* Author Topic: Life with Biggles diary and everyone and everything else! 😉😂  (Read 12817 times)

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Offline jdm4tth3ws

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I have made the switch to formula.

My head is in a really bad place, I broke down in front of the midwife due to the issues with prep in the theatre and she has ramped it up (with permission)with the advocate and she has taken it to her matron. The advocate is coming out to my home today to take notes and then I will be offered a debriefing with the hospital who will say it's all in my head and to get over it. Been there, done that.

So today/yesterday my nipples were.cracked, sore and bleeding. I had pain in my abdomen and generally felt  like a bag of [email protected] Putting Biggles on as absolute torture and I just thought I've had enough! Sent DH to the shop and bought formula. Fed Biggles formula and he didn't have another bottle for 4 hours. Breast was 1-2 hours. And it ws an absolute relief. So now, I have 3 days of engorgement which I shall take super duper pain killers (codydramol) And have either green cabbage leaves or cold compresses in my bra.

With everything going on physically and mentally, breastfeeding is a step too far. In the first few weeks it's a hard journey and you have to be physically and emotionally strong to get through some of the harder days. I'm not that person at the moment. It doesn't change the way I feel about Biggles,he is my absolute miracle and I love every inch of him. I just can't feed him naturally anymore.

I had to take the dressing off on day 5. We hadn't got a shower which helps so th went out and bought 1 that goes over the taps. It's fabulous! I was very frightened doing it and got him to stay in the room with me the whole time. Actually it came off easier than I expected under the shower head. I still had jelly legs and was trembling afterwards with shock I think. I wasn't cold. Because of my issues, th asked if he could drape my dressing gown round me as he knows, I don't want to be physically touched by anybody. He feels absolutely helpless and useless to help me. Can't comfort me because I don't want to be touched by him or anyone else. I'm okay with the kids obviously, they don't feel like a threat to me. Everyone else feels like a threat. Brain is in fight or flight mode and I've picked flight atm. Maybe I will get strong enough at some point to pick fight. Who knows?

But Biggles is perfect in every way. I was shocked when DH found photos of my other kids as newborns and Biggles is the spitting image of 3 out 4 of the kids. My 11 yr old has always looked like DH, right from birth, but all the others took on my genes. I must admit epigenetics is a wonderful thing. I don't understand it fully, probably never will, but it's either excellent matching on Penny's part or epigenetics has stepped in and I've turned off and on the cells that wouldn't have occurred if he had gone in another womb. It's truly amazing!!!

I feel cheated slightly. It feels wrong to say he was born,because in my mind he wasn't. I didn't get to the finishing line, he was removed from my body and then he was here. So he just arrived. Yes, my head is proper messed up. It isn't post natal depression at all, it's just the circumstances surrounding his "birth". It doesn't detract from how much I love him, how possessive I am over him 🤣 how much I protect him, just took the shine off his arrival a little I think. But I am so proud of him.

He was weighed. He had only lost 3.3 % of his birthweight which is good for breast fed babies. Midwives start to get concerned at 10% or above, so it was good. He should start piling it on now he's on formula. I don't honestly care that much where the milk comes from as long as it comes from somewhere and he thrives. My eldest 2 were bottle fed and they were fine. 3rd was combi as he didn't like either particularly and was on solids (with HV recommendations at 4 months) he refused either of the milk. He's fine. My youngest was ebf for 4 months and combi until 6 months when my milk dried up and then formula and solids. He's fine. Biggles will be too, of that, I have no doubts. Just glad that option is there.

Prefolds and terries are going well  he actually feels like he has a bottom. Disposables are just awful 😂 hang off him. First time user of cloth and I really wish I had done it with the others, but you can't do anything if you don't know about them.

Right he's beginning to stir, so I need to get a bottle sorted. Shall pop back soon.

