* Author Topic: Life with Biggles diary and everyone and everything else! 😉😂  (Read 12769 times)

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Offline jdm4tth3ws

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So last week's 8 week post partum check was a wash out. They had originally booked me in for 10.20 am last wed. I saw that and knew we were going to gymnastics so I said I can't make that. The receptionist said I will phone you later with more convenient appts. Great!!! Which she did. Thursday 5.30pm. So I duly arrive wirh Biggles at 5.20 pm and try to sign in on the computer. Computer says "Sorry, please go to reception"so I go to reception only to get a  telling off because I missed a 30 minute appt on Wed at 10.20 am. I explain what had happened and which receptionist and she said no that couldn't possibly happen. WTF!!!!  I even had the appt plumbed in on my telephone. Which I showed her. Still no. I missed a 30 min slot, not the receptionists fault at all. I even tried saying is it that important we do this as my kids have a lot of educational clubs they go to and it's difficult to fit appts in. She said well baby's 8 week check is to put your mind at rest. ???? And I replied my mind is just fine concerning his health thank you very much, don't need a check up to confirm what I already know, I'll think I'll leave it completely. The look on her face said that wasn't an option. 😡 so now, the upshot is I have had to cancel a club this Thursday so we can have a now 9 week post partum check and then he will have his first set of jabs a week later at 10 weeks instead of 8 😡
She really wasn't bothered that I said I wasn't feeling well or great, just muddling through even though I feel like sh** most.days. It was all about him, nd I don't begrudge that, but without his mother, he canteens for himself, so I would have thought it was just as important for me to be healthy as him. She told me Its a 10 min appt.for me and 20 for him. But whatever!!!

Let.me talk about the not so glamourous part of post birth. Piles!!! Ouch!!! I don't even get why I have them since there was no real trauma to my cabbage since it was a.c section. Vaginal births no piles (only 8n the pregnanc8es themselv3s) no piles in Biggles pregnancy. Post partum, OMG! I have not known pain from them like it. I have one that proper sticks out and rubs when I walk, when I sit, when I stand, when I lie down. I've had to sleep (hahaha no sleep through pain) wi5hout a blanket and my legs wide open to let the air get to my pile. Over the counter creams weren't touching it and I ended up on pain killers. So yesterday, I went to the doctors and he didn't examine me (thank God, got a real pr9blem with men and physical exams since the section) and he gave me prescription based ointment l, which is stronger than over the counter. Told to take lactulose twice a.day. and if it doesn't impr9ve, he will refer t9 the hospital and I can have it lanced.  Not happening! That means getting my bits out in front of medical people, I suspect men and that isn't happening anytime soon. I have too much PTSD left over f9r that. I can't even bear my husband touching me, not even sexually, just a normal brush past or whatever, let alone, medical staff who set this mental trauma off in the first place. I'm sorry, but I feel violated in every orifice. All from the section and I feel b3cause I wasn't conscious (my limited choice) I couldn't even defend myself like I would have had I been awake. Things were shoved into every available orifice, except my nose, and I couldn't stop it. There were lots of men in the room before I was put under and I even found heart pads on my breasts, post op. They did things to me while I was conscious but didn't explain what was happening BEFORE they did it, they explained during or after they had done what they were doing. My anxiety ramped up times 1000.
Then to wake and find heart pads on my breasts, a catheter still attached and minus pubic hair wasn't pleasant. It doesn't sound like much, but it's properly freaked me out and I only have to think about and I'm back there. Feeling scared and vulnerable. So now, as a self defence mechanism I don't allow any male to touch me in any way, shape or form. Obviously the kids do, and that's fine cos at this point I don't see them as a threat. My husband, definitely not. He kisses me on th3 forehead now and I can just about cope with that. He has been making the whingey comments of its been 12 weeks since we had sex and the thought absolutely repulsed me to the point where I could vomit. I admitted yesterday I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over this and allow him intimacy. So he asked is he going to have to find a female just for sex? And before the c sec, I would have gone mad for him suggesting such a thing, but I kind of said maybe. I h9nestly don't know if I'll recover enough to allow that part of marriage to take place. Most days, I seem okay and then I get flashbacks and I'm so not okay. Glad and truly blessed to have Biggles in my life but I never expected the cesearean to be so traumatic and leave lasting mental scars. So many women go through them and they seem to come out 9f it unscathed and I feel like I'm just whinging. That I should take it on the chin  and be okay. Well I'm not okay. And I have mentioned it t9 the female doctor and no help was offered. So I guess it's just the way it is. And I'll get over it, eventually. Anyway, enough moaning.

