* Author Topic: The life of a full time working mumma to a miracle boy 💙  (Read 30366 times)

0 Members

Offline Bubbles12

  • VIP Member Sponsor
  • *
Dear Diary

Ive been suffering with a bad back. So bad ive been having spasms. I ended up at the out of hours on Sunday afternoon when i had the mother of all spasms. So bad that i was screaming in pain. My poor DS, what must he thought (i think i actually recall him laughing as he thought i was joking) bit what i did see was this darling, caring little boy that wanted to look after his mumma. He was straight over, trying to take charge in looking after me, stroking and trying to cuddle me. If i wasnt in so much pain, i could have appreciated and lapped up his attention a little more.

Anyway, trapped nerve i had so i was given tramadol and diazepam. Jeez, that made me spaced out!

Back is better now, so im back to work tomorrow. Ive had 2 weeks off.

So, i just called my consultants secretary to find out when my follow up app will be. I knew it could be some time in January but i did think id have the appointment date by now.
She said my name isnt on there yet. The next available app is Jan 15th but she was reluctant to give me that app in case there was others in front of me. If i cant have that, it will be feb!
So, she is calling me back to let me know. If there isnt one by feb, im just going to go private. OH is happy about it but tough.

Through research, ive also found that the only tests they do for recurrent MC is a scan and APS blood test (to check for clotting) which ive already had. Clearly (i may be naive) but a scan wont show ought as ive had many scans and ive also carried a baby successfully. So i doubt im going to be hanging around and waiting for these tests before my next transfer.
Ive beem googling about Letzerole, predisone and my thyroid levels (going to the docs on friday to get this checked) so these are all things im taking to my follow up.


FertilityFriends

  • Advertisement
  • ***

    Offline Bubbles12

    • VIP Member Sponsor
    • *
    Ps...

    2020... I am going to make my DS a big Brother!

    I am
    I am
    I am

    Offline Bubbles12

    • VIP Member Sponsor
    • *
    Dear Diary

    1st day back at work today and i couldn't help feeling sad. The last time i was at my desk i was happy and thought/hoping to have a baby.
    My colleague who is 12 weeks pregnant was there, and i heard her moan how sick she felt. Id give anything to feel what she felt now.
    She would never mean it maliciously, she just forgot who her audience was.

    It still hurts.

    Well, me being my usual impatient self, i called my consultants secretary as i still havent received a follow up app yet (yes, i know, its only been 2 weeks) but i just wanted to know how far down the list i was.
    She said there was a few apps around the 15th Jan but needed to see how many ladies were in front of me  waiting, before she could give me one of those apps. Well, i called today for an update and she said she had a look and she said there are lots of ladies way in front of me for an appointment so its going to be a long wait. She said the earliest will be mid/end Feb.

    I cant wait that long!

    So... ive gone and paid for a private appointment. OH wasnt overjoyed with it. But i reasoned with him that should we wait until March, it could be end of April before we even start, if medicated that could mean end of my for transfer. B November, we will need to pay storage fee for the embryos but im hoping to either be well and truly pregnant by that point, or have used them all. So if we wait for the app in March, we will indefinitely have to pay storage fees as there is no way we could fit 3 transfers in by then.

    Not being funny, i dont even know if we started in Feb, vod we squeeze 3 in by November. FET, im completely clueless.
    Id imagine you could do back to back transfers. However, we would need to have a break in between each one to we can replenish the bank account.
    So my app is on the 17th.... of this month. 😬
    OH doesnt need to come with me, he works nights so im happy to go on my own.

    I know its up to my consultant, but im still undecided on whether i would prefer natural or medicated. They are both appealing.

    DS had a school trip today to see a santa show, he rrally enjoyed it. His behaviour has improved slightly but still has a few issues.

    X


    Offline Bubbles12

    • VIP Member Sponsor
    • *
    Dear diary

    Tomorrow i should be going for my 7 week scan 😪. I remember when i booked it, i thought it would drag on by, it seemed ages away, but its flown, all because of the wrong reasons.
    This wkend has been hard. Ive been at work and ive worked with my colleague, lets call her Jane as i cant be bothered to keep calling her my colleague.
    Jane is still being cautious about talking about her pregnancy. If i bring it up, which i havent for a while, she will chat about it, but doesnt bring it up. She is 12 weeks today, her scan is on friday and i am so very envious/Jealous of her. I wish it was me, i really do.

    Ive been doing some researching. I hate this bit in limbo when you want to get going again, having to wait but want to feel like your doing something.  Ive found what i want to ask my consultant and it centres around miscarriage and what he can suggest i can take to prevent it happening again. I have my sugestions/thoughts which i will bring to the table.

