Carpe ovum (seize the egg) - sibling journey (ICSI cycle 2 w/ PGS = baby boy!)

[Liz3511]

13+2 today. Time appears to have ground to a halt 

I hope that you have a good / gentle Easter to anyone reading xx

[FertilityFriends]

[Liz3511]

Just checking in - 14 weeks today. Scan booked for Saturday to see if all okay.

[Liz3511]

Saturday's scan was okay, now worrying about this week's scan (Sunday).

15 weeks today. Think P is getting a bit fed up of me worrying about miscarriage. I'm hoping that if we get to the point of viability, things might feel a little bit more secure!

[Liz3511]

We just found the heartbeat on P's trusty office doppler (which has spent more time at home than in his office over the years).

So bloody relieved. 168 beats per minutes and galloping like a horse. Knowing that I can check in every so often and put a lid on the anxiety slightly does really help. I keep expecting everything to just crash down any moment.

[Liz3511]

16 weeks and 3-ish days today (by transfer; by scan I am a day or two ahead).

The scan last week went well - bladder and stomach visualised, brain structure looking good with all the gross anatomy where it should be and ventricles appropriately sized. Measurements now taken based on head circumference, femur length etc. which is much more interesting than crown-rump length.

The other anatomy visualised on the scan indicated that baby is likely to be a little boy. Which is amazing but bloody terrifying because I can feel myself (and P) getting so attached to him already.

7 weeks and 3 days until potential viability. 52 days. Feels like a world away but at the same time I can't believe that we have got as far through as this already.

[Liz3511]

17 weeks and 2ish days pregnant today. 6 weeks and 5 days til potential viability.

Have a private cervical length scan today as the hospital initially proposed these and then cancelled them because they decided they weren't needed. Way to make a person paranoid! Am hoping for a nice long, shut cervix.

I always have a lot of pressure and abdominal pain but this may be due to endometriosis or, more likely, my IBS which goes haywire during pregnancy. It's terrifying because all the 'signs' of prem labour (other than bleeding and waters breaking, thank goodness) I have on a daily basis so no way of telling what's going on in there. From my births, I know that I dilate extremely precipitously, so by the time I noticed something it would be too late.

Midwife on Monday so hoping she will approve my request to move my consultant-led antenatal care to a hospital near my work. Unlike my district hospital, it has a wonderful paediatric department (actually a whole children's hospital attached!) and the obs/gynae team are the experts that I'd be referred to by my district hospital if something was spotted.

Assuming we get to that date, '20 week' scan is on the 28th. I should be 18+6 or so. Last time with J the sonographer terrified me by finding a tiny amount of fluid around his heart ... it was purely incidental and he was fine, but I spent several weeks panicking about pericardial effusion etc. This is the same sonographer who estimated J's weight to be 4lb 3oz the day before he was born at 6lb 6oz. So, I'm not particularly keen to encounter the person again, another reason why I'm looking to move...

[Liz3511]

Just to update that cervix is about 38-40mm and completely shut at the moment. I will try to get another cervical length measurement done at around 20 weeks to check for any change. We also checked that the placenta was a good distance from the cervix, and it is. The sonographer had previously done some of my scans for my IVF with Serum so nice to encounter her in a different context! Head circumference was measuring approx 18 weeks, so still seems to be growing.

Feeling what might be movement on and off, but can't be sure. It's very much to the far left or the far right, which I suppose makes sense with an anterior placenta.

A weekend of marking lots and lots of assignments, and going to the loo approximately every 5 minutes. I am surprised that my existing children have not guessed, but perhaps they have and are keeping it quiet (I mean the 10-year-old, I don't think that her 6-year-old brother has any clue). If we can get to that point, planning to tell them at about 24 weeks. And then would have to think about telling my parents - gulp! Not sure how it would go down. Still, one step at a time.

[Liz3511]

'20 week' (actually 19 week) scan tomorrow. Really hoping all is okay. I probably know a disproportionate number of people who have had bad news at this scan but it's still pretty scary. I think heart structure is what I'm most worried about but I'll pretty much find anything to get stressed over at this point.

Good job I have so much marking to do to take my mind off things

Will update xx

[Liz3511]

Scan all clear, as far as she could see. Still seems to definitely be a boy.

DH has insisted that we tell the children about the pregnancy and they are relatively excited. I'm finding their optimism quite hard to deal with as DH knows to keep a lid on his feelings that this will likely be okay ... but the kids don't, and I can't squash or alarm them by reacting as I would with him. Quite hard to navigate this.

[Liz3511]

Follow up cervical scan today and it was at least as long, if not longer, than last time. So I am quietly reassured and ticking off the days until potential viability, which does seem closer than it was - 27 days to go (I am 20+1 today I think).

In other news ... still marking! The kids had a very boring half term because they were generally with me, and I was mostly glued to our online marking portal. I have tried to make up for it today by spending my lunch-hour booking exciting activities for them for over the summer so I hope they will be pleased. Eye-wateringly expensive but childhood is short and my kids are very good at entertaining themselves for the most part - time that they got the chance to really let their hair down!

My older two are going to Brownie camp this weekend - I already know that their little brother will be bored without them. I know this may change when they're teenagers, but at the moment they really do get on extremely well and although there is the odd squabble, ultimately it's them against the world.