* Author Topic: How do you know when it's time to move on?  (Read 2031 times)

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Offline Bettyville

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How do you know when it's time to move on?
« on: 12/12/17, 11:45 »
Hi ladies,
I wondered if any of you could help - my DH & I have been TTC for 6 years, x3 failed IUIs, x2 failed IVF's - primarily unexplained, i'm 36, DH is 35 & we've never had a positive. 

We are now at a cross-road, do we move onto adoption, we've looked into it alot and have been to a couple of talks on it or do we have one final round of IVF? We recently went to a new clinic for a consultation / 2nd opinion because we're so confused as to what to do. We've had all the NK cell blood tests, Sperm DNA fragmentation which showed a slightly elevated reading. I am tempted to do one more round of IVF (new clinic has suggested embryo banking + PGS - x2 cycles of IVF) however, given our history, i'm convinced it just isn't going to work and we're better off just moving on.

So, has anyone been at this point? How do you decide what to do?

Betty xx

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    Offline aissha

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    How do you know when it's time to move on?
    « Reply #1 on: 12/12/17, 15:49 »
    Hi Bettyville,

    It really sounds like you have been through it all ^eyes^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ All I can say is that I was on the cusp of my last roll of the dice (for me going to London to Lister) when I got my first ever bfp.... I really thought there was no chance and I was only really going to Lister so that I would have no regrets.

    It is so difficult to know when to stop. Biology is so unknown that what might seem like doing the same thing over and over can actually be reacted differently in your body and suddenly you get a different result.

    I had 5 years without a sniff of a bfp ever and then 2 bfps and I thank my lucky stars they became 2 DS's.

    I don't want to make it seem like I know what you should do, only you and your partner know what is best. But I would suggest think long and hard about what you might think in 5 years time. If you adopt, would you regret not giving it another go? Adoption is a long hard process too, so it is not the easy option.

    When it was me, I just wanted to throw everything at it and hope something would stick.... still not sure what changed, but I guess I just got lucky.

    Hope your "lucky" is just around the corner, whichever route you decide to take ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^

    Offline CopperBird

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    How do you know when it's time to move on?
    « Reply #2 on: 12/12/17, 19:01 »
    Hi Bettyville,

    I don't have any real advice I'm afraid but I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone in this as I am pretty much in the exact same position as you. 6 failed IUI and 2 IVF, never had a positive.
    We are faced with 3 choices: another cycle of IVF, donor embryos (as we both have poor egg/sperm quality) or adoption. Its been a month since last treatment failed and we still feel unable to make a decision. Each day we change our minds and have an appointment to see a fertility counsellor to talk it through.

    A friends of ours has adopted and they had such a positive experience that I am swaying towards it, plus there is more chance of an outcome at the end. But it is still a long process without the pregnancy and new born experience :-(

    If another round of IVF/Donor Embryo worked it would bring us everything we want in such a short time compared to adoption BUT it could just as easily not work and its a lot of money to spend. How far do you go?

    There are pros and cons to all the choices and its just a matter of doing what's right for you. I totally understand how hard it is to come to a decision and I'm just hoping it will just 'happen' in time.

    I wish you all the best in which ever decision you make :-) xx

    Offline Rio2016

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    How do you know when it's time to move on?
    « Reply #3 on: 12/12/17, 19:09 »
    Sending love. We've never had a BFP either.

    We're going to try donor eggs with my husband's sperm next. Will see how we get on. I think we'll try that once or twice.

    Then I might consider adoption. I'm still keen to try and have a biological child on my husband's side and ideally to give birth to a healthy baby

    Have you seen these -http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p05pfcnq

    xx

    Offline Bettyville

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    How do you know when it's time to move on?
    « Reply #4 on: 14/12/17, 16:31 »
    Hi Ladies,
    Thank you so much for your replies - it really is a horrible journey.

    Aaisha - congrats on your two sons xx - i do think that if we moved on to adoption, i would look back but as CopperBird mentions - i feel as though there is more of a chance with adoption. My body has been through so much and i really don't want to get to the way i was at the start of the year with my mental health / emotional state.

    Copperbird - my last failed IVF was at the beginning of March and i still can't figure out what to do so take your time, have a break and try and enjoy Christmas if you can x

    Sending you all love - let's hope we can make our decisions soon.

    Offline katfink

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    How do you know when it's time to move on?
    « Reply #5 on: 15/01/18, 11:43 »
    Hi Betty

    I am in a similar position to aissha. I had been trying for 7 years. 5 failed IUIs, 3 failed IVFs including an early mc and was at the end of my tether. My husband and I decided to take a year off all fertility talk and treatment then see if we could face any more. The break was really good for us emotionally and as a couple. As it turns out I didnít take a full year off because through a new colleague I went to see someone at the Lister in Chelsea who gave me such confidence I decided to have one last try throwing the book at it. I had previously lost 5 frozen embryos due to genetic abnormalities so I went for pre genetic screening , immune stuff, all sorts of things with very limited scientific backing in the hope itíd work. Well something worked. I now have 10 month old twins. Iím incredibly lucky. While Iím writing this to give you hope and solidarity I used to hate posts like this when I was still trying . Just because someone else got lucky doesnít mean you will. You might be lucky or you might not. For us the break was the key in giving us the space to know if we could tolerate more treatment. Itís all-consuming and the hardest thing Iíve every gone through. Wishing you all the strength to do whatís right for you going forwards x

    Offline hope4life

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    How do you know when it's time to move on?
    « Reply #6 on: 20/01/18, 23:30 »
    Bettyville so sorry youíve had such a rough road. Itís such a hard and personal choice to know when to move on. Have you ever had any implantation? mc or cp? If not have you had the ERA test to see if your implantation window is displaced?

    Offline Bettyville

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    How do you know when it's time to move on?
    « Reply #7 on: 13/02/18, 17:26 »
    hi ladies,
    Thank you very much for getting back to me - i haven't really been on here for a while so completely missed these replies, i really appreciate you getting back to me. My last failed IVF was March 2017 and since then, it's had a huge effect on me emotionally and whilst i want to do one final round before moving on, i am really scared about how it could affect me. I have never had a CP, MC or a BFP so the chances of it working are 0%. The truth is, i'm ready to move on but i can't as i know that i'll probably look back one day and think, what if - and it's that that keeps holding me to IVF. Apart from that, i feel my life has been on hold for over 6 years!

    I'm really not sure what we'll do but i do know i need to decide soon.