* Author Topic: The life of a full time working mumma to a miracle boy 💙  (Read 50204 times)

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Offline Bubbles12

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Dear Diary

18 Weeks and 1 Day Pregnant

All weekend i have been completely pooped. I thought you were meant to feel better in the 2nd trimester... but i am exhausted.
Ive been really tearful today, probably as im so tired. But dealing with serious mummy guilt. No patience, tires, and no motivation to so anything with my poor DS.
I have also been thinking about the kind of mother i am and how this wasnt how i envisaged. Which then makes me question how i will cope with 2 children.
Not question as such... but im a worrier... so i worry i wont cope... i think its just hormones as i am so excited for all of this.
I explained to DS over dinner today how tired i am growing a baby and it will continue until baby Ned 'pops' (his words).
He did no more than tidy all his toys away, sorted the sofa out with a blanket laid across so i could relax! My heart melted.

As for Ned, i was feeling him loads this week... little flutters and twitches... now... nothing! Nothing for 2 days! Ive checked the heartbeat so i know all is ok (i know this isnt a reliable way of reassurance in later pregnancy) but i guess he has changed position and kicking into me rather than out of me if that makes sense.

Work is utterly rubbish at the moment too.

Its nearly a year (in about a week) that i had my
chemical pregnancy. Its amazing how a year can change things!
X

 



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    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    18 Weeks and 4 Days pregnant

    And out come the gaviscon...
    Heartburn has been lingering in the background, even toast set it off this morning.

    As for sleep. Im having a sick say today as im exhausted. I was up at half 3 this morning and 4 yesterday morning. All because of congestion.
    So i called the doctor and he has prescribed a steroid nasal spray, but im unsure i can take it. Funny, she said i couldnt have a saline spray! So i have no idea what to think

    Baby Neds movements are back. I love feeling him and cant wait for OH and DS to feel him too.

    X

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    20 Weeks and 2 Days Pregnant

    Sleep has improved. Im actually back to getting some. I realised that the reason for the congestion was probably because i had the flu Jab a few days before.

    Bump isnt growing as fast as i thought/would like it too. I was pretty big at 12 weeks so i think baby has just used up the baby bloat. I mean, im evidently pregnant but i wouldn't necessarily sat im massively bigger than i was 3-4 weeks ago.

    Neds movements are up and down. Last week, (Thursday) he was on the go all day, even seen my belly move (im now questioning that due to now lack of movment) then since then, slowed right down. Im still feeling him move and kick, but its pretty low down whereas the other day, it was in line with where my belly button is.

    We have our 20 week scan tomorrow so in hoping to know his position then. The 20 week scan is always a little nerve racking isnt it as this is a detailed scan to ensure of no abnormalities.
    Once all is confirmed that baby is ok, im really praying that he is in a decent position to A) Allow the sonographer to get all the measurements she needs and see everything functioning... and B) to allow us to get a decent pic as we havent had 1 decent picture yet.

    DS has swapped rooms. He was in the front room but as the house quite high, any wind or rain, would wake him and he is scared, the back room, as the is houses and trees, breaks the wind and therefore is quieter. So he is happier in there. This means Ned will have his room.
    DS talks to Ned everyday and strokes my bump, its just lovely to see and be apart of.
    DS is still doing amazing at school, no red card now since September which is amazing. Super proud! Hope it continues.

    As for Neds real name when he is born, i think we have decided, although im still not 100%. Im holding out hope that DS and OH start liking the other name on our list, which they do... just not as much as the one at the top.

    X

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    20 Weeks and 4 Days Pregnant

    So we had our 20 week scan yesterday. Ned was his usual self of acting up and not cooperating. 😂.
    Again in his comfy position of head down to the bottom left of my uterus.
    The sonographer managed to check everything, apart from his heart. She said from what she could see, she had no concerns, it was just that due to his position, she couldnt get the clearest picture of it.
    So i have to go back on the 11th for another scan.

    Ned is definitely a boy, he wasnt shy on showing her that!

    So i have a consultant app on friday, where i would like to bring up the lack of care ive had from the midwives.

    I have a scan on the 4th at the fetal medicine to check my cervix, then a scan on the 11th too!

    Movements arent great this morning. He must be having a lazy morning.

    I have a day off today, so ive just finished watching Grest British bake off, going to cook a full english and watch Christmas Chronicles 2 on Netflix!

    X

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    21 Weeks and 1 Day Pregnant

    Ned has been so quiet today. I have felt him a little bit very few and far between. It makes me worry. The rational side of me knows that he has plenty of space to move and he has probably changed position,  but even so, come on Ned, have a dance or something!