Took Biggles to the community centre yesterday as I had found out health visitors do a drop in service from 1.30-3,30 on a Monday. I wanted him weighed in readiness for vacs next week. He's now 10lb3oz. In 8 weeks. I'm not sure if he's the right weight or not but we're not big people and I'm going to check the other babies progress from their red books and see if he's about the same. He looks healthy enough, but what do I know?

There was one funny bit. He had a bright like green nappy on and the woman said "oh you can put his dirty nappy in the bin over there's I looked at her and said "what?"So she repeated it and I looked at her as if she had 2 heads and patiently replied "it's a reusable nappy, he fills it and I put it in the washing machinw" and she replied " oh, that's a really clever idea" really??????  Are they that used to disposables that they can't see that a bright like green nappy is a cloth nappy.

Anyway, I better go, Biggles looks like he's struggling to take a 💩 so I better try to help.

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    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    He slept for a whole 6 and a half hours last night!!! I didn't, as my body/brain freaked out knowing it was longer than usual. So I may there awake listening to his breathing.

    Had post partum checks done. Again I mentioned ptsd related feelings to the GP and again all that was said was oh, ok. So I am telling them my head isn't right and they're just sweeping it under the carpet. So I m on my own with this. Suck it up and put big girl pants on.

    Doctor checked Biggles. He passed. And I was told he no longer has constipation 🤗 so I've cut his prune juice down to once a day. He seems to be coping. Of course, I didn't mention that to the GP, not completely stupid.

    Jabs on the 11th. That's daadys job, not mine. Have got Calpol in already.

    He was at his first birthday party today 😂 slept through most of it 🤣 the boys had fun though.

    First time in yrs I didn't plac3 a bet on the national. I actually hate it and keep my hands over my face, but I forgot it was on this year. 1 poor horse has been put down today. Poor thing.

    Oh middle son (now) has moved up a stage in swimming. Go J!!!😍😍😍
    Older son actually joined in the party games and won 3!!! Go A!!! Usually refuses to join in, so we'll chuffed with him.

    Counter signatory screwed up their part on the passport application, so have to do it all again. Counter signatory coming round again tomorrow. Please get it right this time. He needs his passport.

    Right, im going to try and get some sleep.

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    Yesterday Biggles learnt to do a half roll. So he can roll from his back to his sides now. No more leaving him unattended on the bed while I run for a cheeky wee. Having to take him with me now. I have changed over to Terry nappies in the day and his birth to potty wraps in the night. I'm finding the btp leaks sometimes and the terrys don't. But I can't be bothered in the middle of the night with the faff of terry nappies.  I invested in 4 motherease airflow wraps (brand new)for the terries. 56 including postage 😱 but I can honestly say that Terry nappies and the air flows really contain poonamis.😂 Over the last 2 days he has done massive poos where the btp nappies would have leaked and I would have needed to possibly bath him and change his clothes, the terry nappies kept both well contained. I did check out different folds on you tube but decided to try my mum's simple triangle fold and that one works best for us. DH has yet to try and do a terry nappy. His big idea to go cloth nappies and he's changed btp about 3 times and hasn't the guts to try terry nappies yet. He's good at washing them though 😂

    Cannot believe that Biggles will be 10 weeks tomorrow (thursdwy)where has that time gone? 😱 He smiles a lot now. He likes me shaking my head so he can see my hair wafting around, which is quite cute but gives me neck ache. He will still only tolerate daddy for so long and then wants me back. I left him daddy to take J to dance on Monday,  so I was gone for 2.5 hrs max. Daddy had the most awful time as Biggles was constantly crying. Even my mum agreed. The look of relief on DH face when I walked in the door and promptly got handed a very upset, agitated baby, who shut up within10 seconds of being close to me 😂 I felt a bit guilty that Biggles was so upset the whole time, but I guess thems the breaks when trying to juggle family life.

    This morning the kids have gymnastics, so an early start for all of us. Biggles has just been fed and changed and is now asleep on my chest. Hate disturbing him. But as the only driver, I don't have much choice. I can hear DH moving around, up and down stairs so no doubt he'll be popping his head in my room shortly.  Urgh, don't want to get up, want to snuggle down with Biggles and go back to sleep like every other morning.

