* Author Topic: The life of a full time working mumma to a miracle boy 💙  (Read 29313 times)

0 Members

Offline Bubbles12

  • VIP Member Sponsor
  • *
Dear Diary

Day 7 of stims, done. My belly is huge but im not feeling bloated, barely any twinges and pains 😏. This is making me worry that ive ovulated....
To add to the worry, a friend of mine gave me my cetrotide., she bought her drugs ready to start, but conceived naturally so she gave me hers. Hers were in her fridge but she sent me them via next day delivery and then i put them in the fridge, i worry that with them being out the fridge for 24 hours, has had an affect on them, and maybe they are not working. I checked with the pharmacist before she sent them, and she said it would be fine. Im guessing i will find out tomorrow!

Scan is at 9:40

X

FertilityFriends

  • Advertisement
  • ***

    Offline Bubbles12

    • VIP Member Sponsor
    • *
    Dear diary

    Well, im slightly shocked.

    Im triggering tonight and egg collection is on Wednesday! Ive only stimmed for 7 days! Crazy how different this cycle is.
    She counted quite a few follicles and im very bloated and look pregnant.
    Trigger shot is a 20:30
    Ive got to lower my menopur to 75iu too!

    X

    Offline Bubbles12

    • VIP Member Sponsor
    • *
    Dear Diary

    Trigger shot was done last night. Egg collection is tomorrow. Im guessing i will be first on the list as i triggered at half 8 last night, add on 36 hours is 08:30 tomorrow morning.
    I forgot about the worry about ovulating before egg collection, in fact, i forgot about all the feelings.
    I'll admit, this time is different. I havent got that need like i did last time, that need to be a mother because i already am one. My son is beautiful. So it isnt a 'this has to work' kind of thing.... or is it... am i just kidding myself.
    Im gearing up for a BFN this time. Ive had all my luck when i had my son, this cant possibly work again. I cant see myself as a mother of 2. Im thinking the worst outcome of egg collection, out of embryo outcome and of course, the final result. I just really want my boy to be a brother... he would love it. I feel sad for him that this quite potentially wont work. I fear i may be more upset if this doesnt work than i think.

    The other thing im now battling with is how many to put back. Last time, i had 2 and both stuck, yes, i lost one but even so.  So this time, up until the last day or 2, ive been adament i only want 1 back as i DO NOT want twins... and i still very much do not want twins... but i worry that i may get a BFP but miscarry.... at least with 2 back, i have more chance of having 1. That said, i dont think i can risk having 2 back.
    This IVF malarki is tough going.

    Im feeling increasingly frustrated with people at work. They just dont get it (i cant expect them too really having not been through it) but a few people knew about my egg collection tomorrow and not 1 wished me luck 🙁  i wish they didnt know. Especially if i do get a BFN... talk about awkward.

    I also worry about me going back to work the day after EC, normally im in quite some discomfort for days after, but i reasoned that my job was very desk based and unless i need to loo or a hot drink etc, i dont actually have to move from my seat but i will see how i feel.

    Once DS is in bed, im going to catch up on some TV and have an early night.

    X

    Offline Bubbles12

    • VIP Member Sponsor
    • *
    Dear Diary

    Im trying to remain positive. I got 12 eggs. Ideally, i would have liked more but i guess it is what it is.

    Apparently, i had 70 follicles, the most my consultant has ever seen and yet only 12 eggs retrieved. But, unlike any other cycle ive had, these eggs are all mine, i dont need to share them.
    I now have to wait for a call tomorrow to inform me how many were mature and how many fertilize, if any.

    I dont think i can face work tomorrow.

    Offline Bubbles12

    • VIP Member Sponsor
    • *
    Dear diary

    Ive tried to nap but couldnt. Ive been researching and i do feel somewhat better about things, there is no point dwelling.
    Ive called in sick at work as i cant face the call if its bad news.

    I have asked OH the question of what next if this doesnt work, he hasnt ruled out another cycle.

    Now, to pick up my boy from school, he will deffo cheer me up the little pigeon x

    Offline Bubbles12

    • VIP Member Sponsor
    • *
    Dear diary

    Ive had the worst nights sleep. I feel like a zombie. I had a tramadol before bed as was a little uncomfortable, worst mistake... i cant sleep on tramadol, at all.

    Im now lying in bed, googling IVF success stories, particularly, day 3 transfers.

    Im waiting for the call and im not going to lie, im dreading it. Im really trying though to be optimistic and positive despite  my previous cycles.


    Offline Bubbles12

    • VIP Member Sponsor
    • *
    Its over.

    Only 2 mature eggs.... none fertilized. Cant even speak

    Offline Bubbles12

    • VIP Member Sponsor
    • *
    I feel so upset.

    This is a massive cock up on my clinics part. Yesterday waa full of anger, today (already) i cant stop crying. Ive just wasted nearly 5K and have absolutely nothing to show for it all because the clinic.

    After doing some slight research, im now coming to the conclusion that they triggered me too early.
    70 follicles, only 12 eggs? 12 eggs and only 2 mature? Thats the evidence right there. This has NEVER happened before to me... NEVER. Ive always had a good maturity and fertilization rate.
    This is my clinics fault.
    I feel sad for so many reasons, i feel sad for my son, i feel sad for me. I feel sad that i have had the chance ripped away with no hope at all. I feel sad that im having to now put a big complaint into the clinic and seemingly fight for what is right and get my money back, so we can do this all over again, but whilst keeping the good rapport with them.

    I am so so tired, i look 6 months pregnant and im miserable. I cant face work.
    I now have to go to the clinic today for a blood test to check for OHSS and face there people when i feel very weak (emotionally).

    X

    Offline Bubbles12

    • VIP Member Sponsor
    • *
    I spoke to the nurse today

    Only 6 of my 40+ follicles were at 18mm
    The rest were all below, some at 17mm but but between 15 -16mm.
    My blood levels were at 11,000 too.

    From the vibe i got from her, i think she was more inclined to agree with what i was saying. I hope i am right and not mis-judging her response with her just being sympathetic.
    She has advised to complain.
    When i said they should have cancelled or continued to stimm, coast then collect with a view of a freeze all cycle to avoid OHSS, she nodded in agreement so she has given me hope.
    She said that the clinic have given patients free cycles in the past for errors of many reasons so it was achievable that they could offer me this.

    Today, i feel awful, over emotional, so very tired and i feel i have been hit by a lorry.


    Offline Bubbles12

    • VIP Member Sponsor
    • *
    I feel so low.

    I feel like i havent slept for a week.

    The clinic just called and said my bloods came back fine but if i felt at all unwell, to go back in and see them. Ive bloated right back out again.

    I asked her what is the level of Estrodiol that makes them consider EC. She told me anything below 18000. That each follicle is around 1000 each so given mine was 11000 that was about right for each egg i got.
    Im starting to think this is a battle im not going to win.

    She said that my consultant and the head of complaints now have my email and have looked at my notes and will discuss everything when i see them on wednesday.

    I just can accept that this was just one of those things. To have only 2 mature eggs, something was done wrong. A wrong decision was made. But they will pull rank and have each others backs and i will be left, 6K down with never a chance in the world of giving my darling little boy a brother or sister.

    I feel so so low.