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    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    « Reply #1 on: 6/02/19, 15:19 »
    Appts from the health visiting services c9me through today 🤔

    So I rang them and declined. The poor woman on the other end kept saying Oh! Oh! Oh!. So you don't want our health visitor to visit your home and introduce herself. Nope. I don't want the health visiting service at all thanks. But, everyone has us. Well not me, she asked why. And I responded it's my 5th baby and health visitors are not compulsary. But what if you need support or have concerns, well I'll go to the doctors or whichever agency I need. Well you have vaccinations appt with us on 20th March. Bearing in mind, I may not have decided what I was doing regarding vaccinations. So I said you can cancel that as I'll have them done at the doctors thanks. All my kids have been vaccinated. Just not through the health service. Again Oh! So can I have your telephone number. I asked why? She said we need to get in touch for his 1 year and 2.5 year check. I said no. As rhat will be the health visitors getting involved in my family life and I don't want or need it thanks. Oh! If I have concerns, i will get in touch with the relevant people. Oh! So you really don't want the health visitors around. No I don't. Right I shall process your decision I said fair enough. Bye.

    I'm now (maybe paranoid) expecting a social services visit. How sad is that? Good job my house is in order.

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    « Reply #2 on: 8/02/19, 14:38 »
    So Biggles is 8 days old and midwife has been. He hasn't gained any weight yet, but neither has he lost any weight. So with my permission, she is coming back next Friday for a final weigh in.

    She s checked my wound and it's infection free. Agreed on 2 more days dehydration and major pain killers. No stimulation to nipple and cool shower head on blocked ducts. 2 more days and I should be back to normal breast wise.

    C section. I feel fine. I've done a couple of loads of washing and I'm feeling stronger now. Would love to drive but I'm not allowed. So contented myself with doing an online food shop. Exciting times 🤣

    Better go, Biggles is stirring.

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    « Reply #3 on: 9/02/19, 14:42 »
    So slowly getting into a routine.

    Nappies washed nd drying, bottles washed and sterilized. Baby clean and dressed.for the day.

    Boobs are get4ing better slowly. Still on pain killers and dehydrating myself. With midwife advise and  guidance.

    Parts of the tummy is still numb. But that's normal as well. Scar is healing nicely. Moving around a lot better albeit slower than usual. Still have to be careful getting up and down but I suppose im only 9 days post cesearean so not doing too bad.

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    « Reply #4 on: 10/02/19, 19:05 »

    Lovely day today. Got up, washed and sterilized bottles, washed the nappies and wraps. Cuddled Biggles. Cleaned up slightly. DH did most of it. Then we needed bread so I invited the kids along to goto the park afterwards.

    Managed to push the buggy down the hill, all the way to the shop, up the first slant of the hill tothe park and then the second slant became too much for me. 11 yr old was walking with me, so I asked him to push the baby up the remainder to home. He looked as proud as punch to be pushing Biggles.

    There were kids on the park today. About 10/11 yrs old. I was absolutely disgusted with sheer aggression they displayed towards each other and the foul language 😱. I could only stay there listening to it for about 10-15 mins, and Then I'd had enough. My kids polar opposites. Quite happily playing tag with their dad. No foul language, no aggression and looked very innocent in comparison. I have said when we go to the park again,  we shall goon the weekdays when the regular kids are at school. I can't be doing with regular kids, seriously they're horrible.
    One kept using a scooter and scooting past my pram and missing the hood with the handle by about an inch. No matter how close I pull3d the pram in. But I shall be going park as it is helping to aid my recovery.

    Now just drying the nappies I'm so glad Biggles is on formula. Day 5 of dehydration and major pain killers and I feel almost normal. Boob pain is at a minimum and I only occasionally catch my c sec scar wrong. I almost fell like me again. Phew!

    Both kids adore Biggles. Eldest still hasn't been down to meet him, but I'm sure he will at some point. Maybe 🤣

    Biggles is wonderful. Now he's on formula, he's not a stressy bessy any more. No cluster feeding and getting upset. He drinks 3-4 is every 3.5 hrs.  In between he sleeps for about an hour and a half. Bedtime, he feeds, gets bum changed and sleeps for 3-4 hrs afterwards. Still has 3 feeds feom 10 pm onwards throughout the night,but it's not stressful and im not feeling as tired as I was. He is absolutely lovely, both of us can't believe we have been this lucky.

