Praying for a 2nd miracle - ICSI #8

[Lanee]

TGIF!! I started taking melatonin again a couple of nights ago to prepare for my next cycle and boy is it making me feel sleepy!!!

I feel completely exhausted and out of it. After about a week or so, my body usually adjusts to it but the first week is tough!

Work continues to be a struggle too. My new boss is really hands on and controlling so I’m feeling like I’ve been de-moted and totally junior. On the other hand, I definitely feel less stressed as I have someone to escalate to deal with all the issues. I’m hoping less stress will equal a better cycle next round. So I need to focus on the positives so that I can make the best of the situation.

But I’m dreading having to tell him that I have to work from Oz again after I just did 2 weeks there so recently. Working out my next cycle dates, it should coincide with a friend’s wedding in Oz so at least I can consolidate that into one trip. Around 17 days to go before I start down regging.

I’d better get my act together with my diet. I’ve been feeling like eating junk food every day .... eeek.

[FertilityFriends]

[Lanee]

~13 days until down reg begins

I can’t seem to get back into the groove of eating healthily for my next cycle. Really need to re-read parts of “it starts with the egg” to remind myself why I need to cut down sugars & junk food.

Going back for acupuncture today as I felt it did help last cycle so hopefully actively doing this will help re-trigger me back into the right mindset for the next cycle.

Been feeling really tired and exhausted the last few days. Managed to sleep nearly 12hours on Sunday. Not sure if it is still because I’m re-adjusting to taking melatonin or if it’s because I’m feeling a little bit down and lost with life right now so have lost motivation or probably a combo of both. Hope things improve in the next few days.

[Lanee]

~11 days until down reg begins


I found an IVF success predictor tool (which uses data from the US to predict your chances of success per cycle based on various inputs like age, cause of infertility etc.) and it was very sobering to see mine come back as 12.1% chance of success per IVF cycle. I wonder how many more cycles I need to do before I will hit the jackpot and I’m not sure how many more I’m willing or able to do (especially as my new boss didn’t seem very happy about me working from Oz for another 2 weeks so soon after my last trip).


I’m still bingeing on food but did manage to do a pilates class yesterday so at least that is better than not doing anything at all. First time exercising in a long time and I realised how weak and unfit I’ve become! Will definitely try and go each week from now on.


Spoke with the clinic today and am all sorted for my next cycle. Will aim for the following dates if my body behaves:
- start down reg on 24th September
- start Gonal F on 10th October (down reg a little longer than usual so that I can plan around my flights)
- fly to Oz on 16th October
- egg collection 22nd October
- transfer 27th October (and have a lunch planned with friends that day!)
- attend friend’s wedding on 28th October (hope that’s not going to be a bad thing straight after transfer but bed rest didn’t seem to help last time and my clinic doesn’t even make you stay lying down for 5mins after transfer. It’s literally pop it in and out you go!)
- leave Oz 31st October


So flights are booked and the countdown continues!

[Lanee]

Day 1 Synarel

I can’t seem to get my head into this cycle. I guess when you get to the 7th fresh cycle, the excitement and anticipation wear off a little. I just don’t feel like I’m really focused on it. I’m scared that it’s not going to be successful. In fact, I feel like it’s not going to be successful and I’m going to spend so much money on another cycle. I’ve continued to binge on junk food and I’ve gained 2-3kilos since the last cycle finished. 😳

I had my blood test yesterday and I must have ovulated earlier than usual because I was surprised to hear that I am ready to start down regging. But I’m feeling worried as I haven’t been feeling right - I don’t know if it’s all the food I’ve been eating but I’ve been getting some pain in my left ovary and my stomach feels hard and bloated. It’s been making me feel worried and I don’t feel like myself.

Work has been really up and down ... mostly down ... so that is also adding to me feeling flat and unhappy. New boss is super smart but just seems to not gel with me - it’s like he is trying to push me out of the team.

