* Author Topic: Vistahermosa cycle chat 9  (Read 49357 times)

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Online Poppy41London

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Vistahermosa cycle chat 9
« Reply #720 on: 25/11/19, 11:48 »
Hi everyone

Mrs Hopeful I am so pleased you have been enjoying the flat. It must have really helped having that relaxing space while your hubby is recovering from the surgery. I hope he is starting to do better now.  I am glad the sperm they retrieved was good and you ended up with 4 embryos after fertilisation. Of course I understand you would have liked more but remember you only need one good one when it comes down to it and hopefully out of 4 you may end up with at least 2 that you can transfer.

I know you are getting PGS results today too so fingers crossed the results are good. Am sending lots of positive thoughts your way. I can imagine you are incredibly nervous. Let us know how you both get on.

As to the happiness calendar, I have written down some things I enjoy doing so that's a start. I also met a friend for lunch on Friday which helped. And she suggested we try to do one fun or enjoyable thing together each week for the next few weeks if we can. So this Thursday we are planning to go to the Tate Modern to look at some art which should be nice.

I have had a bit of a set back though with my recovery. I have had a really sore lower left leg/calf since the surgery which just wasn't getting any better. So on Saturday I went to the hospital to get it checked out as I was told there is a small risk of developing a blood clot after surgery and I wanted to rule that out. They took a blood test and told me I had a clot!! So I was really scared and worried and they told me to go through to another department for more tests and to discuss treatment which may involve being admitted to hospital.

I had more blood tests there and then saw a doctor who examined my leg and said he actually didnt think I had a clot and he said the first test they did in A&E was pointless because it would have come up positive no matter what, given I have recently been pregnant and they should have known that! Anyway he then sent me for an ultrasound scan on my leg to confirm either way and fortunately they said there were no clots. Phew!!!

However they said there was quite a lot of fluid in my leg which is what was causing the pain. Apparently that's quite common as a result of pregnancy and that combined with the surgery has probably caused it. Its basically an inflammatory response. So I am having to take it fairly easy and have my leg elevated a lot and am really hoping that this fluid subsides soon so I can be more active. But thank goodness it wasn't a clot as I really didn't know if I could handle facing that on top of everything else.

Yesterday my husband and I also went to a remembrance service for baby loss run by the charity Saying Goodbye. I really felt like I had no way of channeling my grief and the surgery meant everything was so sudden. And we had been to one of these services after our first loss a few years back which was really really devastating as it was also our last chance at pregnancy with my own eggs (and we found out our baby had died 2 days before 12 weeks when we were about to start sharing our happy news). It really helped then so I thought why not go again as they just happened to have their one London service for the year this Sunday (they also hold services at various other cities around the UK during the year).

It was a beautiful service and really helped us both to honour our baby and our loss. During the service you have the opportunity to light candles for the baby or babies your have lost. And towards the end of the service they pass bells around and everyone who has lost babies rings a bell once for each baby they have lost. It is very powerful hearing all those bells ringing out and being in a space with so many other people who feel and understand your loss and grief and know that it matters and isn't just 'one of those things'. I really felt like it was a way of marking and acknowledging the loss so as to slowly start to try and move forwards. I would recommend it to anyone who finds themselves in this unfortunate position I am currently in, or who is still grieving the losses they have already had in the past...

Anyway, that's all my news. Maiziee, Brighty and Butterfly, I hope you are all well. And Brighty I hope that your courses are going well in preparing for birth and baby. Even though they wont be relevant to me like I had hoped they would be in the coming months, I am still interested to know how it's going and what you think of the hypnobirthing, so do keep us posted when you get a chance.

Love to all of you. And Mrs Hopeful I look forward to hearing your news about the embryos and the test results. Fingers and everything crossed for you.

