Pregnancy and Parenting after Infertility > Moving On- For Those with Children

Menopausal..just found out

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Mum2M:
I did a blood test recently and just picked up the the results...I am Menopausal :'(. I have spend loads on tabs and accupunture recently and have been having very serious issues with my husband. So seeing the results today is making me feel really really sad/angry/alone....just not very good. Not up to work today...just need to uncoil.  I would've done so or sperm if I had too now that I know there is no egg to work with I feel like screaming. Worst thing is there is absolutely no one I can talk to. The parents will feel too sad and start fussing...everyone else no way. I just thought why not come on here and unburden yourself. I waited too long due to marital up and down to try for a sibling. I am sitting here thinking I better not wait to ling in a rubbish marriage as well😡. Just don't know how I didn't do something sooner. Maybe it's the fact I have changed jobs/location so much with a little child in tow without any help from an abusive(mentally and verbally) husband. Finally settled and confident to try on my own and boom recent blood test is menopausal and I was within ok range a year ago (she says ignorantly😣). Just feel bad and alone....I just don't want to overreact (send d husband packing) but I feel like blaming someone. If only he had been more supportive and present we could have started this journey 5-6 years ago. Hmmmm...life is what you make it, I should have focused more on my biological clock. It was really a struggle doing everything when my son was younger, now he is older I can handle another but it would have been manic. I am pretty much just trying to convince myself not to give myself a kick.
Ok that helped a little gonna binge watch and sleep b4 the school run. God give me the strength and presence of mind to always remember how blessed I am to have a child. Dear Lord I am grateful, this is more for my baby than for me. I would give him the stars if I could. I just wanted to give him a forever friend/sibling.....

sktimms:
Hi Mum2M,  just read your post and can really relate to how you feel.  I am desperate to give my son (aged 8 ) a sibling.  Like you, the early years were hard for me and my husband, our son displayed challenging behaviour from aged 2 and was diagnosed last year with high functioning Autism and sensory processing disorder. We sat on the fence for years and didn't try for another baby until he was 4 and I was nearly 40.  We conceived twice in my early 40s but tragically we lost both babies to a very rare genetic disorder, not inherited but just bad luck,  simply that my eggs were no longer good due to age.   We are now trying DE IVF and have had two failed cycles...I am 45 in September and time is obviously not on our side.  Our DS will be 9 soon and still asks us for a brother or sister :'(.   What I have learned on this journey (and from reading posts on FF) is that, although it feels isolating, you are most definitely not alone.  I too feel angry and want to blame someone...often my husband as he has two other healthy children from his previous marriage and was ambivalent about us even trying for our first baby.  You are right that we must thank our lucky stars for the beautiful children we do have.  When I am trying hard to feel brave I think of the positives in just having one child (more money, time, a really close relationships, no sibling rivalry etc) and know that the whole experience has made me much less judgemental of others... no one can really understand another's situation until they have walked in their shoes.   You sound like a very strong person who deserves some happiness.  Take care,  Sarah

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