On the upside, DH has been back for over 2 weeks now and I’m loving having him home after 3 months away. That’s been a real blessing that is keeping me going. He texted me the other day saying that he can feel that I’m feeling a bit down. That really surprised me as I didn’t think it was that obvious. But sweetly he told me to stay strong and that we will get through it together. I guess this is the positive from 3 months apart ... distance makes the heart grow fonder right? 😅

Anyway, despite not doing well on the food front, I have been doing the following for this cycle
- Acupuncture 2x/week
- Pilates 1x/week (only the last 2 weeks)
- Vitamins - melatonin, Vit D, C, multivitamin, ubiquinol, omega 3
- Herbal chicken essence soup each day

Hope it is helping and resolving to do better tomorrow with eating protein and less sugar 😬

[Lanee]

Day 15 Down Reg - Synarel

It’s been a crazy 2 weeks for me. My period arrived earlier this week (Day 11 of down reg) but I was overseas for work so wasn’t able to do the blood test to start Gonal F. Am planning to do that on Monday and hopefully everything will be ok for me to start stimms.

I am feeling anxious about this cycle - I still haven’t managed to get my head fully into gear to eat healthier and lose some weight. In fact, I’m 3kgs heavier than when my last cycle started and I haven’t managed to cut down on sugars at all.

But I have started doing a 7min workout each day this week after being inspired from a training course I attended at work. The course is called  Energy for Performance in Life. And basically it helps you to identify your core values and find more energy to invest in the things that really matter to you. I found it a really great time-out to think about what I care about and there are also some simple tips on how to eat better, incorporate exercise etc. So post this course, I started doing their recommended 7min workout and definitely feel better about myself for it.

The training course has also been timely because I’ve been having a bit of a mid life crisis to be honest especially with my career. I think it’s because I have a new boss who is super hands on and I feel that I have been demoted as a result. And I just don’t seem to be gel-ling with him. So I’ve totally lost confidence and want to change roles. I did finally tell him that I need to go to Oz for a couple of weeks and he didn’t take it that well. But I didn’t “ask” for permission so I guess he didn’t have the option to say “no”. 😅

I’ve been consistent with the acupuncture and had another one this morning. I’m starting to not enjoy them because I don’t like the feel of the needles going in but hopefully it is all going to be worth it. I don’t think I will do any in Oz except the before and after transfer ones.

Have been feeling happy about having DH around so hope it makes the difference for this cycle and it’s finally the one! I’ve been reading a little about immune testing and wondering why my doctor hasn’t bothered to do any just in case 😳 think this will be my last fresh cycle with her and will move to someone else if I’m still not successful.

Anyway, have a BBQ for my hubby’s birthday tomorrow so need to head off and prep for it! Enjoy the weekend!!!

[Lanee]

Cycle 7 - Day 5 stimms


I’ve been having a really rough time at work and it’s making me feel really down about everything. My new boss does not respect me one single bit. For example, there was an idea I proposed and he basically shot it down. The following week, I proposed it again but said it was an idea from someone else and he loved it! It’s driving me crazy especially because I am working hard too but just not getting any recognition or support from him.


So I haven’t been very focused on my cycle but I did start stimms on Wednesday. I think because of the stress of work, I had brown spotting for the first 3 days of stimms which made me worried. I emailed the nurses and they just said they will need to keep an eye on my lining. It seems to have stopped now so hopefully all is ok. Then last night, I did something weird with my nasal spray and only seemed to press it down half way, before doing another half spray. I was worried that I didn’t get the full amount of medication so didn’t know what to do. So ended up blowing my nose and trying it again. Hopefully I didn’t take too much of it.


Will have my first blood test for the cycle tomorrow to see how my body is responding but I can feel some discomfort on my left ovary similar to the last cycle so hoping there are some follicles growing. I’m not sure if it’s because I have done so many cycles that I can feel my ovaries more or if they are growing faster this time
like the last cycle but hoping it is a positive sign.


I had a bit of a cry last night because I found out a friend from work got her BFP yesterday. Of course I’m super happy for her but then when I was telling DH about who on my team are having babies, I just completely broke down - 4 direct team members are all having babies!


Anyway, I need to find my positive frame of mind and think positive about this cycle and that it’s going to be the one. Right now, I don’t have that feeling at all ... I keep thinking this cycle is screwed because I’m feeling so out of whack from work and feeling tired and down. So I need to reframe my thinking and find the power of positive thinking!

[Lanee]

Cycle 7 - Day 9 Stimms

Work has been crazy so I haven’t had much of a chance to post each day. But I had my first scan yesterday and unfortunately the follicles are still quite small and the nurse didn’t even measure them. But it looks like I have 8 on each side so I’m happy with the quantity, just not the size of each follicle.

