* Author Topic: To try IVF or not?  (Read 892 times)

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Offline bobo66

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To try IVF or not?
« on: 28/03/18, 12:50 »
Apologies in advance if this is the wrong place to post this...

Itís decision time. Been trying 7-8 years, I have PCOS but DH fine. Done a few Clomid cycles and I ovulate but donít get pregnant.

We can have an IVF cycle on the NHS if we do it this year, and a relative has also said to ask if we want financial help. Thatís hugely generous and I know weíre very fortunate to have the chance of NHS funding.

The issue is whether even trying IVF is a good idea, and Iíd be really grateful for advice. DH is fine to go along with treatment and thinks heíd like a child, but doesnít feel the grief I do. Iím scared of all the IVF drugs, the side effects and that it could exacerbate my PCOS symptoms. Iím scared of all the intervention, the emotional rollercoaster and so on. Iím embarrassed about all the money IVF would cost. Iím also worried about how Iíd cope with hopefully having Frosties. Iím both emotionally and physically sensitive. I find Clomid emotionally draining and I really donít know how Iíd get on working through IVF (I do a lot of looking after others in my work). GP is being very encouraging and saying thereís a good chance I would get pregnant. I would dearly love to have our own biological child child, but Iím also not very confident. Iím having therapy and DH who is potentially depressed might have some soon, though Iím not holding my breath. Weíve talked and established that being together is more important than having a child, but I will still have grieving to do.

Iíd really value your thoughts and especially how bearable IVF is, especially with a sometimes emotionally unavailable partner.

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    Offline bundles

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    To try IVF or not?
    « Reply #1 on: 28/03/18, 14:41 »
    Hi Honey,

    I'm so sorry to read your situation. Tbh I can't really help as I don't really know much about PCOS but it may be worth copying & pasting this post in the PCOS board :
    https://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=13.0
    I'm sure the ladies there can help with chances specifically when having PCOS, as well as IVF details.
    We don't normally allow duplicate posting but I'm happy in this case. You can put 'Dup post approved by Bundles' at the bottom.

    Good luck
    Bundles xx

    Offline Cloudy

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    To try IVF or not?
    « Reply #2 on: 28/03/18, 14:44 »
    IVF is a rollercoaster, but itís more the infertility that does that than the actual IVF process. If anything I found it easier having treatment than not because you have a focus and a plan.

    Having PCOS can cause a risk of OHSS but most people are ok and donít get this. There are also things they can do to reduce he risk and ultimately you can completely avoid it by having a different trigger shot and having a freeze-all Cycle (so going back a few months later for a FET). The thought of the drugs and egg collection is much worse than actually having it done.

    I had a terrible cycle but it is rare it goes like that and it resulted in my son so was completely worth it.

    Personally I think if you have NHS funding then take it and do counselling in conjunction with it. If at any point you want to stop you can. Regarding work, I was off work for most of it: holiday leave and sick leave. Most people work through it, but you donít have to and some people (like me) are unable to work through it due to the nature of their job and the logistics of appointments etc.

    Good luck whatever you decide xxx

    Offline lea86

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    To try IVF or not?
    « Reply #3 on: 28/03/18, 19:20 »
    I had this thought in my mind too and after much contemplation Iíve opted to be referred for IVF after 6 failed clomid cycles. Thereís a part of me that always questioned whether it was Godís plan for me not to be a parent as although PCOS runs in my family everyone else has managed to fall pregnant. After years of not being on the pills, trying metformin and the failed clomid cycles I decided it wasnít worth the heartache. But my nephew being born made me reconsider. Low and behold when my partners sperm was retested it was quite poor and the consultant suggested that there was probably a very low chance that I would have conceived when using clomid, having had 4 confirmed cycles where I ovulated. There had been 18 months between his initial SA and me starting clomid. I felt like a failure of a partner for not being able to give him a child, but I clearly have beat myself up when thereís been more to our situation. I decided that I would regret it more not trying. But I have been explicitly clear with myself that I am doing my three funded cycles and no more. I pray that I am successful but if not at least I can say I gave it a go. No one can make that decision for you but think about how you see yourself in 10 years time. Iím in the very early stages of my NHS IVF process, but my initial consultation was promising.

    Wishing you all the best.

    Offline bobo66

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    To try IVF or not?
    « Reply #4 on: 2/04/18, 08:32 »
    Thank you all - this is really helpful and kind of you.

    Bundles - thanks, Ive posted in the PCOS board like you suggested.

    Cloudy - thank you. Lots of useful and reassuring things here. A lot of the 7-8 years of trying have involved limbo having to fight for investigation and then long limbo between treatments which is emotionally hard. I did some reading up about the things Iím most scared of and it all feels more possible now. Thatís good to know about work - Iíd need to keep working if I possibly could. Congratulations on your son!

    Lea86 - thank you. I think Iím experiencing some similar things. I feel called to be a mother and the pain and grief suggests thatís really what it is, even though my body isnít doing what it needs to. Iím worried about looking back and regretting it if I decide not to do treatment. I hope things go well with your treatment.