* Author Topic: News I didnít want  (Read 2657 times)

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Offline neilus

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News I didnít want
« on: 31/08/17, 07:43 »
Hi all, well Sunday I received the news I didnít want, I have got Sertoli Cell Only Syndrome, thatís it my chances of fathering a child that I have dreamt of since I was young gone, the chance to bring a new me in to the world taken away, I am completely devastated, feel like a total failure and to top it all off feel I have let my wife down. We now only have one option, a sperm donor, some other mans biological child, how do I feel about that, I have no idea, I donít know who to talk to, I just feel so numb and alone. Has anyone else been dealt this news and how did you cope, who did you turn too, how did you come to terms with it, where did you go for information on how to deal with the emotional side of this. Sorry for the long post just donít know where else to go, I literally have nobody apart from my wife to talk too, and definitely nobody that understands how Iím feeling.

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    Offline melloumaw

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    News I didnít want
    « Reply #1 on: 31/08/17, 08:39 »
    Didn't want to read and run, my DH has raised my 3 since they were young, they still occasionally see their bio, but it is DH they call daddy, him they come to with questions or wanting a hug. They love him so much people automatically assume he is their bio dad. If you get past the biology, there is a whole new world out there. Being a parent is sooo much more than biology, nature has a massive role to play, characteristics can be learned from you, the environment a child grows up in determines the end result, don't get me wrong there is nothing more i want than my DH child but it is looking less and less likely. i hope you find peace and are able to move forwards whatever your decision. You could ask your Dr or fertility clinic for referring for counselling, it always helps to talk. Don't for 1 minute bottle it up, your wife needs to know it affects you, talk together it's the only way to make the right choice.
    Wishing all the luck in the world
    Mel x

    Offline aissha

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    News I didnít want
    « Reply #2 on: 31/08/17, 08:55 »
    Although I can't comment on your specific issue, I would like to reassure you that you are not to blame, you have not let your wife down. I know it is easy to put that burden on your own shoulders, I have been guilty of that myself in the past as our issues are all down to me, nothing to do with my DH. So it is a pressure that often falls on one partner, but really it is never something you should feel guilty about.

    Is it not possible to have surgical sperm retrieval? As I said, I don't know about your condition, but I have heard other people with MF issues saying this is a possibility. Apologies if I am talking rubbish ^idiot^

    As Mel says, try with your clinic to see if there is someone you can talk to, even if they can not offer any solutions, I found just talking through all my feelings, with someone who is not directly affected, really helped. You can unburden yourself in a way that you can not with the one you love...

    Perhaps go onto the donor pages here to get some understanding of how others cope with using donors?

     ^hugme^ be kind to yourself ^hugme^

    Offline Babba

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    News I didnít want
    « Reply #3 on: 7/09/17, 18:02 »
    Hi Neilus,  I am so sorry you have found yourself in this situation. It is a devastating shock, and you and your wife will need time to let the diagnosis sink in. I obviously don't know you or your wife, but as the wife of a man with the same diagnosis, I can tell you with my hand on my heart that she doesn't blame you. This is a medical condition, something that you have not something that you have caused. I don't think I'll ever forget the day my husband told me the news, what sticks in my mind is the absolute desperation on his face.
    What matters now is how you cope with this situation. My husband and I attended counselling, which I felt helped us a great deal. Cry together, talk to each other and take plenty of time and rest. I will be thinking of you both. X

    Offline Opossum

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    News I didnít want
    « Reply #4 on: 7/09/17, 18:50 »
    I know its not perfect but is there any male family members who could donate? you would share the same DNA and raise them as your own, they might look and act exactly like you (my DS is the double of my brother)

    also I heard recently they are researching into conceptions using bone marrow instead of sperm, It still new and probably a while until it starts making regular trials but if you have time you could wait and see if anything becomes of it