* Author Topic: ICSI #6 (BFN, 1 PGD normal frostie), onto ICSI #7 (BFP!!!! + 1 frostie)  (Read 18314 times)

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Offline Lanee

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ICSI Cycle #6 (BFN, 1 PGD normal frostie), onto ICSI #7
« Reply #70 on: 7/11/18, 15:22 »
11dp3dt

After my emotional day yesterday, I was very exhausted and went to bed really early ... like 9.30pm! Which is highly unusual for me so hoping it is a positive sign.

But I woke up feeling less ďpregnantĒ (lighter, no cramps, no bloating) which makes me anxious. But since AF hasnít arrived yet, Iím also feeling positive. I keep reminding myself it could just be the progesterone... but the last 2 times on progesterone my period arrived anyway... so my brain keeps going round and round in circles...hopeful... worried... hopeful... worried... I feel like a crazy person.

For most of the day, I felt pretty normal ...no major symptoms apart from a little cramping while on the plane this evening and feeling full/bloated after dinner (more than is justifiable given the quantity of food).

So right now, Iím in a hopeful mood. But with that hope comes a new set of anxieties ... Iím now worried that if I am pregnant, will we hear a heartbeat, will the babies be healthy? Itís seriously crazy as I donít even know if Iím pregnant yet. 😱🙈 Having read so many diaries and statistics, I know that miscarriage is a very real possibility. And I know that at my age, very few of the embies are genetically normal. I just have to hope that if these are strong enough to stick, that they will be healthy ones.

Work has been really tough to stay motivated in - not good as I know people in the office have noticed. So I need to find my enthusiasm and motivation again. Hoping to find a new role but itís sounding like it could take another 12 months and I totally donít feel like I can do this role for another 12 months. But I equally donít want to leave the company right now given we want to have a baby (or two if itís twins 😅).

So two more days to go before test day! DH has set his mind that we will test at home first before I go for the blood test as he has to work in the morning. As Iím landing close to midnight the day before, Iíve tasked him to go buy the FRER as I donít trust myself to buy it as it will be calling out to me each day! 😂

DH is also taking off to Phuket for a boys trip on the same day so hope he can go with some positive news to take with him. We have this tendency of getting bad news when travelling or being apart ... e.g. DH found out about his azoospermia just a couple of days before I had to go to Vietnam for work. He also found out he had low inhibin B levels (which were supposed to indicate if there was any chance of finding sperm in a mTESE) while we were in the plane about to take off somewhere...Anyway itís about time we broke this craziness and had some good news before a flight!

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    Offline Lanee

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    ICSI Cycle #6 (BFN, 1 PGD normal frostie), onto ICSI #7
    « Reply #71 on: 8/11/18, 17:27 »
    12dp3dt (Thurs)


    Canít believe tomorrow is my real OTD ... except Iím in Thailand so it will be Saturday instead. But either way, I have finally made it pretty much to the end of my 2WW! Whoopee... still no AF but I did have a major scare today as had some major back soreness and some cramping that really made me feel like AF was about to arrive.


    Had a really emotional day - as Iíve been sharing in previous posts, my current boss has been really hard to get along with and has been really trying to put me down. So I called my old boss who is still with the company and asked for his advice. He was so sweet and had such great advice. At the same time, he also confirmed my worst fears that my current boss is not on my side and he even shared some of the negative feedback that my new boss told him about (which is totally weird...  itís like the new boss is fishing for negative comments about me). So I felt totally down and worried and sad about the whole situation and just burst into tears after the chat. Especially as the contrast when speaking to my old boss and remembering how supportive he was of me just amplified how bad my current situation is. But the advice was great - I need to regroup and really make an effort to turn things around.


    For the rest of the day, I was in research groups listening to what people had to say about a new idea I have been working on for several months now. The feedback was really lukewarm ... really tough to take and I think this made me stressed too. And the location of the research groups had a bad chemical smell and was freezing cold. So I think the whole combination gave me a sore back and crampy feelings! Hope the twinnies are ok and survived the bad fumes! I have to go back there tomorrow :(


    But flying back home tomorrow too so really looking forward to that. 2 sleeps to go to hopefully a bfp  ^pray^  . really hope it is good news as hubby really canít take any more bad news ... he just found out his dad has prostrate cancer and is really stressed about it :(  Canít believe I made it without POAS!  ;D



    Offline Lanee

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    13dp3dt (Fri)

    Iím on the flight on my way back home and canít believe Iím going to find out tomorrow if Iím pregnant or not. Iím feeling so hopeful but at the same time scared. Iím actually really glad we held out longer to test as Iím hoping there wonít be any issues with a false negative/positive that I feel we just wouldnít be able to handle emotionally. At the same time, I really canít believe we made it this far without caving in!

