* Author Topic: The life of a full time working mumma to a miracle boy 💙  (Read 30369 times)

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Offline Bubbles12

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Dear Diary

2dp5dt

I had a lie in today... til 03:17. Now im wide awake again thinking all sorts. This is the 3rd night running ive been wide awake this early. Today is going to be a long day. 😫
I tried going to bed a little later but that hasnt worked.

Ordered so FRER on Amazon the other day, they have arrived. They also had the pregnancy test 'one step' in there. Ive not heard good reviews on them.

I will admit, im struggling. Me and OH have decided to test a week today as i am off work that day so gives me a chance to process the result.

I flutter from being positive about this, the very negative. Im trying to block out the negative thoughts but it is hard.

Symptom wise... nothing. I have very mildly tender nipples but thats it and that will be from the progesterone. Other than that and being very tired, i feel normal. Which is ok right, because had this been a natural conception, i wouldnt feel any different yet anyway.

X

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    Offline Bubbles12

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    Finally....

    A symptom of something! I have sore boobies. Although, this is just the progesterone, i know this but i was worrying that the progesterone wasnt working.
    They are swollen and sore.

    I think i had a few twinges this morning.. but the fact im saying 'i think' means they are nothing to write home about. If anything, i have been getting more twinges in my ovaries than anywhere else.

    I pray i sleep through tonight. OH is going into DS room to sleep so i can try and get a full night.

    I need to stop googling.... everything.

    So, this is it. No more google....

    What will be will be.

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    3dp5dt

    Slept a little later this morning, til 03:50. OH had a bad stomach so it was that that woke me. Took me an hour to nod back off, so i dont feel so tired today.

    My boobs were so sore last night but alot better this morning. I had the slightest bit of cramping, actually, i wouldnt even call it cramping, just a feeling. But its gone now.

    Yesterday was a fun day. We had out team building day at work and we all were in teams and had to come up with our own exercises. Our team won. Good job as im horrendously competitive.
    Anyway, one of my managers who was on the opposite team had done my return to work on Thursday. She knew all about my treatment and i shared my concerns of the team building exercises and i was hoping they weren't physical. She explained that her teams exercise wasnt too physical and was a simple step over something.
    Well, she lied. There was tight string between 2 chairs and we had to climb over it, all holding hands but only using each other. So all my team wanted us to stand on each others knees to get over. Like hell i was doing that.
    Once team member, when i said i wasnt doing it, quite abruptly asked why... he really annoys me at the best of times but this got my back up. I just told him id had an operation recently and i couldnt. It soon shut him up, but it also would have raised questions at work.

    Never mind.

    Trying to stay positive but its hard.


    Offline Bubbles12

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    Urgh.... i need someone to give me some positivity...

    Im lagging, big time 😏

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    4dp5dt

    This is by far, the worst 2ww ive ever had, and im only day 4.
    Day 4! It feels like ages.

    So, ive been silly. I tested yesterday. I thought it would be a good idea to test out my trigger. I got a faint line on CB and a negative on the FRER. I took the FRER apart and there was a line. Weirdly, this gave me a boost of positivity even though i knew it was too early.
    So this morning, ive woken and my boobs are back to normal, they dont hurt at all.
    My tummy though is different, lots of different feelings going on. Again, im aware this means nothing as the progesterone could be behind it but its nice to feel something. So i did another FRER and it was stark negative, even after taking it apart so thats my trigger defiantly gone.

    Ive really got to stop test now for a while. Who knows how long a while is but im back at work tomorrow so dont want to be testing, get a BFN and toddle off to work do i....
     

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    5dp5dt

    Time to pull my socks up and stop feeling so down and out. I have no reason to feel so negative about this cycle. I have every chance of it working. So, as from this morning, im being positive.
    This is what i decided in the car on the way to work this morning. So far so good.
    Nothing much to report symptom wise, again, whatever i do have, could be anything. Im itching to test. Itching. Especially as it was at this point (5dp) that i got my BFP for DS.
    I have sneakily bought more tests.
    If i can just get through tonight, and perhaps tomorrow night then perhaps i could do a sneaky test on Wednesday 😬

    We got the memory stick of the embryo transferred in the embryoscope. Its simply amazing watching it develop and seen it starting to hatch.

    I have lost my appetite a little over the last few days. Even now, i cant really face eating the meals that i normally eat. I can only out it down to slight anxiety and stress maybe?

    I need to eat something, i fancy chippy chips!


    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    6dp5dt

    Ive had the worst night sleep. All of a sudden, my nose has become so blocked, it has kept me up all night. Ive had around 4 hours of unsettled sleep.

    Now for work 😫

    Symptoms, to early in the morning to say, but as from bedtime last night, still off my food. I could barely manage a slice of toast for my tea last night. Again, this could be passed off as a symptom for a number of things.

    My boobs are back to normal, no pain or tenderness which concerns me. I also have woken up to a little niggle in my back so i think AF is on her way 😭

    There is no way OH is going to let me test yet. The wait is killing me.

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    6dp5dt (again)

     ^BFP^ ^BFP^

    I tested last night, got the faintest of squinters yesterday evening. So i talked OH into letting me test this morning and the line is darker.

    So now to start with the testing frenzy......

    Im in shock.... utter shock...

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Eurgh...

    Line on the FRER is fainter than this mornings. Im praying its not a CP. I don't know whether to retest in the morning and know.... or live in a worrying bubble for another day or 2





    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    7dp5dt

    Looks like another chemical.

    Test line is so faint OH couldnt even see it.

    I kinda knew it. Right from the beginning anyway. I really did.
    So im not gonna bother with any more tests until monday and i will use a digi one.
    I would rather stop all my meds too but i guess if im not testing the line out to be completely negative, then i cant.

    At least i have 3 embryos frozen so i can try again in the new year. Get Christmas out the way, have some wine. Lose some bloody weight and get back on it in January.

    This isnt over yet.....