    At 46, I am the proud mum of 5 boys. Eldest being 25 (26 soon R.I.P) , 22 (soon to be 23) 11, 8 nd 10 days old. And what I have noticed is that as an older mum, I am so much more patient when littlest is getting a little upset if it's taking too long for the milk to cool down. I just cuddle him in closer and kiss his hair and head (not lips, ever) and talk quietly to him. She the others were babies, when they got stressy, I joined rhem. There is a lot to be said about being a mature mother. So chilled with him.

    I can honestly say he is so absolutely adored by every One in this household. Kids love him. Mum loves him. Me and DH absolutely heads over heels love him. I don't think I will ever stop being grateful to Penny and Serum.

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    « Reply #5 on: 14/02/19, 09:34 »
    Health visiting service is really grinding me down. As I've always said right through the pregnancy, I will be declining. A midwife said she would ring them for me, clearly she didn't.  ^bigbad^

    Then when Biggles was born, the appts came through and I rang "The Hub" and declined, last week.

    Yesterday was the day for the supposed initial meet, so the health visitor rang me to say she was on her way. WTAF!!!! And to add insult to injury, it was the previous health visitor who forced me to put my 8 yr old in nursery as he had what she called "Cling issues and separation anxiety" so a kid has these issues and a health visitor thinks that separating him from the one person he wants to be with is going to help.?!?!?!?Obviously it didn't! And the only things that helped was time and development of maturity. Obviously me always being available for him. Trust. Attachment. Love bombing. Making him feel secure. Not bunging him in bl00dy nursery  ^bigbad^

    So yesterday -  I said I dont understand why you're ringing me when I declined the health visiting service last week to the receptionist. She said why would you do that and what did you call your baby? So I said his first name through gritted teeth and said because it's my 5th baby and I know what I'm doing? She said how big was he? So I said why? She said cos you just said he was a big baby. So I replied no, I said 5th baby, I don't have big babies. Then she said well I thought we got on? And I said it isn't a case of whether we get on or not, (feelings are so NOT mutual, but didn't say that) it's a case of he's number 5 and I don't need your input thanks. So then she said, I was looking forward to meeting your new baby. I said im sure you'll get over it, what do I have to do to decline this flipping service. She then said I had to put it in writing to her boss. Got the name and address and have written, took a copy and posted the letter. Hopefully it will arrive in the next couple of days.

    She also said that their workload isn't that bad and really wanted to see us. And I was like, with respect, i dont want or NEED to see you. She said what about the 6-8 week check up and vaccinations. And I said my GP can do them, I've already checked, so there is really no need for you to bother coming out. Just be glad it's one less family on your list. Oh the workload isn't too bad anymore she said. So I said well it's even better now as I have made my feelings quite clear to anyone who would listen, I don't want health visitors involved, thank you. Have a good day. Bye. And put the phone down 😂 They absolutely make my blood boil!!!

    Bunch a do-gooders, do it by the book and think they know better than the parents. And yes, they're good for first time mum's who maybe haven't had any previous experience with babies (childminding, babysitting) but I'm an old hand at this. Plus, the one that obviously got assigned to me is a stuck up busybody who always thinks she knows best (I know pot, kettle 😂) but she would see my home educated boys and make waves for me. Ooh, they should be in school etc, etc. 1 child would end up killing himself if I put him back in school, the other wouldn't cope with the various rules and regulations that school brings. He would cope socially, when they're allowed to socialise (break times) but he wouldn't cope with any other aspect of school. So I'm afraid, health visitors and home educating families do not make comfortable bed fellows. And it isn't like I don't know what I'm doing. Cos I do. Biggles is happy, healthy, I have no concerns.

    The midwife is coming Friday to weigh him again and discharge me. On that score, I do hope he's put a bit of weight on. I can't tell as he's on me so much. He's asleep on my chest as I'm typing this. So he always attached in some way and I can't tell if he's put weight on or not. I assume so, as we're having to move out of early baby babygros and move on to newborn, which are slightly big in the arms, but nice and loose on his legs and feet.

