* Author Topic: The life of a full time working mumma to a miracle boy 💙  (Read 30378 times)

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Offline Bubbles12

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Dear Diary

Its been a while!

So last time i posted, i found out we were in more debt than i was aware of. OH had got himself in a mess and i finally found out the truth.
 
Things were pretty crap. I felt betrayed and hurt. But in the 5 months since we have both really sorted ourselves out.
Debt consolidation, managing money better and budgeting!
Which now means we have savings. We had decided to buy a house, but time wasnt on our side due to OH age. We realised that if we got a 95% mortgage, we would only have 12.5yrs to pay it off, meaning DS childhood would be affected, we wouldnt afford holidays, days out... nothing.

So we are now looking to hold back on buying a house (potentially looking at shared ownership) but to do this, we need to have time, time to give our (mine) credit rating a chance to look healthy, for the right house to come up, 1 that we want not one we can barely afford.

In the meantime 😳 dare i say it.... i think we may go once more for a sibling. We now have enough to pay for a cycle ohrselves (rather than credit) and still have enough savings where we have a good enough basis to continue saving, whatever the outcome of the IVF.
Im not rushing into this by any means. I have a figure in my head of where i want our savings to be before i will start treatment, if things go well, it will be October, if not, maybe January.
I also havent completely made a decision 100%. I still have niggles that this is the right thing to do or not. Its been on my mind for weeks.
I just cant leave it where is was, with terrible cycle and not even having a proper chance.

My little pickle is doing well, he is so funny. We just had parents evening and i had 3 different teachers tell me how funny he is and full of character (il take ownership of that)
He will be starting reception in September and i keep thinkinh, how did it ever go this quick?! 😭😭😭

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    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    The 6 weeks holidays are nearly over. Part of me is glad, glad to be back into a routine, no more worries for childcare for a while, part of me is excited for DS, he will be starting reception, so im excited for all the things he will be learning, doing homework together and watching him grow.
    But then im a little sad too, i dont really know why. Ive enjoyed him not being at school. Ive had 3 weeks off with him over the course of the holidays and ive really enjoyed it. I dreaded it to begin with, had no clue what to do with him, how to entertain him. But i didnt need to, it was fine. Dont get me wrong, he really can be challenging at times, as they all can...

    So, we decided to press forward with the treatment. Now that the holidays are nearly over, we will be concentrating on saving again, hardcore. Ideally id like to be in a position to start looking for a property a year after the baby is born if we get pregnant.
    So, we have an app on the 11th and im guessing when my next period starts, we will start stimming. I have worked out my next period should start the 1st wkend of October (my cycle is every 42 days)

    When i was pregnant with DS, my bestest of friends lost her mother to a short fight of an aggressive form of cancer. It was 3 months from when she was diagnosed til she died. It was awful.
    Well, now her sister has cancer and although being diagnosed in January, its now terminal and has been given months to live. She is 44! Just 44!
    I worry so much for my friend, she has recently had a baby. Ive organised a fundraiser event for the end of next month for them, to raise money in order for them to go private as apparently, there are more options privately.
    I truly hope there is hope out there for them.
    Whilst all this is going on, my focus isnt on my treatment which i think is a good thing
    Fingers crossed the next few months has a positive outcome for both me and my friend

    X

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    So, our App is on Wednesday. Its just an info session and im guessing/hoping they will say we can start on my next period which will be the 1st wkend of October.

    The dates has caused slight upset as my sisters 40th is mid October. We have paid for a spa day for her and my family, i figured that with a spa day i can get around that if im stimming. However, she asked me to go out to celebrate her birthday. She wants to do cocktail making then a night out after. The cocktail making isnt cheap either.
    I cant do that, i will be smack bang in the middle of treatment and alot of alcohol is consumed when cocktail making.
    I decided a long time ago not to tell my sister about trying for another one because she doesnt agree with it. My sister has had IVF herself, lots of it. She succeeded, had a multiple pregnancy and all is well. But for some reason, she just doesnt think i should have another, she believes i should be thankful for how lucky i was to get DS (which believe me, i am) and how unfair it would be if i had a 2nd and it was disabled or poorly and how it wouldnt be fair on my DS. Whilst i see her point, i also see that if everyone shared that opinion, nobody would ever have more than one child.

    Anyway, i tried to tell her tonight i couldnt come and made the excuse i couldnt afford it, but it was clear it wasnt going to wash so i had no choice but to come clean and tell her the real reason. The response i got was 'OK'

    OK!!! Thats it! No recognition at all. I called her and nothing. No mention of us doing treatment. Later, she called me back to talk more about her night out and said 'you never know, your treatment may be delayed and then you can come'

    Jeez! She always makes me feel as if im making the wrong choices all the while. To be fair, she hasnt actually said anything but because of that, i now feel crap... and angry!

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    Looks like OH is going to lose his job! He had an accidemt on Weds night causing damage to his vehicle and has now been suspended pending investigation. I know how this will go, they will sack him.
    Im not mad at him, it was an accident but im so so worried, i cant sleep. That job has a great deal of faults but if pays well, offers plenty of OT but more importantly, is perfect for our homelife and fits in with my working hours.
    I dont know what we will do. All our hard work into saving is possibly going to be ruined unless he finds a job instantly.
    (He is already looking)
    We cant cancel the treatment. Drugs have been brought amd i cant mess the clinic around again, we literally start in 2 weeks!

    As for the cycle, im going to ovulate this wkend (should be tofay) ive been using OPK's and had a flashing face since Sunday. I just did a cheapie and there isnt even a line so i have no idea. Will take my last digital tonight.

    What if this happening with OH is a sign not to be doing this?

    Oh, i also got a letter through the post saying im a carrier of Strep B. Bloody great! Im only a carrier so doesnt mean i have it but kt does carry great risks if i get pregnant... another sign maybe?

