will be an FET or a fresh cycle yet. Swings and roundabouts with both. I never updated my diary after my clinic follow up a month ago. My consultant there is so lovely and she prescribed sitagliptin so that we can replicate the protocol with the trial. The weight that I have been carrying since pregnancy has started dropping off since I started it, so I think that my polycystic ovaries are causing a degree of insulin resistance. I'll book in for a scratch the cycle before I want to start, so this will likely be a post Christmas treat  ::)

    In the last few weeks DH's screening for his hypertrophic cardiomyopathy has also come back - he does indeed carry two of the faulty genes linked to it. There is a potential for us to be referred for PGD for this but I don't think we are going to press ahead with it. I think it is just another minefield as we are not a straightforward case and I would need such a tailored protocol that I suspect the NHS will not provide as part of it. Plus, we would not be allowed to try naturally and I presume that would entail discarding our frosties, which is absolutely not on the cards.

    There is still a slight hiccup ahead of cycling again in that my breasts still keep leaking every few days. Showers and baths seem to trigger it some days and I have also been waking up with crusty milk patches on my pyjama top 😷. I had my prolactin levels taken on Thursday to check for this. I am a bit worried as the MRI I had a year ago showed a suspected microadenoma on my pituitary gland and I am aware than pregnancy could cause this to grow. Trying not to think about it right now. 

    Outside of all of this, I have had a preliminary diagnosis of PTSD made and I have been referred on for trauma therapy to help. I have been getting flashbacks to miscarrying even before losing Arty, but actually the worst thing is the constant nightmares. The last couple of weeks have been better but I haven't slept through a night since that awful day in August. They rarely relate to miscarrying, instead revolve around extreme fear/terror and everything being out of control. I have always been a vivid dreamer and sometimes lucid too, so this has now gone overdrive. At times I partially wake up and they continue with my eyes open, leaving me absolutely petrified but because I am not 100% conscious, I don't manage to rationalise what is happening or wake my partner up for comfort. If this resonates with you in anyway, I strongly recommend getting on the path to help, as it was making me feel like I was losing it, but being told that it was part of PTSD has certainly helped me keep my sanity.

    Since August, I have admittedly been in a very dark, fragile place. My 30th Birthday two weekends ago was much, much harder than I expected it to be and there were far too many tears of mine shed. The loss knocked me for six. When you consider that Arty was pregnancy number 8, I'm not really surprised that I took a tumble. We have also lost four very close members of our family in the past 4 years and the grief just became all consuming for me. With the love of my incredible husband, family and friends, I am slowly rebuilding and getting there. I am finally starting to feel more like myself and definitely feeling stronger now.

    Most importantly, the last few days has finally started rekindling that little bit of hope that, one day, I might get to hold a baby in my arms.

    Arty, Bubble, Ocean, Little blob and Little Bean...plus the four tiny lives that we didn't dare even name...you are in our hearts and every time we look up on a clear night, we see you in the stars xxxxx

    Offline MadameG

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    Treatment planning is booked for this Friday.

    Canít believe we are about to start our fourth fresh cycle 😔

    Current plan is to have the scratch on day 21ish of this cycle (currently on day 6), then onto long protocol with gonal f.

    First cycle was long with menopur = 16 eggs (8 for me) mild ohss
    Second cycle was long gonal f = 22 eggs, (11 for me) severe ohss, freeze all with an improvement on embryo quality
    Third cycle was short with merional and fostimon = 7 eggs (despite 16+ mature size follies, own cycle) moderate ohss managed at home

    I have to say I am currently dreading starting again. I canít quite believe we are going to be 6 years into this shoddy journey from the 3rd of January. Iím also trying to get a new permanent job (currently temping) and I have no idea how I will manage to get the time off work for scans etc. I will just have to make it work somehow....

    This is not what I thought I would be facing as this point 4 months ago.

    xxx

    Offline MadameG

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    Meds are being delivered this Friday :o

    Start metformin straight away, scratch on the 28th, followed by doxycycline and start suprecur that day too (I think!). Baseline is booked for the 15th. Stims this time are Bemfola, which is an fsh drug similar to Gonal f, which I had on my second long protocol cycle in Jan 2016. Gosh I canít believe that I started that cycle pretty much 2 years ago now.