    I had some really positive news though today. My frozen embryo from this cycle has also tested genetically normal. That is such a relief! I was so excited to see the email from the nursing team. It means I have 2 genetically normal embryos frozen now so feeling positive that at least something good came out of this cycle no matter what happens tomorrow.

    I didnít manage to sleep much last night so feeling exhausted. Off to bed for me so that I can wake up and do this test!! 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

    Offline Lanee

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    14dp3dt

    Omg!!!! I canít believe this - itís a BFP!!!!! I couldnít sleep all night and woke up around 6am to POAS. And pretty quickly that extra line came up but was faint. So I waited the full 2 minutes and itís a strong line! I canít believe it and it hasnít hit me yet. Hubby is so sure there must be 2 😅 Iím just worried already about whether it will really stick and be a healthy baby/babies.

    Off to have the blood test this morning - very tired but feeling relieved to know I can get this far.


    Offline Lanee

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    4 weeks & 3 days pregnant 😆


    What a day! It still hasnít sunk in that Iím pregnant! My beta (14dp3dt) is 661IU/L and my progesterone was high at 288nmol/L. Really happy with my beta ... Iím travelling again for work tomorrow so wonít be able to repeat it in 2 days to see if itís increased but hopefully I can do another test when Iím back next Friday.


    Honestly, I thought Iíd feel even more excited/emotional with the news ... I guess Iím feeling anxious about next steps as I feel like Iím heading into the unknown. I had not dared to even think about what would happen if I fall pregnant. Do I need to find a new doctor? How will I schedule my scan since Iím in a different country now from my IVF clinic? It feels a little overwhelming and of course, Iím anxious to see if the baby...or babies (as DH keeps telling me he thinks itís twins 😅) are healthy.


    DH really needed the good news and I feel it hasnít hit him fully either. Perhaps it will really hit us when we hear the heartbeat as it will feel more real then.


    Grow my little twinnies ... so excited to have you guys on board!

    Offline Lanee

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    Hi Cosmo, I wasnít able to reply as your inbox is full so thought Iíd post here hoping you will see it.

    Thanks so much for your well wishes! I had a 3 day transfer (against my doctorís advice) with a 9A and 8B.

    The reason I requested a 3day transfer is that during my first 5 cycles, I only ever had one blast make it to day 5 and it PGD tested abnormal so I never made it to transfer after 5 cycles. The last 2 cycles though I managed to have 1 normal blast frozen each cycle. I also transferred a day 5 3AA blast for my 6th cycle and that didnít stick so thatís why I requested a 3day transfer this time just to try something different.

    Hopefully it all goes smoothly as I still have a few weeks before my first scan.. Hope that helps! :)

    Offline Lanee

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    4 weeks + 6 days

    Iíve been travelling for work this week again, this time in Japan. Boy, these twinnies are going to be well travelled before they pop out. They have already been in 4 countries ... just hope they will be ok and the travel wonít impact them.

    Canít believe tomorrow I will be 5 weeks pregnant! Itís still feeling surreal and there is still an element of doubt until we have our first scan. My FS called yesterday to congratulate us and asked for us to organise our first scan at the end of November so we will try and book it in for the 29th November. Iím really excited about the scan ... I really want to find out if 1) they are twins and 2) want to ensure they have a strong heartbeat. Of course, Iím a little apprehensive too about whether or not everything will be ok.

    We are both so excited overall though...both DH and I bought a little stuffed toy for the twinnies already. I saw a really cute puppy thatís so soft and squishy and DH saw a cute little teddy bear. And neither of us could resist buying it! Hehehe...hope we donít jinx ourselves but Iím also really letting us enjoy it.