    He has his jabs tomorrow 😢😟 DH has already been told he's taking him, he's signing consents and he's holding him while the b***h, sorry nurse, uses Biggles as dart board practise. No doubt I'll have the fun of a really fractious baby afterwards. I know they need to done, they are necessary evil, but I just hate them. I will have the Calpol on standby, the fan just in case and 111 on speed dial. Lots of cuddles and comfort bottles (which will in the main) get wasted.

    We're not really managing too well on UC.  If mum didn't live with us and help out financially, we would be absolutely screwed. He has tried to get a job that pays 13 odd for night work, through an agency, as that's the only route for a job these days and he was virtually laughed out the office as he's been caring for me for 15 yrs and so has no recent work experience. Cannot provide recent references or a work history. How the hell is he supposed to find a job in that case. Answers on a post card please.

    I'm worried that after Brexit eventually happens, IF it happens, we will not be able to emigrate to Bulgaria after all. I cannot find answers for this anywhere. Speaking of Bulgaria (loosely)I sent Biggles passport application off yesterday. 60! So hopefully in 3 weeks, he will be able to go on a plane. We'll see. If he does,hopefully it'll be a one way ticket for all of us. Definitely abandon the sinking ship that is the UK. Without a second glance. I sound horrible don't I? But I can't help the way I feel.

    Local elections soon. For the first time in my adult years, I am not voting. I don't see the point. Even when we do vote our voices aren't heard, and the government does what it wants without any regard for the people, so to me there is absolutely no point anymore. Look at the fiasco of brexit. Look at how they're screwing families, vulnerable people, disabled people over to name a few. No-one cares anymore. We need a successful Guy Fawkes and then start again. But that's just my slant.

    My dad had his operation. They were supposed to laser his benign tumour but in the end had to cut him open. He messaged me to say he was back at home and not feeling too bad, a couple of days ago, but I haven't heard anything since. Think I'll message him later today. I did offer to get an bnb and go down and help out, but both of them said no need. The JW community has it covered. So that's that.

    It will be half term on Friday. Two weeks of kids everywhere. Think we might stay in as much as possible. Dance, gymnastics and I think swimming take a break as well, so will be easy to hibernate. Karate runs all year round without a break except at Christmas, but A will insist on having a break, so definitely laying low. Be glad of the rest if I'm honest. And I'll feel it the first 2 weeks back into routine 🤣

    Eldest is still happy and working. He wanted me to dig out the photo of him meeting the Queen when be was 5 ish. I hadn't managed to, but yesterday whilst trying to find DH one reference from his last workplace,I came across the photograph. Sent it through messenger and he was so pleased. I think his girlfriend didn't believe he had met the Queen. Well he has the proof now.

    I suppose I better get up and start waking children. Wish me luck as they really don't like being woken up, it's like poking a caged lion for both of them. So not a particularly pleasant start to the day.

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    Poor little sausage had his immunizations yesterday. And DH stuck to what I said. He signed consents not me, he held Biggles while he got stabbed 3 times, not me. I wasn't even in the room. He couldn't do the last bit which is console and comfort the child as little one just wanted me. HA! IN YOUR FACE!!! As you can tell, I don't like dh atm. I didn't want little one to have the jabs, but I was overruled,and yes, it makes sense to have them done, but I knew I would be doing the bulk of it. Checking his twmpreture, dosing him up with Calpol, worrying because he wouldn't take his next feed. Worried cos all be s done is slept. And occasionally woke up to have a screaming session as he sounds in pain. Knew I would be the one who's awake most of the night, just listening to his breathing and constantly checking his twmpreture. And where is dh exactly?in the other bedroom,snoring his head off with the sleep.of an innocent. Innocent my ass. Of course, it will be me doing th3 bulk of comforting and checking in 4 weeks and 8 weeks time, when he ge5s stabbed again.

    Yes, I know the implications are far worse had he not been immunized, that doesn't stop the resentment towards DH that he overruled me and I get th3 worry of a chemically induced poorly baby and he gets the sleep and no worries. I really don't like him at this point.

    In other news, the letter came back from DWP with an appt for a medical assessment again!!! To check I'm getting the right amount of Personal Independent Payments. Again, yes my ass, it's to make sure they screw me over one more time and remove said payments and the car. Bye Car!Bye Independence! Hello housebound! Hello less money, when I'm barely surviving now!

