* Author Topic: Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...  (Read 11579 times)

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Offline nevertoolate

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Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
« Reply #50 on: 7/06/17, 22:11 »
Forgot to say lots of love and respect to Tina malone who had been given a very tough time being an older mum. Good luck to her ...

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    Offline Moragob

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #51 on: 8/06/17, 14:31 »
    Hi - great idea for another thread.  I'd be keen to join and would find it helpful.  I have made lots of  new friends with children but there's a  9/10 year gap between me and the next oldest which is fine 99% of the time but it is nice to chat with people who really understand and especially adding the whole fertility journey in as well.

    Let's celebrate being older and being able to give our children things we wouldn't have been able to 20 years ago - and I'm not talking about material things because I for one have less disposable income than when I was in my 20's and 30's  ::) but I know I'm a much better mother than I would have been then.

    xx

    Offline nevertoolate

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #52 on: 8/06/17, 15:44 »
    I think just dealing with age without doubt some of the worst comment for me have been from other women. I am pleased if someone managed to tick certain boxes when they wanted to but that does not give them the right to judge. I don't want to feel embarrassed at my age. I want to feel proud that despite the odds with what life has thrown at me I got my baby in the end. I would love to be younger but I just have to be grateful for what I have and try to move on from worrying what other people think of me. I have changed so much since having my son. I only have positive people around me now. I do not tolerate negative people at all as I don't want that round my baby. I would not have had the confidence to take that stand when younger.

    Offline ivyf

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #53 on: 8/06/17, 19:21 »
    I agree I think I'm a better mum at this age, we don't stress about things the way I think we would have ten years ago. I think our lo is more free range than we would have let her be and she's certainly not short of attention 😁 And it's not just us, all the relatives are so charmed at having a little one after all her cousins that she gets fought over!

    Offline deblovescats

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #54 on: 9/06/17, 22:18 »
    I agree dreaming and ivy. I've also decided I'm going to stop feeling stressed and embarrassed about it. I am who I am and I'm being the best mum I can, I put my children first which is more than some parents do. I'm just going to enjoy them. Just another example of stupidity - and the worst thing is that it was a health professional. When I was pregnant with Lydia last year, my consultant prescribed me clexane injections from week 20 as a precaution due to it being an IVF pregnancy. I was fine. However, what did upset me, was the reaction of the pharmacist. I took my prescription to a local pharmacy and said I had a maternityl exemption card but didn't have it with me, but I could bring it in later. The assistant looked very embarrassed and had been sent over to query it by the pharmacist. She apologised and said that she had been told to say that as my son was now 2, the maternity exemption certificate had expired. I explained that I had a current one and was forced to explain to a room full of people that I was actually pregnant again. The pharmacist had obviously seen my date of birth and assumed that I could not possibly be pregnant. So I had to say when I was due. I was made to feel really embarrassed about it and as if I was trying to defraud the NHS. I almost said give me a pregnancy test and I'll take it. I was going to complain officially about this experience but I was too upset to take any action. When I went in to pick up my prescription I took my new card and the girl at the counter was very apologetic and said she would put a note on the computer. I felt very angry that the pharmacist had made these allegations. After all, if I had been claiming fraudulently the NHS prescription agency would have dealt with it. At the very least, she could have asked to speak to me in a private room. Anyway, feel better getting that off my chest.
    I'm setting up a new thread for support and sharing experiences of motherhood in our 40s and 50s. Hope you'll all join me. ....

    Offline nevertoolate

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #55 on: 9/06/17, 23:17 »
    i am so sorry you went through that. i am always amazed how unprofessional some people are!!. it makes you wonder if they have any compassion at all!!

    Offline Sassy-lassy

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #56 on: 12/06/17, 00:50 »
    Many thanks to all of you who have taken the time to reply and share your experiences.  It's reassuring to know that I'm not alone in finding this upsetting and it does flag the fact that whilst other mums are friendly, being that much older can sometimes feel as if one's walking a more solitary path. 

    I'd love to meet mothers of a similar vintage - if there are any in my locality they're keeping a low profile - so if any of you are in London and fancy a coffee, please give me a shout!  Alternatively if any of you know of any organisations other than the DCN (we can't tell for religious and cultural reasons, so this is a no-go option for us) which might be helpful, please let me know.

    I experienced another cracker this afternoon, where OH got talking to a group of Italian women who were admiring the baby.  One of them took it on herself to tell me that it was better for people to be honest about what they thought (i.e. grandmother as opposed to mother) after my correcting her and saying (fairly gently) that I found this assumption upsetting.  She proceeded to tell me that she'd made this mistake "lots of times", that no one ever minded and that as a grandmother herself, she had often been mistaken for her granddaughter's mother... it didn't bother her so it shouldn't bother me!  The fact that this mistake actually flattered her seemed to pass her by...

    I got up and said that almost certainly she would have upset some of these other ladies, but probably they were just too polite to tell her.  Clearly as well as developing a tougher skin, I need to think through a more robust/humorous put down for people this rude!  Up until that point I'd been feeling quite good about myself!

    Offline Hannah01

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #57 on: 12/06/17, 06:56 »
    I can understand the isolation feeling, when you have no common grounds to sit with them. One things that helped me bit is the weight loss, coupled with makeover to gain confidence. Let the people say we cannot shut every mouth but as a mom I have to raise my child better thatís all that matters.

    Offline deblovescats

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #58 on: 12/06/17, 11:37 »
    sassy - I find that woman absolutely incredible! She misses the point - it's flattering to be taken for a grandchild's mother, not the other way around. I'm going to give myself a makeover to make me feel better about myself, once Lydia lets me leave her for longer! I think it's about time society gets onboard and stops make discriminatory comments, which other groups once had to put up with, but now thankfully people are more accepting of other types of relationship. I just don't see why it matters to other people if we're happy. I wish I lived closer and would happily meet up with you - but I'm up in Yorkshire. Maybe we ought to have a meet up some time all of us at a point that we can all access, and give each other some support?
    By the way, you're all amazingly strong women and wonderful mummies! Don't ever doubt it

    Offline Sassy-lassy

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #59 on: 12/06/17, 12:19 »
    I am still carrying a lot of excess weight from all the steroids I took during years of treatment. 

    TBH, I could/should now loose my excess poundage and have been trying, but I'm just so knackered from looking after my lovely baby that I snack to reward myself whenever I'm tired.  Anyone fancy a bit if mutual support in my quest to loose weight?

    And yes, Debs, that bloody woman completely missed the point.  People can be so thoughtless.