* Author Topic: Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...  (Read 11617 times)

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Offline Sassy-lassy

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Ladies,

After a long IF journey, last summer I was finally blessed with a beautiful baby daughter a fortnight before my 49th birthday.

However, people keep mistaking me for my LO's grandmother, which, whilst I know I should brush it off, is really upsetting me.  I never expected this to be an issue because in my mind I'm not old, but clearly the world has other ideas :-(. 

How do other people cope with this?

Also, whilst doing my best to get out and about to meet other mothers and babies, I'm finding they're a huge chunk younger than me, and whilst everyone's friendly enough, we don't have a much in common.  Consequently, I'm starting to feel really isolated.  Matters aren't helped by the fact DH and I aren't getting on well and that I see a lot less of my old friends (either because they're childless through choice or simply at a different life stage).

I'm thirsty to meet other mothers of a similar vintage, but to most people it seems, an 'older mum' is anyone over 35!  I have yet to meet anyone in my position - i.e. their late 40s with baby #1.  I live in London, so they must be out there, but I'm naturally quite shy, so I don't really broadcast myself or my age.  Does anyone know of any online groups or resources they could put me in touch with?

Thanks in advance... xx





 
 

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    Offline betty21

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #1 on: 29/05/17, 12:35 »
    I know exactly where you are coming from sassy - though as of yet I haven't been confused with being granny but i do know what you mean regarding being isolated- I have a 3 and 1 year old and the other week just got another BFP - I do not go to toddler groups as I don't seem to have anything in common with 20 yr olds so I stay at home, my 3 yr old is at nursery and I stand at the gates by myself whilst all the other mums are stood chatting about whatever and I do feel lonely but I guess I'm in a completely different league to them and to be honest I wouldn't be interested in there stuff anyway.
    Sorry to hear you and DH are having issues and I hope you can resolve it soon - please feel free to pm if you want xx

    Offline Karhog

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #2 on: 29/05/17, 13:18 »
    I too totally understand.  Im 46 with a 3 yr and a 2 yr old. Although no one has said to my face as such I kind of see all the raised eyebrows when people I meet know I am a mum  to such young children at ' my age'.
    I totally get you when you say you don't have the same in common with mums over 20 years younger....but you do have some common ground....a child of a similar age, Even just discussing the sleepless nights to the tantrums and various milestones whilst your ltitle one plays.
    Saying that I know it's not easy...and I have to force myself to go to a playgroup and in the beginning would break out in a nervous sweat over it. I still don't enjoy it apart from seeing my boys racing around and playing with the other children.
    Like you have said my friends are also at a different lifestage, mostly with grown up children or teenagers and I don't really get to see them much these days since it can be a lonely business.  Luckily I do have an amazing family network who are on hand which is great
    I don't know why people feel they have any rights to comment or judge and I do not wish to discuss my life story with random folk. I do feel sad and angry at times that we couldn't have had our beautiful children at the beginning of our journey and that it's taken 20 + years to get here but am so blessed that we have them now I will not lallow other people's ignorance to ruin that.
    Feel free to pm me anytime too x

    Offline Turia

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #3 on: 29/05/17, 13:28 »
    I don't often get time to reply to posts these days between work and baby, but Sassy I'm so with you on this one!

    When I was pregnant at age 47 (nearly 2 years ago now), I was big but blooming.  Everyone asked if I was going to have another after this one!  Baby was born 3 days before my 48th birthday.  Then as I started to go out with baby I was always being mistaken for his granny...in shops and even at the doctors!  To make it worse I was really ill and in pain post birth so had to use a crutch and most of my hair fell out...I just looked and felt so old so can't blame anyone for those comments then but it still grates when I hear them now as I am crutch-free and hair all grown and hairdresser blonde again  ;D

    In terms of coping, I had to keep reminding myself that the person who made the comment will feel worse as I always (nicely :)) put them straight...

    I also struggled to meet other new mums my age - in fact only meeting 3 in their very early 40s which was the nearest I could get to my age.  I only ever went to Bookbug as there was less pressure to interact with others, other than pleasantries.  It was hard when off on mat leave but now back at work full time, I struggle to find time to meet up.  I'm in Scotland so not much use to you and I don't know of any other online resources but happy to keep in touch through FF.  Perhaps a 'mummies not grannies!' thread... ;D

    Turia x

     

    Offline StrawberrySundae

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #4 on: 29/05/17, 14:10 »
    I think you are all wonderful trailblazers and I hope to one day be in your situation, although I can understand it must grate at times. Someone asked me in the swimming pool this year if I had any kids and I said "not yet", to which she burst out laughing as though it was a joke!  :-[ I hope you all get to meet other older mums and have a wonderful time with your LO's xx

    Offline staceysm

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #5 on: 29/05/17, 14:42 »
    Hi,

    I posted about this recently and is has bothered me, as I am only 43 years of age! I said to my husband that I must look like crap and a lot older then I am🙁.  It has happened about half a dozen times now.  I am trying to lose weight and get my hair coloured, as it has knocked my confidence a bit.

    X

    Offline Clara Rose

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #6 on: 29/05/17, 14:49 »
    Hi Ladies

    I haven't been mistaken for the granny yet...well that's not really true I have but that was a physio who knew my date of birth. People usually assume the girls are mine, although I have been asked if they are mine, so obviously some people are not sure. I'm not that surprised that people mistake us for grannies...I'm in Scotland too and although women over 45 having babies is more common now than ever, we are still quite unusual. In Scotland the average age for becoming a granny is apparently 49, so many women our age are grannies. It's water off a duck's back to me.


    I can't say I feel particularly isolated since having the girls. I go to toddler groups and I make an attempt to chat to the other Mums. We do have our pre-school children in common, and I love talking about them. When I tell the other  Mums I'm 52, most of them are amazed. I reckon the girls keep me young. :) I don't see the point in thinking oh I'm so old, I've got nothing in common with these young ones. The way I see it is if you think you are old, then you'll be old. Becoming a Mum at 50 still seems like a miracle to me...I remember what my life was like before having the girls...I would go to work, then come home and sit in a room on my own watching rubbish on TV. Same old, same old, every day. Nothing to live for. Even when I'm pushing them along the street in the pram I can't stop smiling. If people think I'm their granny, I don't care. I'm a MUM, something I never, ever thought I would be!

    Offline WatermelonBelly

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #7 on: 29/05/17, 17:47 »
    I'm in my 30's and have mistakenly thought that some parents were grandparents... Please don't take it personally. There is nothing judgy about it - just an honest mistake... Probably down to personal experience - my mum became a grandmother at 46 and my aunt at 38 (!). And tbh- if you see a woman in mid or late 40's with a baby, it's statistically much more likely that she's the grandmother rather than a mother. However, I would find it  very rude if you corrected someone and they inquired if the child was yours etc.

    Offline ivyf

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #8 on: 29/05/17, 21:56 »
    Hi Sassy I know just where you're coming from with the baby groups but I've made myself go and have got to know some nice mums even though they're much younger. To be honest I think loads of mums feel anxious about these groups for different reasons than being older. I dont know of any resources online apart from this site but you're right there must be tons of others in London. I'm in Kent so not that close but would love to chat on here.  congratulations by the way  :)

    Offline Solar

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #9 on: 29/05/17, 21:58 »
    Hi sassy I live in London and an older first time mum, 43 with a 5 month old. I've not had the granny situation but know what you mean about meeting mums similar age. That said I do attend different groups and nobody ever asked ages but assume most of the mums I chat to are in there 30s.

    look at the MUSH app, it's good way of meeting other local mums with similar interests and age.