    I had my 1st app with consultanton friday, she said i didnt need to see my midwives of i didnt want too and i cod go there for all apps so in happy. I really dont want to see my midwives as i just dont trust them.
    She also told me that my 1st DS was an SGA baby (basically he was small for his gestational age) and he was only 8th centile. Nobody told me this before. I thought his weight was normal for 33-34 weeks (4.6lbs/1.9kg) but nope, apparently not. So as this is a IVF pregnancy with a previous SGA baby, she said they wont allow me to go over 40 weeks and will induce me between 39 - 40 weeks. If i get that far this time.

    A friend of mine is slightly annoying me, but her intentions are good. She knows my fear is having another prem baby, and keeps telling me she thinks this one will be early too. Yesterday she dropped off some baby bits and one of them was a babgrow in the theme i told her i loved, for a baby of 'up to 5lbs' and she said, i didnt buy this for you, but as i think you will be having him early, i thought you could make use of it. Imean, isnt that slightly insensitive? She did backtrack a little when i explained how it was a fear of mine to have him early by saying she reckons 36 weeks i will have him.
    Ive kept it but i dont know where these have come from so i may take them to a charity shop or something. Had i of known she had bought them, i would keep thembut she insinuated, she hadnt bought them.

    Whilst writing out the post, Ned had kicked about 4-5 times 😁😁😁

    Another scan Wednesday to check my cervix length.

    X

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    23 Weeks Pregnant

    Sorry, ive neglected my diary lately.

    Cervix scan went fine. I have 1 more at the start of Jan and if all is ok  then they will discharge me.

    I had the 2nd part of my 20 week scan yesterday as at the original scan, they werent able to check his heart, but all checked and all is fine. We even managed to finally get a decent pic of him! It only took 13 scans!

    At my latest cervix scan, they again told me that my placenta was low laying and covering my cervix despite the lady at the 20 week scan telling me it was in the upper position. I asked again yesterday and she said that it was 37mm away from my cervix but will send a note to the fetal wellbeing for them to also check again as they do internal scans so will see better. She said that if there is still confusion, they will of course monitor it and if still in doubt, they will just treat me as if i do have a low laying placenta.
    I really dont want a C-sec, however, with different people telling me different things, im now worried to have a natural birth!

    Ned has been having busy days and quiet days, i was so busy yesterday, doing last minute Xmas shopping that i didnt have a chance to sit down and fell him til 6pm! Kicks are getting stronger now and you can see them, only just, on the outside of my belly.

    Still cant commit to a name. OH said i can have the one i like on the list, he likes it too but preferred the other name on the list.. however, i had another name that i loved and he hated, wouldnt let me have it as he believed it was too old fashioned. But he mentioned then name a few times yesterday, then Leanne Battersby mentioned the name on Corrie last night and he realised that its a name that is very much around. I love it. So he said he was going to ask what his mum thought (I have no idea why) but my guess is, he still wont let me have it....

    Once Xmas is out the way, we will start on the nursery and pay for the travel system and get that back here.

    X

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    23 Weeks and 1 Day Pregnant

    We finally have committed to a name. OH wasnt overly enthusiastic about committing and i kept getting the 'Do what you want' answer despite him really liking the name 4 weeks ago. So i had a chat with him tonight and he said if that was the name i wanted, it was fine with him. I said i wanted him to like it too and he said he did, just not as much as the other on our list.

    So, ive now bought Neds personalised wall art so there is no going back now.
    I feel better now committed.

    DS finally felt Ned kick last night. He absolutely loved it. Went in to feel again and Ned was happy to oblige. DS got really excited. It really was a wonderful moment.

    DS is really taken to us all having another baby. He is always talking to my bump, hugging and stroking it.

    DS had to have a covid test yesterday as he had a cough. I know it is the result of a cold but as he had school tomorrow, i knew i had to get him tested. Only, half an hour after he came back, i got a text from the school telling us there has been a positive case in his bubble and therefore he now has isolate for 10 days. Had i of known this, i wouldnt have bothered with getting him tested. That said, me and OBH have to isolate until his test comes back (presuming its negative) so OH has had to call in to work tonight and not go in.
    On top of that, OH is also poorly. Sore throat and generally feeling meh, so he had a covid test this morning. That said, im contradicting myself here as as soon as DS results are back, he will be going back to work as he isnt showing any of the 3 covid symptoms. I just panicked yesterday after hearing DS school news and booked him a test.

    Its actually good for OH just to chill out.

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    24 Weeks and 2 Days Pregnant

    Baby Ned is now viable! I will admit that to DS being born early, as each week passes in this pregnancy, I get a little more nervous about having another prem baby. DS was born at 33 weeks, my worry is Ned will come earlier that that.

    DS has been off school since the 11th. They had 25 cases of covid within 2 days at his school, and 12 of them were staff! So he finished his 10th Day of isolation yesterday. He has done so well, not moaned once about been stuck in the house.