Xxx

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    Offline brightybrighty

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    « Reply #721 on: 25/11/19, 19:13 »
    Hi ladies

    Mrs Hopeful - I hope you and your husband are doing ok out there at the moment. It sounds like your husband's had a bit of a rough ride with the biopsy but hopefully he's feeling recovered now and you have had positive news from your PGT today. I know what a rollercoaster it is so I'm glad you're doing nice things whilst there and keeping as calm as possible...Let us know how you're getting on when you have a chance...

    Poppy - what a thing to have to go through on top of everything else with that clot scare and now swollen leg. It's even harder to feel positive when things like that happen and just feels extra unfair, I know!!... You are bound to feel low - it's not just the current situation (although that is enough in itself of course) but all the other losses and struggles and dashed hopes/dreams that have built up combined. I think you're doing amazingly well with seeing friends and making plans to do a nice thing each week with one of them - such a great idea. I know how easily we can isolate ourselves when these things happen, and it doesn't help at all. Distraction with good friends who understand you're grieving is just what you need. Mrs Hopeful's idea of the happiness calendar is so good, I think we should all implement that all the time...

    I'm so pleased you went to the remembrance service yesterday. I never knew of such things and would have loved to have had something concrete to do to express our grief and loss with others who are sadly in the same boat. Like you say, when things are over so quickly it can feel so difficult to know how or where to channel your pain. I found writing really helped me - it was a way to process all the contradictory mixture of emotions and anger and sadness.

    Thanks for asking about me, things are good. Still feeling well, with more energy than before and had such a busy week last week with various twin courses and ante natal classes starting and the hypnobirthing course etc all happening at once, it's def feeling real now. I'm still feeling a fair bit of anxiety over the whole NHS 'twin plan' which seems to jar a bit with my idea of doing it as naturally as possible as I can, and using the hypnobirthing techniques (which I have to say seem to make perfect sense and def the way to go for me). I know it's all about managing risk for them and of course the last thing I want is to do anything that puts the babies in jeopardy but they are pretty regimented about what they're saying they'll 'allow' and 'not allow' me to do, which I'm struggling with at the moment (e.g constant monitoring so less chance of being active or using water, automatic epidural, induction at 37 weeks, straight into hospital at first sign of labour rather than being able to stay at home in a relaxed environment for as long as possible etc etc). Anyway, what will be will be so it's all ok really. Got my 32 week scan next week so can have it out with the obstetrician more then! I'm finding it difficult to explain to them that this is my way of having faith in my body again after so many years of mistrusting it and being angry at it after everything that's happened - I'm not sure if you've felt the same, but I've found it almost impossible over the years to have any faith in my own body or in my role as a woman. I've found this pregnancy quite a healing experience, and I guess trying to do it as 'naturally' as possible is my way of fully making peace with my body again and having faith in it after so long of the opposite.... anyway, I know how lucky I am to be in this position so at the end of the day, as long as I get them out safely and they are healthy, that is ALL that matters. I still can't believe that we've managed to get here after everything. I hope it brings some hope to others...

    Anyway, keep taking it day by day (or even hour by hour) and being kind to yourself.

    Lots of love to all xx

    Online Poppy41London

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    Vistahermosa cycle chat 9
    « Reply #722 on: 26/11/19, 13:29 »
    Hi ladies

    Mrs Hopeful, I hope the news you got yesterday about the embryos was good. Thinking of you and your hubby. Xx

    Brighty, you says you have your 32 week scan next week, so I just realised that means you only have about 5 or 6 weeks left until you reach 37 weeks - when you said the hospital want to induce you!! Does it feel like it has come around quickly? It sure seems like it to me but I am not the one living it 😊.

    I am glad your courses have been going well, although it's been really busy for you. Sounds like you have got a lot from the hypnobirthing and I totally understand where you are coming from about wanting to be able to trust in your body and what it is naturally capable of.

