* Author Topic: Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...  (Read 11576 times)

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Offline Moragob

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Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
« Reply #60 on: 12/06/17, 14:06 »
The weight loss is definitely harder when you are older and then chuck in fertility treatment and it's doubly harder.  I'm struggling to shed the lbs and have just started running in the last 6 weeks.  But of course I can only run on a Sat and/or Sunday when my OH is home to look after the girls and I've only just started as my youngest is now 16 months and is happy to be left so nothing is ever straightforward.  I think I'd feel better about being older if I was slimmer and fitter but then I also tell myself that I am who I am as a result of what we've been through.  But Millicent telling people that Mummy has a squishy tummy because she had babies in her tummy is both sweet and terribly embarrassing.

I'm in Hampshire so not close to either of you for a meet up but I did meet up with a fellow FF'er in Winchester just after Millicent was born (in 2013) and we are planning to meet up soon as her first baby is due in the next few weeks.  We've not met up since but have had a lovely FF relationship since.  So I would be keen to meet up with others if possible

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    Offline Miller20

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #61 on: 12/09/17, 00:20 »
    Hi there, I haven't looked through every message on this thread but do know if you've done DE and are part of the Donor Conception Network UK that they have an older mums' group and I bet that's got women in with the same experiences.

    I already feel ancient and have had people mistake me for 50 when I'm a few years younger and haven't even been lucky enough to be blessed with kids yet so dreading the inevitable granny comments...

     ^eyes^

    Offline Opossum

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #62 on: 13/09/17, 09:46 »
    to be honest I had my DS just as I turned 20 after 3 years of trying... I HATED baby groups and never had anything in common with the other mothers except the fact that we spawned roughly the same time - its not an age thing, you just cant expect to get along with other people based on just one random thing in common

    I also would probably make that assumption, everyone I know who has grandchildren became a grandma between 40-55, its very much the grandma age range and it doesnt mean you look bad (and that assumption is quite offensive to grandmas really, my mother was 40 when she became a grandma and certainly doesnt look 'old') it just means you are the age you are

    Offline deblovescats

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #63 on: 14/09/17, 00:48 »
    I agree with you opossum - we don't always gel with someone just because we've all got children, regardless of age. I have thankfully found a couple of groups where I'm comfortable and there are some older mums as well as younger ones, also a few grandmas of varying ages. And as I've been going a while, they know I'm mum and I don't get questioned now!
    I can see that anyone's view of grandma's ages depends on your own circumstances, but I don't think most grandmas range from 40-55, though obviously if they had children young and their children do, they will be. I know of grandmas in their 50s, 60s, 70s and even 80s.
    I am just bemused that members of the public think that they have a right to comment and question whether you're mum or grandma, just what is it to them? Before I had children, and now, I never had any compulsion to say to question whether women with children were mum or grandma, I would just admire the child and talk to them. I never thought that it was my concern. I think people should think before opening their mouth. I am maybe a bit sensitive but find it hurtful. I am really trying to grow a thicker skin and don't want to let ignorant people spoil my enjoyment of motherhood.
    I had a few days of varying experiences - had my usual music group Friday morning, loved it, everyone knows me and my family situation and very comfortable. Then in the afternoon, took DS, DD and my own mum to a play area where there is a café which gives work experience to people with learning disabilities and they also have a little farm for children to look at the animals. We went for a piece of cake and a tea. It was practically empty except for two older couples. Both admired DD and her attempts at walking holding hands. One woman just said how lovely she is and what beautiful blue eyes ... felt good. The other one said she was lovely and then said 'are you grandma?' I did want to say 'no I'm mum, it's just sleep deprivation' but thought why should I so I just pretended I didn't hear it. I mean the likelihood is that I'm mum and my mum is grandma, seeing we have 3 generations of a family here, and not 3 of 4 generations. It nearly reduced me to tears but managed to contain it and gave myself a strict talking to. I will not let anyone spoil it, I've waited so long - not through any fault of mine, just never met a guy who was on the same page as me! Then yesterday went to a different group with DD and a group of young mums were there, and not one of them questioned whether I was mum or grandma - could have kissed them!
    Sorry for the rant ladies - just needed to get it off my chest.

    Offline nevertoolate

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #64 on: 14/09/17, 23:11 »
    hi
    i know exactly what you mean about peoples comments. I have noticed that not just on this subject but various things, there seems to be a lack of what i would call just basic good manners. if someone thinks something, why do they think the have the automatic right to say something that will probably hurt that persons feelings. its as if their right to ask the questions just outweighs that persons feelings. i do the same now and sometimes just ignore the question, if the person is ok being rude to me then why should be i be polite and try to explain myself. society can just deal with it as far as i am concerned. i also found myself having a child much later than i wanted but i feel blessed that i have my little boy as i could very easily be still trying and i feel very lucky and pray the other lovely ladies on here get their dream no matter what age. the longing for a child has no age limit...

    Offline deblovescats

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #65 on: 14/09/17, 23:19 »
    Thanks dreaming - I totally agree with you.
    Why is it that people think they have a right to comment. They have a right to think what they want in their head, but please just keep it there. In an ideal world, I would have had my family earlier, but it didn't happen, so people just have to get over it. My children - and the children of all older mums - are cherished, probably more so than a lot of children, who are just conceived without being planned. After going through all we go through, they really are wanted and loved. Surely that matters more than how old their mum is.
    Dreaming  - your son is so lucky to have you.
    I shower my little ones with so much love and I do so much with them, I don't want them to miss out because I am an older mum. I have decided that I am either going to ignore ignorant people or say proudly I'm their mum. We don't have to answer to anyone or justify our choices. Anyone who matters to me, is supportive of me and my little family. I know how lucky I am to have them and I hope all other ladies on here can get the same.

    Offline nevertoolate

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #66 on: 14/09/17, 23:40 »
    i know there are specific challenges for each age range on here ttc and it is good that there are different categories to help bring people together with the same issues but i feel that all the women on here trying to get pregnant and going through fertility treatments are real heroes and the friendships made on this forum have given us a glimpse of the flip side of this conversation that we as women do support and care for each other. you are a hero and don't forget it..x

    Offline deblovescats

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #67 on: 15/09/17, 23:24 »
    You are so right dreaming!
    I think it's about time people who have issues with older mums start to concentrate on the fact that what's most important for a child is to be cared for and protected, rather than the age of their mum!
    I am usually upbeat, but if I have a bad moment, I think of positive little moments like this evening. When I put my son to bed tonight, I hugged him and said 'I love you so much.' He smiled and hugged me and said 'I love you too mummy!' That's the first time he's said it. He's always given me hugs and kisses and if I've said 'do you love me/baby?' he says 'yes'. His speech is now progressing well so he's moving on with that. It melted my heart and brought tears to my eyes.

    Offline nevertoolate

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #68 on: 16/09/17, 22:18 »
    lovely, that makes everything worthwhile... i cant wait to hear the word mum x

    Offline deblovescats

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    Being an older mum & being mistaken for granny...
    « Reply #69 on: 16/09/17, 23:56 »
    dreaming - you'll laugh - until recently, his word for mum was 'madden'! don't know where that came from.
    It makes it all worthwhile.