    Also had my follow up phone call with Quenby from Coventry. She couldnít believe the level of bad luck of Arty having triploidy...she is also concerned that we should have had bloods taken to check where the extra set of chromosomes came from. Considering that I have had karotyping done, it is pretty certain that it came from a faulty sperm, but she is supposed to be speaking to the lab and coming back to me as the genetics report letter contradicts itself; the first paragraph says no bloods needed and the third says it does. Trying to put this all out of my mind and just press ahead with the cycle...

    Outside of IVF, the grief still comes out of nowhere. Most of the time I am Ďokí now but today DH and I went to the garden centre and there was a pair of excited ID twin girls (maybe 11 years old) looking at the living nativity animals. I just broke down in tears there and then at the thought that I may never be taking my child to do the same. I felt so embarrassed as I couldnít stop the tears falling but DH was so very sweet and told me it was absolutely fine and understandable - he really is a gem ❤️.

    2018, I hope you know there is a lot riding on you. No pressure.

    xxx

    Offline MadameG

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    Started some leftover metformin last night and today I have felt really poorly - headaches, nauseous, dizzy...really hope it was just a chance and I actually had a bit of low level migraine.

    It did, however, also make me feel quite panicked about the prospect of being back on IVF meds and suprecur in particular, as it has made me feel horrendous every single time.

    Please let it all finally be worth it  ^pray^ xxxxx

    Offline MadameG

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    Scratch - done ✅

    Very ouchy, but not quite as painful as the Simplant biopsies. Pretty crampy now though.

    Moved the baseline scan to the 10th Jan as I realised that I would be on suprecur for almost 3 weeks and frankly, I cannot deal with the side effects for that long!

    Driving back to England for some more Christmas festivities now and dinner with friends.

    2018 I am ready for you!

    Bring. It. On. 💜

    Offline MadameG

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    Bleugh, these suprecur night sweats  ^bigbad^ Normally I sleep in pyjamas as I get really cold, but the night sweats mean that I am in a cycle of wake up completely drenched and boiling hot, strip off, wake up freezing cold, redress....and repeat! Iím also really thirsty all the time too, so waking up for a drink as well. So so tired today...

    Oh but I did get my nhs prescribed lubion yesterday - woop woop! The needles were missed off the prescription though so I need to track some down xxx

    Offline MadameG

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    Stims are go!

    First dose of Bemfola tonight - 150iu. Staying on the dose for five days and back in for a scan on Monday. The scan this morning showed a nice thin lining of 2.65, which is fab as some cycles Iíve not shed it properly by bleeding very lightly before. This time, AF was a decent amount and also I had no tissue in it, as I have had some months over the last year or so.

    My antral follicle count was about 15 today, with a couple of follicles around the 7mm mark.

    With the exception of the terrible night sweats, I've actually felt alright on suprecur this time  ???. Considering that every time before Iíve felt like I had a permanent hangover, I wonder if the doxycycline counteracted something? Mystery.

    Feeling pretty emotional about starting stims to be honest. Artyís due date is creeping closer and the reality of not being on maternity leave and instead being back to cycling again takes my breath away sometimes...

    Very much hoping that life may be kinder to us this year ^pray^ xxxxx

    Offline MadameG

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    Day two of stims.

    Felt absolutely rubbish today, headachy and sicky, although I suspect that is more from being shattered from 6am starts and long days.

    Tonight I am sure that I am feeling a little uncomfy around my ovaries. Pretty certain that I felt this way last time after a couple of days, but I canít bear to look back through the pages in my diary.

    Just for notes, I am currently taking proxeed, solgar folate, metformin, doxycycline, mini aspirin, suprecur and bemfola.

    Dear ovaries: please get to work nicely and start prepping some good, healthy eggs for me. You donít have to go too crazy but a moderate amount would be lovely  ^pray^.

    💜 xxxxx

    Offline MadameG

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    First stims scan done ✅

    Well my ovaries have done their typical over excited response. Approx 13 leading follies 9-14mm ish (most at the top end) with another 10ish smaller ones that will hopefully get left behind. Dropping the dose to 112.5 tonight and ec is currently looking like Friday or Monday. Back in two days to see.

    There was a little bit of free fluid on the scan too, which is not great at this point. Only about 15mm ish.

    On Saturday we decided to have a bit of an, ahem, fun evening as we realised that dtd would be off the plate for at least a few weeks. Obviously jangled the ovaries too much as I was pretty uncomfy after!  ::)

    Popping into Morrisons now to stock up on nuts and complan as Iíve currently had my head in the sand - need to get back on the protein train and accept this is happening.

    Steady on ovaries, you are growing a precious cargo 💜 xxxx