    As to the hospital and them trying to dictate to you how your birth plan should go... of course everyone's priority is the safety of both the babies, however it sounds to me like there could be a middle ground where you can have more of a say and more control over what happens if things are going smoothly? Do what feels right, but like you said you plan to do, make sure you do speak up and express what you would like to happen. Maybe if you are really assertive they will listen. It is after all meant to be your choice of how you have your babies  unless your choices are going to clearly put the babies at risk. I hope you can reach a compromise between what you would like and what they are trying to make you do, so that you feel comfortable with the approach.

    Xx

    Offline butterfly74

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    « Reply #723 on: 28/11/19, 09:02 »
    Dear Poppy, I was very touched about the story of the remembrance service. For sure it would have helped me as well in my previous losses. Itís good you are reacting, never give up is my motto and keep on doing what makes you serene and ....baby steps!

    Regarding my situation, yesterday I had my last scan: the baby is still in breech position so I am still more confident my choice for a Caesarean section was not just impulsive and dictated by unmotivated fears. It will be next December 3, so Iíll keep you posted then!😍

    Brighty I know itís stressful but you are almost at the end 💪💪


    A big hug to all the girls!

    Online Poppy41London

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    « Reply #724 on: 28/11/19, 16:18 »
    Butterfly hello! I can't believe your c-section is scheduled for next week. Your baby is nearly here!! Wishing you all the best with it. It does sound like it was the right decision given your baby is breech. And you have to do what feels most right for you anyway.

    You probably won't get a chance to message us for a little while, but when you can, please let us know how you got on and give us news of your baby. I am so happy for you. Will be thinking of you and sending positive relaxing thoughts ahead of the section. Hope all goes really smoothly. Xxx

    Online Poppy41London

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    « Reply #725 on: 2/12/19, 22:37 »
    Butterfly, best of luck for tomorrow. Xx

    Offline brightybrighty

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    « Reply #726 on: 3/12/19, 09:12 »
    Hi all

    Just a quick one this morning to send you so many good wishes Butterfly on the day you'll get to meet your long-awaited baby!! Can you believe it?! It must feel so surreal, exciting and overwhelming and so many other things I'm sure.... as Poppy says, I'm sure you'll be busy (in a good way!) for a while so we look forward to hearing an update when you're ready. Lots of love!

    Poppy - I hope you're doing ok, as best you can be. If you feel like updating us, or venting, or anything at all, please do... Thanks too for your support re my birth wobble, feeling a lot more in control now. Have my 32 week scan tomorrow and I see the obstetrician next week so hope to get more clarity then.

    Mrs Hopeful - hope you and your husband are both ok.

    Maiziee - sending you and your growing wee boy lots of well wishes.

    Love to everyone else and anyone 'passing through' who's reading this. xx


    Online Poppy41London

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    « Reply #727 on: 3/12/19, 12:57 »
    Hi Brighty

    Good to hear from you. I am doing ok. Feeling really flat and pretty low but that's to be expected really...

    My leg has improved loads since I went to acupuncture on Thursday though, which I am so relieved about. All going well I think I should be able to get back to the gym pretty soon which will be great. Having that bad leg pain and discomfort really just was a bit too much on top of everything else.

    I have met up with a couple of friends in the past week and tried to organise things to get out of the house. It's a struggle to force myself, but I find it does help. I have very little energy though and just want to sleep a lot but I think that's due to the feelings of loss and also my body adjusting to the lack of all the hormones. Doing ok though all considered.

    I am glad to hear you are feeling a bit better about things regarding the birth and the birth plan. Xx

    Hi to Maiziee too. I hope you are doing well and plans for xmas with your little boy are coming along well.

    And Mrs Hopeful, we haven't heard anything from you for a while. I hope you and your husband are doing ok and the results of the PGT were alright. Depending what happened, you may even be in the two week wait now if you went ahead and had embryos transferred. Thinking of you anyway and hoping you are ok. When/if you feel like it, do let us know what is happening and how you are doing. Absolutely no pressure though. Just know we are here to support you if you want.

