Hi Ladies,
I won’t go over all the history leading up to my present situation but in brief, I’m 43, single, no children despite IVF and now I’m infertile. I started the menopause at 40 although i’ve only officially found out in the past 6 months. I’ve had a very, very difficult 18 months - 2 years which would have challenged anybody, without the added symptoms of an early menopause. For someone who has been used to dealing with all that life has had to throw at them, and someone who considers themselves pretty resilient, even I’m surprised that I’ve managed to cope with everything lately, particularly during this difficult process. In addition Ive not been able to use HRT so I’ve had to cope with it without it albeit recently I’ve been prescribed antidepressants which have been a great help.
But despite everything that’s happened I feel the hardest part and the most saddening is the effect and break down of my friendship with my best friend. We have been like sisters since we were 16. I know that everything I have been through recently has had an effect on me but I genuinely feel I have handled it as well as can be expected and better than most. Having no partner through all of this has probably resulted in me depending or relying on her support more than normal and I guess there have been instances where I may have been more sensitive or emotional or even over reacted more than I normally would have. But as we all know, menopause effects us emotionally, physically and mentally and it’s been such a testing and challenging time having to deal with so much aswell as cope with early menopause that it’s bound to take its toll. None of my peers are going through this at such an early age so they don’t understand but I have tried to reach out to her and never thought I’d ever doubt that I’d be able to rely on her support but she has made me feel like such a pressure friend and a burden. It’s even more upsetting as I have been there for her so much over the years and have helped her through some difficult times. I’ve gone above and beyond for her for many years and would never have made her feel this way, no matter how bad things got. So I challenged her and told her how i felt and she responded that I wasn’t a burden but she did feel she was walking on eggshells around me. But I genuinely don’t feel I have. Sure, I haven’t been myself, and I may have even shown some frustration at the lack of her support which I guess is out of character, but it just seems that anything I raise is put down to my ‘hormones’. I’ve had so many other friends around me that have supported me and reminded me that I’m a great friend to them and that they are here for me. Friends I never expected.
But I’ve never had anyone make me feel I’m difficult to be around or that I’m hard work. I don’t know if it’s because I’m usually so laid back or I’m the one that my friends usually turn too for support and she’s not used to this side of me where I’m a little more outspoken or acting a bit needy of support but isn’t that what friends are there for? She knows that hat I don’t have any parents or much in the way of family so I’m just so shocked by what’s happened.
Apologies for waffling on. This process is so difficult it makes you question yourself and your behaviour and makes you feel like you’re going a bit crazy. Thanks for listening. I suppose I wondered if any of you have experienced anything similar?
Andrea xxx