    Symptoms wise, Iíve been doing less symptom spotting but I do have a really annoyingly very very itchy nipple (sorry if thatís TMI) ... itís just Iíve never felt such an unbearable itch! I still get a weird cramping/pain in my lower abs and my stomach is still big and bloated and Iíve noticed my boobs feel heavier and are now sore to touch.

    I know it can be so hard for those of you who are in the process of trying to read about a bfp. I really didnít think we would get to this stage after so many failed cycles but Iím really hoping these twinnies stick and are healthy and that my experience can give someone else some hope. I do plan to also post soon on what changes I think helped for our last 2 cycles since we had a better result ...hoping that it may help someone else too.

    Offline Lanee

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    5weeks + 1

    I really canít wait to tell my family that Iím pregnant but am trying to wait until after our first scan. It just feels like it will make this pregnancy more real as right now it still hasnít fully sunk in yet.

    Even though my FS didnít request it, Iím thinking to do another beta on Saturday (exactly 1 week after my first one) - I just need reassurance that things are progressing in the right direction as we still have 2 weeks to go before our scan. DH of course is totally opposed to this (he did make me wait until 14dp3dt to POAS 😂😅 and now he just wants to wait for the scan.)

    Overall, am still feeling pretty good. Iíve been trying to eat healthier (which for me still involves eating chocolate and sweets 😂just not as much as I usually do). I notice I feel a tiny bit nauseous if I get hungry. And my boobs have definitely grown in size and feel a little sore to touch.

    Iím really happy that Iím back home now post my work trip. Overall it wasnít a particularly stressful trip and all the meetings went well - the nice part of having my boss there is he has to tackle all the tough conversations so Iím let off the hook. And my boss loves the sound of his own voice.😬😅But I did find out that he had received feedback from our President on something I have been working on for months and was told to shut it down and come up with another solution. Iím frustrated because he has never said anything to me and now itís going to be a major scramble to change the direction and still meet the timelines we needed to meet. If he had of told me, I could have developed an alternative plan months ago. But Iím trying not to stress about it.

    I met with another previous boss while in Japan (she moved there in February and is still with the same company) and she suggested I try and change roles ASAP. Iím in 2 minds about this - the reasons I donít want to change roles are: we are going to have the twinnies so it is not great timing to change roles. And at the moment, there arenít any roles where I am currently based. There might be an opportunity in another country but do I really want to  move there and potentially give birth there? And poor DH has a great bunch of friends I donít want to move him.

    On the other hand, Iím totally frustrated in my current role and I donít think this new boss will ever be a big supporter of mine. Iím also not learning anything anymore.

    Will just have to see what roles pan out in the upcoming months. Meanwhile, I think this pregnancy is making me exhausted! Off to bed!

    Offline Lanee

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    5wks + 4

    I thought that after the 2WW things would get easier but it just feels like more waiting and waiting ... Iím counting down to my first scan and itís hard to feel ďpregnantĒ when Iím not sure if I will hear a heartbeat at that first scan. I know I shouldnít complain given I am lucky enough to have a bfp but I have just been feeling really strange and mixed. I thought Iíd be far more excited each day but instead I just worry about so many things. Reading other diaries and fertility forums also brings on anxiety about miscarriages and worry about whether I have a healthy baby or not. My FS did suggest I do the NIPT at 10 weeks which would be on the 20th December to check for any chromosome issues. Itís a scary thought and I think only after that will I feel more confident about the pregnancy.

    Iím also worried because with the uncertainty of my job, I donít even know where I plan to give birth either. So Iím also unsure what additional health insurance to purchase for the pregnancy 😬 and I havenít started to find a doctor to look after me throughout the pregnancy.

    So thatís all the anxiety swirling around in my head. DH won the battle and I didnít go for another blood test yesterday so not sure how my HCG levels are going. But we did compromise and I bought one of those Clearblue digital tests that also indicates how far along you are. It was a nice positive relief to see ďpregnantĒ show up pretty quickly and then the ď3+Ē conception indicator show up to indicate that Iím 5+ weeks pregnant. So Iím hoping thatís a positive sign things are on track.

    My scan is locked in for Thursday 29th November - planning to take the day off work to either bask in happiness or cry my eyes out depending on how things go. Iím sorry I sound like such a pessimist right now. I really feel that going through several cycles of IVF makes you never assume that things will go smoothly. Itís like we are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop because it always has done in the past. I really hope it all goes well but I donít ever assume anymore that things will be easy and smooth sailing. 😬 I need to remind myself to enjoy each moment along the way.

