* Author Topic: The life of a full time working mumma to a miracle boy 💙  (Read 30029 times)

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Online Bubbles12

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Dear diary

I have no doubt, i deffo have ovulated.  Which screws me right over.
Now i have a choice to make..
Continue as planned, (if there is space) and hope that my trip abroad is cancelled (Easyjet have said that on 50% of their flights will go ahead so clearly gives me a 50/50 chance... although the place we are going isnt typically a 'holiday resort)
Or postpone.

Thing is, i thought one of the luxuries of a medicated FET is you can tweak the dates...

So why cant my clinic?

Feeling really down at the moment. Cant shake it off 😔

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    Online Bubbles12

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    Dear diary

    Its been quite a long time since i felt like this... pre DS.

    I cant shake it off. This lockdown has taken its toll on me. I always thought i was pretty easy going... clearly not.
    I feel crap. Constantly in a bad mood, dread the next day, every day. Hate work and i think im experiencing anxiety as well, but its hard to say.

    Im tired, constantly wanting to spend money (a classic sign when my mum is depressed too) i just want to wake up when all this is over.


    On top of that, treatment is coming up... however, my bet is that i miss this one as they told me that July was almost fully booked. I could keep missing it for months!

    The nurse told me to call after ive ovulated (im guessing when my period is just about to start) to check as i always come on over a weekend (i say always, i came on on a Monday last month)
    So i was thinking of calling on Thursday. Hopefully they will have a better idea of if i can be fitted in. I want it on this cycle, i could squeeze this in potentially before my trip. If not, i reckon my next period will be here whilst actually on my trip meaning i would have to faff about declaring my drugs etc.... meaning my dad would have to know and he will moan about having to sort it out as the booking is all under his name!

    All such a nightmare! 😒

    Anyway, better start work 😏

    Online Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    The weather is heating up this week and i hope my mood picks up with it. OH has just booked a couple of nights off work so we can enjoy some time together as a family. Ive missed it so much.

    Im not going to lie... DS is tough. Im finding it very challenging. He is pushing all my boundaries, is so very cheeky and plays us off against each other. This is only temporary i guess, we have spent so much time together that i guess, he is bored.

    Ive felt even more down. The girl that was pregnant, 5 weeks ahead of me at work had her baby yesterday... it knocked me and made me feel so sad. It should be me too, but its not. Ive come to realise that whether i have another baby or not, this yearning feeling is never going to pass is it 😔

    I should be coming on this week. I think it will be Thursday or friday. However, i have a nasty feeling im going to be told they are fully booked..

    Just my luck 😔

    Online Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    We all have a lovely day today. A nice family fun day we called it. We played music, had a BBQ, paddling pool was out, we played giant Jenga and had a water fight. It was lovely and after 11 weeks of not having a day off together... it was definitely needed.

    So... im happy that i did come on this morning. Clearly i know my body despite what the tests say.
    I even knew exactly when come on.. but boobs werent swollen of sore, niggles in my back and bang, there she was.

    So i called the clinic, she said she needed to speak to tge lab manager to see if they could fit me in as their limit was 4 patients and they had 4 already. Luckily she called back and said i was fine to start. So i start injecting on Friday morning and i have a scan on 13th.

    Im going to have a look through my diary and see if i can work out from that when abouts transfer could be but at a guess, i reckon about 28th-31st July ish....

    Online Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    1st injection done 😃

    Online Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    Just done my 3rd injection. This cycle feels different, i feel 'whatever' about it... but in the same sense, im really optimistic, probably the most positive ive felt in all of my 8 cycles... wow! 8! Im a sucker for punishment clearly!

    Feeling tired and get a hot flush here and there but both could be down to the weather.

    Im so glad lockdown is easing. My dad is coming to stay on Saturday and im looking forward to seeing him.

    X

    Online Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    CD6

    So today ive been having ovary twinges... i recall these on my last down regulation so im confident things are progressing how they should be.

    Yesterday lunch i had a chicken breast that i 'cooked' from the night before. I remember sticking a knife in it and checking the tip to check it was cooked, although it was super hot, the way the knife went in, made me think it wasnt cooked. But thought it probably was.
    Anyway, had it for lunch and i didnt eat it all as again thr consistency of the meat made me sure it wasnt cooked, i figured, id soon find out.
    I can now confirm, it wasnt. Yesterday arvo i was drained of energy and since last night and multiple times today, ive spent time on the loo. I havent felt sick, just a dodgy tummy and my appetite has gone.

    It suddenly hit me the other night, that this really is the very last shot of this. They really is no more after this. It excites me that all this will be over, one way or another but i worry how my state of mind will be.. not because it hasnt worked as such, but the empty void it will leave... what will i focus on... ive focused on IVF for 9 years...
    I really am optimistic though. I worry about my trip, that if that will cause me to cancel this cycle but the actual outcome, whether it will be in the cycle as planned or the next, im really hopeful it will work. I really hope i can have transfer on the friday (30th) then go on my trip and not tbe tempted to test.

    Ive decided to send DS back to school. We both are struggling with being at home, i need a break, and so does he. Im just waiting for the school to call me back.


    Online Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    CD11

    I had my dad and his partner over to stay last night. They both live up north, it was good to see him. They both like a drink so we all all had a tipple and a takeaway. DS was very excited to see them.

    Last night i started to spot. Its stopped as quickly as it started. I was a little disheartened that it stopped but i was just getting ready to get in the bath (yes, im having a bath whilst i write this) and its started again so thats good.
    Its got me thinking though, i never had a withdrawal bleed on my failed FET that i had in March. I did question it with the clinic but they said sometimes women dont. 🤷🏻‍♀️. I wonder if that had a part to play in it failing... who knows.
    But as im now spotting, im still very much positive about this cycle. Im not sure i can actually see myself with another baby, part of me thinks i will never be that lucky again... but there is something inside me, that just makes me feel happy when i think about this cycle and the outcome, even if im not actually thinking of a BFP when i feel the happy feeling. Maybe its because i just know that this is it... the end of the road for fertility/TCC whatever the outcome.

    So my scan is a week tomorrow. Im not going to lie, its dragged and will probably continue to drag.

    X

    Online Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    CD19

    Scan day is tomorrow. Im excited and nervous to know how things are progressing. Unlike my last FET, i had a sort of withdrawal bleed. It was so light, id say it was just spotting and i cant see that it would have made much of a difference to my lining but we will see

    If my lining is thick, then this runs a great risk of this being cancelled as it will coincide with my trip abroad in 3 weeks.
    I wonder, in 3 weeks, can all this be done? Eeek! I hope so!
    Then i can go on my trip, be on my 2ww and try and focus on the trip and not on testing!

    Ive got an exercise bike to get fit and lose some weight. I have about 3 weeks to lose a stone (clearly not going to happen)

    DS is doing well, he really enjoyed his 4 days at school and im glad i decided to send him. Now for the 7 week holidays (what am i going to do with him 😬)

    We do need to isolate as much as possible for these next 2 weeks to minimise we catching Covid amd the cycle being cancelled.

     Will update tomorrow.

    X

    Online Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    CD20

    Scan went well, lining was nice and thin so i am to start progynova tomorrow and i have a scan next thursday.

    I asked when she thought transfer would be and she said the earliest was 30th and anything from then really. I told her i couldnt do the first 4 days of August and she said they could work around that.

    I still hope transfer will be before the trip, rather than after as i will need to declare my drugs with the airline.

    I will know exactly when on my next scan so can worry about that then 😬

    Xx