    He's taking 3.5 ounces of formula every 3 hrs. Doesn't sick up much at all. From 7pm though, he narrows the timescale between feeds until we go to bed at 10pm. Then he's 3-4 hrs throughout the night. So I think he's taking enough to put weight on.

    The midwife is lovely. Such a shame she s discharging me. She has loads of friends that home educate and she understands the terminology of unschooling and doesn't judge at all. Unlike the prissy, jumped up health visitor. She very much judges - I remember that from the 8 yr olds babyhood. And She p*&^ off as well!!!

    Hopefully now the letter has been sent, this will be the end of it. If not, the next time I get a call, I shall tell them I have been taking records of when they contacted me, even though I've made it quite clear, all the way down the line I'm opting out of the service and I shall be doing them for harassment.  ^bigbad^ ^bigbad^ Lets hope it doesn't come to that!

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    « Reply #6 on: 15/02/19, 17:51 »
    3 fluffing hours to set up and apply for universal credit ^bigbad^ ^bigbad^ ^bigbad^
    And you can only do it online, all well and good if you have an email address (which my husband didnt)so I've had to set up absolutely everything  ^bigbad^. 3+ hrs of my life I won't get back. Fluffing Nightmare. And the government says universal credit simplifies the benefit system. Er No, don't think it does. So now we have 5+weeks to wait for a payment of any kind, if we pass our interviews next week. Anyway, in other news -

    Midwife came today. Checked my scar. It looks nice and clean with no sign of infection so that's good. 1 area still has scabs on and she says it will take a couple of weeks to fall off. To be honest, I don't know what it looks like down there, as I don't like the kangaroo pouch I've been left with and I think that area (still a bit if a swollen tummy) looks pretty fluffing ugly now, if I'm honest. Certainly uglier than it looked before. So I've been discharged. Any problems, get in touch with GP. Told her the latest saga with health visitors. She s said if it carries on, once they have received the opt out letter, I'm to get in touch with PALS, as it's turning into harassment.

    Regarding Biggles -Yes he has finally started to put weight on. On day 5, he had lost 3 ounces if birthweight, so 7lb. Then last Friday, he was still 7lb. No loss , no gain, so I agreed to this weigh in today, 1 week later. I can now happily say he is 7lb12oz. So he's doing well. And midwife agreed with me that even bottle fed babies cluster feed. He goes 3 hrs between feeds in daylight hours but around 7pm, he narrows it down to 2 hrs and drains the bottle. Then again at 9pm. And then at 10pm (bedtime) he expects another feed. Throughout the night, he then goes between 3-4hrs between feeds. Hubby didn't believe me that bottle fed babies cluster feed. But I knew I was right.

    Its a shame I won't see her again. I got on with her and trusted her. And She let it drop out her 2 kids are ivf babies. She had to ask the contraception question, even though she laughed as she said my GP asks me about contraception even though my last ivf baby was 9 yrs ago. And there's never been a whiff of a pregnancy since. But still ..........😂


     

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    « Reply #7 on: 16/02/19, 06:51 »
    Biggles due date and his daddy's birthday! Biggles is already 16 days old.  And just slept 5 hours between feeds!

    No presents or cards for daddy because of money worries and I can't drive yet.

    Might get J, 8 yr old to bake a Victoria sponge for him.

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    « Reply #8 on: 18/02/19, 13:41 »
    Take a wild guess who ended up in hospital overnight, Saturday night. Due to me not having time to do my clexane or forgetting. They suspected pulmonary embolism (clot on the lung)but after 12 hours, they decided I have muscolurskeletal pain in my chest, not the symptoms of a heart attack on clot on the lung. I was allowed out at 9.30 am on the proviso I actually start taking the clexane. So I have done. Set alarms on my phone and I have promised I will slow down and start resting more. It's difficult, but I guess that's the way It has to be.