    Ive had a letter come through to make my app for recurrent miscarriage, i will make the appointment tomorrow

    I worry about money. Yes its nice that i have frosties, ive always wished i would. However, if this next one doesnt work, or we lose another... i cant keep forking out 1500 for each round, on the flip, i cant throw them away and wo der what if? So im really praying this time works.

    Christmas is nearly here and it couldnt feel less christmassy if i tried. We have a surprise trip for DS  on Sunday, going ti Servern Valley on the Christmas steam train. He is going to love it.
    Nearly finished Xmas shopping. Just got a few more bits to get.

    I read a quote today that couldnt be more true, or how im feeling...

    'Just because someone carries it well, doesn't mean it isnt heavy'

    Xx

    Offline Bubbles12

    • VIP Member Sponsor
    • *
    Dear Diary

    I managed to get a cancellation at the recurrent miscarriage clinic and its for this friday. Im glad ive managed to get in this quickly. Although, it really hasnt gone down well with work. So yesterday, i spoke to my manager and told him about the RM referral and he was fine. He did ask if i only had the 1 app before Xmas (the follow up) and at that point, it was.
    As soon as i realised this app was up for grabs, i called my line manager (different manager, and a level below) i made sure with her there was enough room on the rota for them to let me go to the app. She said yes and told me to go agsad and book it

    Well, when he and her had a chat about it today, he wasnt happy. And in order to vent his frustration, he said the only way he could accommodate it was if he put me on the latest shift time, knowing i really struggle with childcare. He knows my childcare situation so he knew this would nark me.
    I pulled him up, told him there was no reason for him needing me on this shift as it was covered, and that it was out of spite. In the end, we compromised. But he said he could see my apps becoming a problem as people would be getting annoyed (they really wouldnt, if they know and alot know im trying again) i told him i wondered why he cared so much considering IVF was in the company policy and it protected us both.
    Then... it led o to how me not doing the later shift was an issue and we would address it in the new year.
    I couldnt sit there and lie so i was honest. I told him that it was an issue, im feeling pressured and for that reason i have drafted up a letter to formally request for flexible working.

    The guy has no clue on process. He told me months ago that the wont ever give me flexy working because if he gave it to me, he would have to give it to everyone. He also said i knew the contract when starting here. As if circumstances dont change.
    I will admit, im worried. I know the department CAN accommodate, they practically are. I know they SHOULD accomodate as there is enough staff there for it to not affect the operation. He just WONT because its harder for him to do the one thing he does which is manage the rota.

    I mean the guy told me on the last chat we had about it that i wont get flexy working, but the girl that is due back after having 2 babies (consequtively) soon will, because she is coming back from maternity!

    How the hell does that even work! So her childcare is more important than mine? I dont even know what hours she will need but i need to put my request in before she does. Its dog wat dog im afraid!

    Fuming!

    Offline Bubbles12

    • VIP Member Sponsor
    • *
    Grrrr...

    Wrote all this out once already. So this is the shortened version... so excuse typos!

    Ds did his nativity last week. It as lovely. He makes me proud. We are nearly all set for Xmas, just the presents to wrap!

    So we had our RM (Recurrent Miscarriage) app on friday. Lots of bloods taken. She doesnt want me taken any drug unless i have what the drug is used for. So no more clexane.
    She has prescribed me metformin as this helps RM.
    I told her i had the NK Cell blood test in 2013 and all was normal.
    She said im now under her care so of/when i get pregnant again, i will get reassurance scans at 6,8 and 10 weeks. She warned there will be no beating round the bush... honesty is best. I agree.
    I have a telephone appointment on 10th Jan to get the results.

    I had my follow up today. My consultant was surprised my RM doc never offered me the NK cell biopsy but he reasoned miscommunication. He thinks she thought i had had it when i told her about the test i had in 2013.
    He offered it me, i have declined at this point. The reason i declined is because i had DS in between miscarriages. So, because i had DS  surely my previous 2 MC i had, and his twin couldnt of been because of NK. He says NK can develop in time so there is more chance of my latest MC beinv because of bad luck than because of NK... Going by how he explained it (he explained that as you get older, you can pick up such things.. a bit like not suffering with Hayfever when younger, but the developing later on)
    So, if i have another MC, i may reconsider.

    As for FET. I think im going to go with a natural cycle.
    My cycle is 42 days but i do ovulate and i fancy doing this when my body is in its natural state. Even though, success wise, it makes no difference. Still not 100% decided but steering that way.
    So we have a planning app on the 15th Jan and i guess we will start on my next period after that.
    Ive worked out that my next period is due around the 3rd, which means my period where i will start is 15th Feb.

    Shame, if my next period was 2 weeks late, i could have started then!

    Oh, and consultant asked how old i was, i told him 35. He told me that that was my success rate of getting pregnant..... 35% 😫

    Offline Bubbles12

    • VIP Member Sponsor
    • *
    Dear Diary

    I hadnt realised i hadnt updated in a while. Although  not alot to update on.