    Have I mentioned how much I have the bl00dy government?? Cos I really do.

    Dh went after a job with an agency the other day. 13 an hour for night shifts which would be ideal for him. Agency won't give him the time of day, because he hasn't worked for 15 yrs, so has no recent references or work history. Well of course he hasn't when h3s been my full time carer. So we can't even begin to make our lives better financially that way.

    I just don't know what to do for the best anymore.

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    He's a little better now. Thank God! Although I'm waiting for the rotavirus Vax to kick in.

    We're all okay, just getting nervous as PIP appt draws closer. But things are starting to pan out on the Bulgarian side. And plans are afoot. Now, just got to put those plans into motion.

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    Took Biggles to be weighed yesterday. So stripped him down ready and the looks on the other mothers faces was well weird. Biggles is Terry nappies and i swear to God they've not seen them before. Even better , I also put a clean one on him on my knee, and honestly, their eyes nearly popped out if their heads. So funny 😂😂😂

    So his weight is now 11lb2oz. So he puts on half a pound a week on average. Sounds pretty good to me. So I won't have to keep going back now.

    He's still on 1 oz of diluted prune juice once a day as I tried cutting or put completely and he immediately stopped pooping and started screaming in agony. So it's clear he still needs a little help atm. Shall try to reduce down to 1oz every 2 days within the next couple of weeks. And review the situation.

    He has a jumperoo now and exercises in it about twice a day for 10 minutes at a time. It's so damn cute to watch 😍

    And today, although he has a cot, a bouncy chair and a pram, where did he think was the most comfortable place to sleep -a small oval washing basket!!! Of course I took photos as that was way too cute as well. I'm wondering if it's because it's small and tight like the womb. Who knows? .........


    Any way best feed little man and get him ready for bed.

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    Red letter day!!!

    I forgot.to give him prune juice yesterday and this morning he has done a pain free poop all on his own!!!!No help required. I think, finally his digestive system is developing enough to  cope with formula. I have also started giving 1 full strength bottle at bedtime. I have another 5 days of this, and Then I will add in 1 more full strength (so 2 a.day) next week. If I increase week by week, then hopefully digestion should cope with it. If not, I shall knock 1 off again. Its no biggie.

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    We've hit a bump in the road. Little man has thrush. He was put on nystan (liquid) and I was told to not let him swallow it straight away. How in th3 blue hell do you stop a human being from swallowing? Answers on a first class stamp please. 😂 Needles to say, nystan not working. Went back yesterday and he's now been put on a gel.  Gel seems to be working.

    Got to go, as soon as I log in here, he wakes up 😂

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    I'm back as daddy has Biggles at home and I'm sat at the swimming baths watching the boys swim.

    So his thrush will get under control but it has had a knock on effect with his feeds. Before thrush he was on 6oz bottles every 3 hrs in the day and 5 hrly through the night. With thrush this has reduced to 3oz every 4 hours yesterday and even more sleepy in between crying sessions. This morning he didn't seem as bad (hopefully) shall know more when I get back.

    He was doing ever so well before the thrush. He hasn't had prune juice for nearly a week now and is still pooping once daily. So I think his digestive tract and whatnot are definitely developing and maturing. Writing here as a look back in yrs to come.

    He likes it when I put my hair into a pony tail up on top of my crown. I shake my head and he laughs his face off at my hair wobbling about all over the place. Doesn't sound like much, but it's fun. His smiles and giggles are addictive. Mk3s you want to find more stuff for him to grin at. We also found out he likes the little princess. Especially episodes with Brian blessed voice in. He goes really mad and excitable. Arma nd legs flailing everywhere, big grin on his face.

    The boys love being big brothers. Bith are very helpful in different ways. J,8 yr old doesn't mind moving dirty nappies or the fsc5 that Biggles pukes whereas A is a bit weak stomachs where there concerned, but he will sit and talk to Biggles to keep him calm.
    J is v3ry confident with him. Iv3 walked in the room to see him picking Biggles up and rocking him th3 way I do to calm him down. I never have a go, ev3n though my heart jumps into my throat 🤣 J will also feed and wind Biggles, absolutely no problem. Haven't got round him to change his bottom yet though 😂 Maybe  step too far. Even his dad, who said I'll learn quick enough how to cloth hung in has only changed his backside (under duress) 3 times since h3 was born.