    Right, I'm going to make a cheese and ham sandwich as DH has disappeared again.

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    « Reply #9 on: 20/02/19, 05:06 »
    Monday afternoon. Registered Biggles at the doctors. Also, got an appt for Tuesday morning for myself and 11 yr old. All day Monday, coughing up sputum. 

    Tuesday. Areived. Went in. Chest infection from the tube down my throat during c section diagnosed. Antibiotics given. 11 yr old told to increase brown inhalers to 3 tines a day to try and sort his cough out. Altogether a good, productive appt.

    She also checked my tummy nd scar as I had said I was getting pain still. She was amazed at how flat my tummy is and said uterus is soft as it should be and the reason for the pain in the that area is a lot of stitching was done and those stitches are still pulling at this point. That makes sense. Now, I can cope with the ongoing pain, as I know what it is. Been off painkillers for 3 days now. Sock of taking them to be fair. So I shall just cope.

    You can see he is putting weight on. He now has the start of chubby, chipmunk cheeks. Legs and arms still look  bit like like chicken wings, but I'm sure the rest will fill out soon enough. He's now on 5oz of formula every 3-3.5 hrs in the day. 7pm-10pm he cluster feeds. And from 10.30 pm to 3.30/4am, he sleeps. I've had to actually wake him this morning to feed. He will then wake 3 hrly after this feed.

    He loves the big bath. Doesn't like the sink. Adores lying in the big bath with me. He literally lies there and floats. I push him around in the water and he stays in a good 15/20 minutes. Atm I don't put baby products on him at all. He looked well cute tonight when he came out the bath. We wrapped him in 8 yr olds Spider-Man towel/tabard with a hood.  Got a photo of that. Just well cute! Dried him down, dressed and cuddled him. Fed him and bed. Now he needs to wake up again to be winded 😍 not proving successful 😏 will let him rest for 15 mins and try again.

    So many hours fly by just holding him and being completely enthralled with the faces he pulls, or the way his fingers curl round my 1 finger. Not a second wasted ❤

    So, he's on weakened milk. Same as my other babies. His poor little stomach wasn't coping with the sheer thickness and was showing signs of constipation. So now, the same as my other kids he's on 6 oz of water to 5 oz of milk. Constipation has been sorted, he's now pooing easily and without pain. He is gaining weight and his feedtimes  are lengthening, especially overnight. No doubt I shall keep him on weakened milk until rhere is no need for formula at all. Just like I do with the others. Hasn't done them any harm over the years, so I can't see why it should harm Biggles.

    At first I wasn't very confident with him, been an 8 yr break from babies (not through a lack of trying) but now, all the skills and hacks are coming back to me and it's so wonderful. Confidence is soaring and I absolutely love being his mummy. Just the best feeling ever!

    Kids think he's wonderful. Always asking to hold him or help wind him. Haven't offered to change him though 😂. Think that might be a step too far. He doesn't cry much. Only if I get my timings slightly out, but I'm getting better at that. I really don't like a stressed out baby just before feed time as it makes for fractious feeding. So I try to time as near as possible. Relaxed baby, relaxed feed.

    Have been driving for a couple of days now. So much better. Not to have to rely on anybody else. Tummy might be tender in one area, however, the scar isn't. So I'm confident I would be able to do an emergency stop and not have it rip open. Anyway it's that low down (seriously)that my belt doesn't even sit on top of it. Belt is further up. They literally cut open across my pubic bone I have no idea why, or even if that's the normal place. But as the doctor says, you won't even be able to see my scar when the pubes have grown back. And even she said, "wow!that's low down!, I've never seen one that low down before" I assume it's normal. Who knows?

    If admins want to now move this diary across to parenting section, please feel free to do so, but can you send me a message to let me know.  Thank you. I feel ( for now at least 😉) my fertility journey is over. It could change. Knowing me 😂😂😂. Don't think the husband would be pleased though 😂😂😂

    Right, wind him, or try to as he's currently asleep on my belly. Wish me luck!!! 😂