Michelle Obama and Others

[staceysm]

Hi,

I agree totally with the posts.  It is certainly down to the individual.  I do wonder though whether Rachel Weiss had DE, as she conceived at 48 years of age a baby girl.  I just think that knowing, could give others hope.  Especially if they are unsure about using DE.

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[FertilityFriends]

[Lily0750]

I think Rachel Weiss or Janet Jackson have got enough money to pay doctors to search for the last golden eggs.

[TierraFirma]

Lily  best thing I’ve read in ages. Celebrities often forget the struggle of people with regular money who can’t buy up the worlds supply of youthful eggs haha

[Efi78]

Haha. So true. I m sure that for Rachel Weiss or Janet Jackson the whole embryology team must have focused on finding the right egg and the right sperm.

[Efi78]

I appreciate that Michelle Obama talked about her IVF struggles. However, she is still very lucky because it worked for her. Twice. So please don’t go out and talk about struggling when there are women like me who have multiple miscarriages and multiple failed IVFs. Because quite frankly I wish I were in her place. She talks about it as if IVF always works, while the truth is that most of the times it doesn’t.

Each to their own I guess. I prefer to keep my struggles to myself and only  discuss with my partner. He is the only one who understands me

[IceAndFire]

Efi, I agree with you. It sounds this way in the interview but maybe there are more details in the book regarding that. The message for now it’s clear for me - ivf it’s easy, it always works and you can always do ivf if you have a problem with ttc.
It’s very difficult to find someone who understands because unless you went through something similar or worse then you will not understand and that’s ok. I would never say to anyone going through multiple miscarriages or after having a stillborn that I understand because I don’t. I can have a compassion, respect and acknowledgement of their struggles but I don’t understand it.
I pointed out this once to my therapist and said that people just don’t understand. I wondered if there is a point in sharing it if no one I know in my life went through something like that and she said that the job of a therapist would be pointless if that would be the case  because most of therapists never went through the tings that the patients went through and yet they can listen and help.
I guess not everything is black and white and I think it all depends on the person. And as much as the “I understand” coming from people having no clue what they are talking about makes me mad I still think most of the people want good for you and they just don’t know what to say.
I was one of them- naive and ignorant and optimistic Now I know what I know but how they should know if we don’t talk about it?

[Efi78]

Hi IceandFire. I agree with you that they want good and they just don’t know what to say. And that’s the reson why I don’t discuss because no matter what they will upset me. They may have good intentions but quite frankly I have no interest in explaining to them how it is. I‘d rather keep to myself.

Not even my mum understands. I have ended up limiting completely contact with her because she just doesn’t get it. She still tried to fond put what is wrong with me and doesn’t have a clie there might be a male factor.

Just an example of what she has told me all those years:

1) you are not like me. I would conceive within theee months
2) do IVF to get over with it (meaning that IVF always works)
3) after the first miscarriage: you are too sensitive. I lost three. Well...i didn’t exactly „lost“ the chiöd. I had an abortion because it ws poorly.

The list goes on thus I feel that I am better off alone and talking to fertilityfirends. Friends and family just can’t understand. They mean only good but they don’t help.

[hkd]

Hi,

I agree with you, Efi78,

Fertilityfriends is my comfortable zone too.  Friends and family and society can't understand unless they went through difficult journey like us.

My mom is concerned my well being and sorry to see what I've been going through, but she told me that she would never understand how I am feeling because she had never experienced.

[magicpillow]

Efi I'm sorry your mum has been like that.  I don't tell mine much either apart from the factual things in terms of treatment plans.  Over the years her responses to me have been things like 'well if it wasn't for my hubby's issue (azoospermia), it might have happened quickly'!  She's also said that maybe if I'd met my husband earlier and known about the problems sooner it might have given us more time etc.  She also says about how it's hard for her as all her friends talk about their grandchildren all the time or people ask her how many grandchildren she has (I'm the only hope of a grandchild).  She also puts pressure on me to make sure I'm in 'tip top condition' physically for treatment (i.e hinting at me to lose weight).

In terms of Michelle Obama, I can totally see what people are saying on both sides of this.  I like that it's being mentioned more as I hate that the whole thing is a taboo subject but you're right that it does make it sound like you just do IVF and it works.  People think all you need to do is just rock up to a clinic, have an embryo transferred and bingo.  I'm quite open about our struggles as I want to kind of spread the word that it's not easy for everyone and not everyone can just decide they want kids and then go ahead and have them.  Much of the time now though, I don't like to talk to groups of friends about how things are in terms of how I'm feeling as I worry about getting insensitive comments as people don't get it.  Those comments are normally things like if we've thought about adoption, at least we can make the most of holidays and lay ins or even just 'I'm sure it'll work out'.  Errrr no!

[staceysm]

Efi78,  I am actually speechless at what your mum has said to you.  I just can’t believe that someone could be so insensitive.

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