    And finally Butterfly, you may already have met your baby today or if not, soon. So excited for you.

    Lots of love to all

    Xxx


    Online Poppy41London

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    « Reply #728 on: 7/12/19, 12:40 »
    Hi ladies

    I had a negative pregnancy test this morning so it means my miscarriage is officially complete. Not sure what I feel tbh. Obviously relieved nothing further is required treatment wise for that. But it's still hard  I would like to try with our remaining embryos next year, but just hope I have the strength to do so. And not sure if there could be an embryo problem which caused this to fail, or a problem with me, or if it's just bad luck...

    I hope everyone else is doing well.

    Butterfly I hope you are recovering ok from the c-section and meeting your baby has been wonderful.

    Maiziee I hope all is good with you and your little boy.

    Brighty, good to hear you are feeling more positive about everything regarding the birth plan. I hope that you are feeling prepared. How many weeks to go now? Will the babies likely be born before xmas or after?

    Mrs Hopeful, I do hope you are ok. The fact you have gone quiet makes me wonder if things didn't go well with the embryos and I know you have had a lot of disappointments before and not got to transfer stage previously. Whatever is going on, thinking of you. I know how hard this journey can be.

    And if anyone else is out there cycling at Vistahermosa or about to, please let us know and join us. We are a supportive bunch.

    Love to all.

    Xxx

    Offline brightybrighty

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    « Reply #729 on: 9/12/19, 10:47 »
    Hi Poppy
    Ah I know that feeling - relieved to get the negative result so you know you can start drawing a line underneath it, but feels so final and upsetting at the same time - you are bound to not know how you feel or just feel numb, you have been through such a lot. I also can't believe that your leg has only just got better - that can't have helped at all!... It's also absolutely normal to feel confused as to what happens next and about making sense of what went awry this time around and if there's anything you can do to have a different outcome. With every loss and disappointment it feels more confusing and frustrating as to what do next. I remember, after 8 miscarriages and countless fruitless tests, being told it was bad luck by the consultant and feeling so angry - "bad luck"?? No sh*t sherlock! .... BUT, you do have two embryos on ice and that is a different position to where you've been before. Maybe you'll have more information and idea of direction once you've spoken to VH docs properly - are you thinking about doing that next year now, or perhaps in the next few weeks before Xmas? Whatever feels right for you in this moment of course... you are doing really well though. Keep being kind to yourself and listening to your instincts.

    All fine here. My friends threw me a surprise baby shower this weekend - I had been very reluctant about doing anything like that as I spent so many years dodging other people's baby celebrations and feeling so negative about them that it just felt wrong and hypocritical to do anything myself... but my friends (who are very persistent and a force of nature!) ignored me and said that it was even more important to celebrate after such a rocky road. It ended up being so lovely and very emotional - they'd hired an airbnb (most came down from London) and loads of people I hadn't expected turned up from all over the country, I was so overwhelmed and appreciative (and blubby!). It ended up being very special and I'm glad they over-ruled me in the end. Lots of pics were posted on social media too which meant that I was finally outed on social media (after keeping it relatively quiet) and so it's def feeling real now. 33 weeks this week and have obstetrician appt on Wed (my b'day!). So far they've said induction at 37/38 wks (5th/12th Jan) unless I go into labour naturally before then. Apparently with twins there's a 60% chance of labour before 37 weeks so I'm hoping I fall into that bracket. Although don't want it to be too early - hopefully after Xmas! I'm going to throw everything I can at it (reflexology, acupuncture, 6 dates a day apparently!, etc) and will them to come before having to be induced. At last week's scan they were both heads down and both weighing about 4.5 lbs so good sizes and positions - I'm hoping that strengthens my case of as natural birth as possible.

    Anyway, that's all my news. Lots of love, Poppy - keep us posted on how you're doing as and when you want to... and love and best wishes to everyone else too of course xx