    DS is doing well. He has been so naughty just lately so ive tried a new technique with him and it seems to be working.
    Ive also decided im (we) are too impatient with him, and lose our cool too easily so im trying not to, and that seems to be going really well. I feel alot better by not doing it, less stressed, less guilty.
    He bought his first reading homework home with him this week. Ive been so excited for this. He already knows a few letters and words. Im excited to helping him learn.

    Oh, im so worried 😢

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear diary

    The situation is bleak with OH's job. They have finished the investigation and he is to go for his outcome meeting next Thursday. We wont let it get to that point. He will be handing his notice in first thing Wednesday/Thursday morning.
    Although there is work out there and OH has been promised this and promised that by the agency, nothing has materialised. He NEEDS to be back in work this time next week.
    Im so annoyed that this has happened, not at him as it was an accident, more so the timing.

    As for treatment, my consultant wanted me to have a positive OPK before booking me in for my scratch. But i have been getting flashy smileys for 11 days, took a different test and was completely negative so clearly i had a did test.
    I emailed him and he wanted me to wait until next month but ive told him we will go ahead with treatment regardless. The nurses had told me last month that new research on the scratch shows it doesnt really do alot so although it was free, im happy to continue without it.
    I should be on a week on Saturday so will start then, im not going to lie, im not really excited, with everything going on, i cant get excited.
    I will be honest, i doubt we will get a baby at the end of it. Too much is going on, but with DH age and the sperm up for renewal, this is now or never.

    DS is doing OK, we have been pulled into the school twice already because of his behaviour. He is to physical with his hands towards other children. One to watch out for.
    Ive noticed if he is doing something, particularly if its naughty and im telling him off, he has to do it 10 more times, and counts it before he stops doing it.
    Im still not convinced that there isnt issues there, but i will have to see how it goes.
     

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    OH handed his notice in on Monday. Our hunch was right and they terminated his contract that day without even telling us. Now we have the fight of getting his wages which are owed to him. He luckily has a temporary job which pays the same pretty much and has an interview for a full time hob tomorrow. The job he is going for tomorrow was offered to him last year but he declined. He wont be declining this time if he gets it. That will then see us through until something more suited comes along. Well, we are hoping this one will do him fine, we will see.

    As for DS, i had to complain to the school this week about his teacher. She has been applying pressure about DS dressing himself, threatening that he wont be able to do PE as its taking him 40mins to undress. I told them its work in progress and i dont appreciate being threatened. I said that if its taking him 40 minutes, then it suggests he is struggling (and slightly lazy) and they should he helping him and giving us tips instead of threats. It mad me so made. They only gave us the homework of teaching him 2 weeks ago!

    So, although my period is due this wkend, i have been having alot of **TMI ALERT** ewcm and as i never got a positive on the OPK, i had an inkling i was ovulating, so paid 20 for a box of tests and got a solid smiley on the 1st test! GRRRRR!
    So im disappointed as this puts me 2 weeks behind where i thought we would be.
    It does mean i can have my scratch done now so i have emailed my consultant to book me in.

    In other news, i had organised a fundraising event for my BFF sister how had terminal cancer. It was to raise funds for her to go private. It become pretty apparent that we wasnt gonna do it in time as she went down hill fast.
    My event was on Saturday and shockingly, i managed to raise over 2k! I was so happy and chuffed. It was a really good night... unfortunately, her sister sadly passed away on Tuesday. Its so sad. I cried all day yesterday. I cant imagine how my friend feels, losing her mum and sister to cancer in 4  years.

    Life is so cruel sometimes.

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    Not alot to report. Since getting a positive on the OPK, i have been suffering with sore boobs. I normally get this about a week before i come on. If this is the case, thats only about 9 days from a positive test to my AF starting.

    In other words, i have no clue when i will come on. I always come on at a wkend (generally Sundays) so time will tell.

    My consultant havsnt got back to me about my scratch, i need to book it in. Im not overly impressed with him... and how he treats me.
    Luckily, i wont have to deal with him on my cycle anyway

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    Im not getting so good at updating this, not that there is much to report.
    So, we had DS' parents evening this week. He is now in reception. Its was........ Ok.
    I know that DS is already on a reward chart for his behaviour and i knew that his behaviour wasnt the best. I asked his teacher if my DS was a problem child... she said no (in around about way) but he did have behaviours issues.
    That said, he had been excellent this week and should it carry on til the end of the week, he would get a prize. Well, he managed it and he got a prize from school and at home.

    As for the dressing himself, he has improved, alot. Even the teacher said so. He just struggles with his socks.
    She said learning wise, he is where he should be, but we both need to be consistent to tackle his behaviour.
    Currently i think he is getting poorly as he had a temperature last night.
    To be fair, he is prone to every cold and always gets numerous coughs this time of year and throughout winter but nothing yet. So he hasnt dome too badly.

    As for OH job, (new) its ok. More hours and appears the pay waant as good as it was sold to him. It just about covers the bills, perhaps may be able to save a couple for hundred but its not ideal. There is full time jobs potentially on the horizon, but a few companies are giving him the runaround.

    As for treatment. I finally had my scratch on Wednesday, had a little spotting which stopped by the evening. Again it was painless and was free so that was good.
    Ive woke up this morning with a bit of belly ache and i think im spotting (if i am, its ever so light) so we will see how/if that progresses. If i dont come on by end of day tomorrow, i know it will be the next wkend as i never come on in the week.

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    Constant knicker watching.

    Still no period.

    🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    Very very sore and swollen boobies

    Still no period 🤬

    Going by how sore my boobs are, i reckon Friday or Saturday morning i will be on....... only 2 weeks bloody late!