    In terms of pregnancy symptoms, the main one has been crazy fatigue... Iíve never felt anything like it! Yesterday, I literally slept all day except for when it was time to eat. Today, I forced myself to be a little more active but I certainly didnít get my list for things to do completed. Anyway, itís off to bed for me.

    But before I go ... one random thought: I must confess I donít feel like I have twins inside, Iím pretty certain itís a singleton but DH is convinced they are twins ... we will have to wait and see but honestly, Iím just hoping for a healthy baby (of course, two healthy ones would make me happy too).

    Offline Lanee

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    What changes do I think helped with my BFP?

    Ok, as promised, here are the things I felt helped with the last 2 cycles to have better egg quality:

    1. I found a good acupuncturist - She told me upfront that acupuncture doesnít give you better quality eggs or more eggs but it can balance out your body and I believe this definitely helped. For this last cycle I didnít do any acupuncture once I arrived in Oz so I didnít do it pre and post transfer. For acupuncture to have an impact it needs to be a longer term approach so I had about 6 sessions during Cycle 6 and another 10 sessions during Cycle 7 (this latest cycle). 
    2. I took chicken essence or essence of chicken soup every day. Itís basically a nutritious soup where chicken is boiled down to the "essence". I can easily purchase this pre-made where I live and I am certain this helped me. I drank a small bowl every morning on an empty stomach. The brand I bought is called Tian Yuan Xiang.
    3. I consciously ate more protein - trying to incorporate it in every meal and had eggs fairly regularly too (3/4 times a week)

    In terms of the vitamins, Iíd been taking them all for around 2 years so while they may have helped contribute, I donít think it was the vitamins that made the difference for me. But for reference, here are the vitamins I was on
    - Blackmores Pre-conceive Gold
    - Ubiquinol (300mg in the morning + 100mg at night, occasionally in this last cycle I took 300mg at night too)
    - Melatonin 3mg
    - Blackmores Omega 3 double strength
    - Vitamin C 250mg (just a kids one because I liked the taste)
    - Rainbow Light Vitamin D 2000ug

    In terms of my last 2 cycles, they were not too different from any previous ones being long cycles (agonist, with Synarel). In fact this cycle #7 was the same dosage of Gonal F as I have had before so no difference from a previous failed cycle. But I did increase the trigger from a half trigger of Ovidrel to a slightly higher (didnít tell my FS though 😅).

    The last critical factor is we used a different batch of frozen sperm. While on paper the results of the sperm sample are similar to previous cycles, perhaps it was just a better batch as we did request our donor to provide more samples again this year (after we had used up all the samples from his first donation last year with the first 5 failed cycles).

    In terms of a couple of different things that I did for this latest cycle 7 vs cycle 6 which I think are interesting to share too:

    - For the 2WW, I was super busy so I definitely didnít rest this cycle. I tried not to do anything strenuous but was at a wedding the day after transfer and took an 8h flight 4dpt3dt so that reassured me that resting doesnít necessarily help (vs cycle 6 where I bummed around the house for a week but got a BFN).

    - I ate Brazil nuts both cycle 6 & 7 but was probably more consistent on cycle 7 eating 3-4 each day.

    - I did do visualisations during the last few days of stimming and throughout the 2WW for cycle 7. Iíd definitely recommend trying this as at worst it made me feel positive and less stressed and at best, perhaps it really did help the cycle. I have a friend that works for a baby products company and their scientific director told her to visualise having a baby - imagine how you feel, what the baby smells like, carrying it, what sounds the baby will make etc. Apparently there are some chemical shifts in the body based on your brain thinking about these things. So I did this whenever I remembered or as I was lying in bed to fall asleep and it always brought a smile to my face. I also imagined the baby growing inside me, seeing a positive ultrasound result and anything else that just came in my mind about how I thought a bfp experience might be.


    So there you have it... Iím 6 weeks pregnant today so still early days and counting down to my first scan (time is seriously progressing so slowly). But regardless of the outcome of the scan, for these last 2 cycles I finally managed to get a genetically normal embryo frozen each time so I definitely feel the above helped. Hope it helps someone else too!