    DS feels the baby kicking every day now and he loves it. Im so lucky. I never thought id be a mummy full stop so to think that I could be a mummy of 2.. Im blessed. Being able to see DS's excitement for Neds arrival and his kicks etc, really makes it worth it.
    Ive told DS that Ned is his just as much as Ned is ours and he cant wait to hug and kiss him. DS loves babies anyway so he will be in his element for a while. I hope the novelty doesn't wear off too quickly.

    So I only have today and tomorrow at work then I am off until the 27th. Obviously with Bojo's announcement on Saturday, our plans have changed slightly but I do feel sorry for the people in tier 4 that cant see any of their loved ones this Christimas.

    Ned is due in April - and as my due date gets closer, im starting to feel even more uncertain of the situation when he comes. A friend of mine is due md Feb, and for her, I don't think much will change from now, but there is still hope for me that things will be more relaxed.

    I just think, as long as our family can met the baby when he is born, then Im happy. Im not bothered about friends to be honest, they can wait. Particurly the ones that I know have not been socially distancing, wearing masks and not following the rules. One of which is my very best friend, who lives in London. So unless things change, I wont be allowing her to visit at all.

    But there is still 3 months yet, lets hope for the best!

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Diary

    25 Weeks and 1 Day Pregnant

    Christmas was nice. A bit busy as my Dad and his partner we visiting but it was nice. DS had 'the best time of his life' (his words) so it was nice. Im eager to get life back to normal again as i always am after christmas.

    Had to pop to maternity today as baby has been pretty quiet over Xmas and by this morning, i hadnt felt him move since 4pm yesterday. I was in and out in 25 mins, they checked Neds heartbeat and said all was fine. He still isnt as active as he normally is so i will keep an eye on it.

    I was scans a in early Jan, within 2 days of each other, my Anti D injection and my GTT test.
    A busy month for this mumma

    X

    Offline Bubbles12

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    Dear Dairy

    26 Weeks Pregnant

    I cant believe i am 26 weeks pregnant. Since we hit 12 weeks, i will say this pregnancy has sped up somewhat. It went so slow in the 1st trimester (As it does for all us mums to be in the 1st few risky months). I tried so hard to enjoy my pregnancy with my DS but the constant worry that i would lose him, meant that i couldnt, so when i went on to have him, it was 1 of my main regrets that i didnt enjoy as much as i should have. But this time around, i can say that i am really enjoying it. Obviously there will always be worries there. But unlike last time, i know i can carry and have a baby successfully.
    On the flip though, i did have DS prematurely so there is a worry there that Ned will come early, or even earlier that DS did. However, its not comsuming me, and i have been having regular scans etc.

    The other thing i am enjoying is food..... To much of it. I have compensated for not being able to drink over Christmas by eating, alot. You can see i have put weight on, more so in the face and around my sides. I guess i will have to worry about that later.

    Ned has been pretty active for the past 4 days or so, so im guessing a quiet day will be amongst me soon. DS still gets very excited when he feels Ned kicking. He cuddles him every morning and evening and talks to him to, its pretty cute.

    Working is getting difficult, as with my pregnancy with DS, i am experiencing discomfort all down my left side, from the lower chest area to my hips. Its making work hard as i keep needs to move from my desk to the sofa and working my job with one screen is difficult. Its been harder as i have had DS home so ive had to work a the dining table and not at my office desk and chair upstairs so that i can keep an eye on him.

    As much as i want/need to keep my boy safe, i am dreading the announcement of primary schools closing for another 2 weeks. DS already finished school as a week earlier due to positive covid in his school so that would be 5 weeks in total - with me working full time. I just cant do it.
    Not only that, but DS behaviours really changes being stuck at home. We all need routine and structure or all our mental health suffers so for that, i am keen for him to go back. But i think its inevitable they will close, if they do, i am going to have to pull a sicky from work, i just cant do both at the moment, its too much

    With that, im trying to make an conscious effort to not go out now. I will massively struggle with this as i need to get out the house, even for 20 mins, A purpose to get dressed everyday. But my sister gave me a little talking to so i guess i need to try, even if its just whilst covid is in Peak again. Im so sick of it i am, but feel like i cant moan too much as i knew what i was getting myself in for by getting pregnant, but pregnant or not, im sick of it.

    DH is putting Neds cot up. Its DS's old one thats been in the loft so we need to put it up to see if its ok or if we need to but a new one. DH has a week off in 2 weeks or so to get the room painted and ready, cant wait!

    So this week i have scan on Wednesday and a scan on friday. I think this has been the longest i have gone without seeing him since i got pregnant, havent seen him since the 11th Dec.

    x