    Christmas was ok... actually who am i kidding, it was pants. DS loved it but i was poorly all the way through. Still not 100% now.
    It doesnt help that im on metformin and they dont make you feel so great. But i over indulged at xmas so if it puts me off my food a little, thats not so bad

    Having mixed feelings about whether doing this FET is the best thing. Im starting to get the 'cant be arsed' with all the hassle of it all, i should accept what we are are move on. Ive questioned whether i actually want another baby.
    But then i reason, of course i do. Not all the reasons are the right reasons, but still my reasons that are personal to me. That id regret it massively if i just threw away 3 top quality frosties.

    So, i just want to do it, before any feelings intensify.
    Im probably not over the recent CP, although im back to my normal chirpy self, i just dont want to go through that again.

    So, i have my planning meeting on the 15th and im chrrently getting flashy smileys on OPK so im hoping ovulation will hold off until the wkend and if it does, i should be able to start on my next period.

    I keep going back and forth on whether to do a natural or medicated. There are perks to both, but at least wotb medicated, i know exactly what is happening and when.

    Eurgh, i hate making decisions.

    My DS has now started calling me mumma, which i just love. He fills me with such pride and a love ive never experienced. Im utterly besotted by him (when he is being good)



    Offline Bubbles12

    • VIP Member Sponsor
    • *
    Dear Diary

    1st day of my diet and the first day ive actually stuck to a diet since well before my CP. I dread to think what tne scales say, all i know is, everything wobbles. I think ive put on well over a stone. ☹. Im rejoining SW on Saturday and thinking if doing the 12 wk countdown, no excuses then.

    Ive requested flexible working at my work. Ive struggled for 2.5 years now. They dont often put me on the later shift, but when they do, with OH starting his shift at the same time, i have no childcare for about 40 minutes. I expect a battle on my hands, they wont hand it over to me easily, if at all, so im not looking forward to it. But yet again, they have failed their own processes and said things they shouldn't have, so if and when i need too, i will bring this up.
    Im trying to time it to all be finalised just before FET starts. Only FET was looking like it would happen sooner rather than later as i was tracking my ovulation and i still hadnt ovulated on Wednesday. I have my planning app on Weds 15th, so im guessing, as long as my AF starts after that, i can start on my next period, which i wasnt expecting. I have been spotting a little today, never spotted whilst ovulating before so it threw me a little. Im guessing im just going to have to see what comes of it and pray AF isnt on her way yet.

    Oh, ive decided to do medicated FET too, its just easier and more controlled.

    DS is doing well. He is looking forward to going back to school tomorrow. He had a proper big boy hair cut yesterday at the barbers, now, i cant bloody style it so it looks all wonky! Hair wax at the ready tomorrow!
    He is doing really well this winter. He normally suffers a lot with colds and chest infection, bu so far (touch wood) no illnesses that have caused him to have time off school yet.
    We have decided to head south next month for a long wkend to visit a friend. Im hoping that will be smack bang in my 2ww, the break would do us all good. And will occupy my mind and 'hopefully' will stop mw from being too tempted to test...

    X

    Offline Bubbles12

    • VIP Member Sponsor
    • *
    Dear Diary

    Ive done OK on my diet so far (until today) not great but enough to stop me putting on weight.
    Im having a cheat day today and back on it tomorrow. I finally braved the scales and im a stone kver what i was in July.

    So, Prof. Quenby called me yesterday, she is funny. Not very professional sounding on the phone, but i like that... and i like her. So, all my results (apart from kyrotyping) have come back and all are normal. She picked up on my disappointment. Obviously i wanted there to be something so there was something to work on to prevent it happening again.

    She said she doesnt recommend the NK Cell biopsy as ive had a live birth so, it would be pointless and also because i would have another baby so it was a waste of money. She is so optimistic i will have another baby, jts comforting.
    Although, on the phone call, she kept referring me to 'the difficult one'  or 'the hard case'. Some people may of taken offence but i found it rather amusing.

    I have my planning meeting on Wednesday and ive still still decided on a medicated cycle. And as i still havent come on, it looks like we will be starting this cycle.

    Ive planned a wkend away to Devon to see a friend next month and i think, if all goes well, i should be on my 2ww... i really hope so anyway x

    Offline Bubbles12

    • VIP Member Sponsor
    • *
    Dear Diary

    Ive just come back from my planning meeting. Im to start the nasel spray (Buserelin) on the 2nd day of my period. A scan 2 weeks later, then start progynova.
    All in all, the process should take about 5-6 weeks, from my period until transfer.

    Ive got my drugs, cost half what i thought it would, so thats a bonus too!

    Im finding it quite exciting that on 2 of my managers know about my treatment. None of my family or friends know. I intend not to tell anyone, unless i get pregnant and after i see a heartbeat.
    Im not getting carried away.

    X