My work colleague who is pregnant from her first cycle of IVF told me that she practiced visualisations every day - visualising being pregnant and having a baby. Apparently it changes something in your body and helps make you more receptive to having a baby so I started doing that last night and trying to get into a more positive frame of mind.

I also feel my parents are finally fully supportive of me - my dad even made a special soup for me to try and help my body be more prepared. So I really hope this cycle will be the one.

I also called the nursing team today to ask them whether I should do the natural killer cell test - they said my FS doesn’t really support it so no... I also asked about embryo glue ... apparently the lab culture they use already has something similar .... and I also asked about embryo hatching to which they said it was an old technique and they prefer not to do this. And lastly I asked if I could transfer more than one embryo to which they said it is not recommended but I could discuss it with my FS. I appreciate that they want to go with the least intervention method but I also hate the idea of continuing trial and error after 7 cycles! I just want to throw everything at the cycle and hope it works.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to my scan tomorrow to see how many follicles have grown.

[Lanee]

Cycle 7 - Day 11 Stimms Gonal F 275

Had my scan yesterday and unfortunately my follicles are still small. I have about 8 follicles between 11-14mm and the rest are smaller than 10mm. Considering that I normally need larger sized follicles (20mm before trigger) for them to be mature, this is not looking good.

For quite a few of my cycles, I have had the egg collection on day 15 but for cycle #5 it was on day 17 and the follicles were already larger than this by day 11. The problem with stimming that long was that most of the eggs retrieved were “dark” in colour and had “SERs” - after some googling, that is not a good thing. So I really hope I can go ahead to do the egg collection on day 15 even if it means I get less mature eggs.

I’ve also made an appointment with another doctor next week to get another opinion. I know my current FS tries to intervene as little as possible but this month’s cycle is basically a repeat of something we have tried before - she hasn’t tried anything new which is pretty disappointing. She didn’t even repeat the last cycle’s medication and that has been my most successful cycle so far.

I’m trying to stay positive and use positive visualisation. And trying to rest this weekend and get more sleep to hopefully help the eggs grow. I can’t help being worried that the embryos will not be good because in the past, they tend not to survive to day 5 and I have a feeling it’s because they are already slow growing as follicles so maybe they don’t have the energy to make it to day 5.

Hope I have better news at my next scan on Monday. I’m also wondering if I should request a day 3 transfer and transfer 2 embryos - just so that something is different .... who knows......

[Lanee]

Cycle 7 - day post trigger, day before egg collection

Yay! I triggered last night ... will finally go for egg collection tomorrow ... it feels like it has been dragging on this cycle. Tomorrow will be day 15 since I started Gonal F so I’ve been stimming for 13 days.

Have been feeling a little queasy on and off the last few days ... I think because my estrogen is through the roof ... 14000pmol/L. I’m worried too because my progesterone is also pretty high 4.7nmol/L ... have been googling different articles and basically at this level, it reduces the chances of implantation. Depending on the study, I’m either borderline high or too high and even the nurse who called me was surprised my FS is letting me proceed to transfer this cycle. But since there is still a chance of falling pregnant, I think I still want to proceed.

On a positive note, my FS has confirmed she is happy to transfer two embryos ... since I’m over 38 and this is cycle 7! Hope that increases the chance of one of them implanting. And she said she will decide based on the number of embryos I get if it will be a day 3 or day 5 transfer.

I was a little bit naughty last night for my tigger ...hope it doesn’t bite me in the ..but basically, I upped my trigger dose a tiny bit ... instead of taking 50% of the trigger, I took 60% hoping it will help the eggs mature ... and I assume it is not significant enough more to be an issue since I’m guessing everyone’s body processes it differently anyway.

And I took the trigger 20mins early, trying to extend the time to collection a little again to hopefully help the eggs mature. Again, I figured 20mins wasn’t significant but hoping it helps a little. I actually wanted to trigger earlier and do even more of the ovidrel to try and get a different result this cycle but I chickened out at the last minute 😅 I just felt my FS wasn’t willing to try anything different even though we have had the same exact medications on a previous cycle and only had one embryo to freeze (and not a good enough quality one to have the PGD testing on it).

Fingers crossed for tomorrow!

[Lanee]

Egg collection

Just got back home from my egg collection - 14 retrieved... I’m happy with that ... and now to wait to see how many of them are actually mature.