    A actually held the camera and recorded me doing a tutorial on a fold for terry towelling nappies today. The video is very good (my voice is a bit crap 😂) but there isn't any wobbling from my son. I uploaded to social media for a woman who has read how to do the fold but couldn't find a video on it. Nd my way was much simpler than the version she had read. If that makes sense.



    Anyway back to watching the boys mess about in water 🤩 Biggles will be joining them when all his vaccinations are complete. His swim pants (cloth) areived the other day and they are TOO CUTE!!! I 💖 can't wait to get him in the cold water 😉😂

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    I hav3 to admit I'm struggling physically. I overdid everything deliberately on the run up to the disability appointment so my face would show genuine pain. Which it did. Also, wore very tight trousers (so not my thing) to show how swollen they are. Whether these things worked, tine will tell. But I keep forgetting to take pain killers and a week on, I'm s5ill in pain. Should see me trying to get my carcass out of bed. I must look about 70+. Add there's usually a baby in my arms as well, and it's seriously not fun!

    Biggles is turning back into a joy. The oral daktarin gel is working and his mouth is improving considerably. So is his temper alongside it. 😂. More contented again. Only cries if theprep machine doesn't deliver his milk quick enough, it only takes 2 minutes! Or he has trapped wind or I take too long changing his nappy. At the height of the thrush, he was crying if he wasn't picked up quick enough, wasn't put down, if I put his bouncy chair bar of toys on, if I didn't, if I sat him in the chair to watch the little princess, if I took him out in his car seat, OMG! the list was endless!!! However, above all I think he was crying constantly because his poor mouth was in pain. If any of your babies get oral thrush and Dr gives liquid nystan, ask for oral daktarin gel. Fabulous stuff and easier to work with. Just a heads up!

    Relationship with hubby is difficult to say the least. This is the longest ever he has gone without and he's getting really quite frustrated. He's snappy, irritable and moody. On my part I'm just scared and refusing point blank. I've not been tampered with since the cesearean and I'm emotionally not ready yet. Do you ever feel ready or do you throw yourself back on the horse regardless? Also, physically, there is a band across my stomach that feels weird. Not quite numb, but the feeling isn't right and I don't like it. Of course, to have sex means bodies touching bodies and I really hate the feeling in my stomach. When Biggles lies across my stomach, I normally put a blanket over my stomach to reduce he not very nice sensations. Again, it's not quite numb but doesn't feel how it used to and tbh, the feeling that touching produces is very close to revulsion. How the hell do I explain that and how long do I seriously expect him to wait before it gets too much for him. Me personally, if I never did the deed again, it would be too soon. But he has needs as well, and I really need to get my head round that and allow him what he wants/needs and just suck it up I guess. Just not yet!😂

    Now just waiting on results feom disability appointment. I know I did all I can and if that not good enough, well game over really.

    Sunday was a sad day. The RSPCA rang me and said they had space for Chas and Dave. So I took them. My house is now catless. I will really miss Dave. Chas, nah. I never really got on with him. But, if we need to emigrate, I can't afford their passports and vaccinations, so this was the kindest thing for them. I'm just waiting on a local fostering agency to find a suitable match for the dog. I don't want him in kennels as it's really not fair to him. He's old, and he's ill. Would prefer him to into foster home especially since the vet refused to show him some dignity and put him to sleep. Apparently, he's not medically unfit enough and I can't have the dog put to sleep for my convenience. Try I can't afford his special prescription diet anymore. Nah, you'll find a way says the vet. I don't think kennels or foster is kind to him either. E vet did offer to vaccinate and give him a pet passport for 165 😱. When atm, I can barely afford to feed my family thanks to the massive reduction in money we've had. Plus I really believe a flight would kill him. So atm, my mum keeps paying for his food, and our food, and our electric and our gas and our petrol. As my money basically just covers my direct debits, rent and council tax and nothing else. There is literally nothing left over for luxuries such as food, electric, gas and petrol. It's all just a bit sh** right now.

    Did I mention hubby went to an agency looking for work, I was with him. They kept asking for the last 5 yrs work history and we kept saying he has been my full time carer for the last 15 yrs, so no official work history. He wasn't even allowed an interview u til we can provide evidence of his work history in the last 5 yrs. Everywhere we turn, the system is set up to see us fail. It's all just complete male genitalia. How is anyone expected to better themselves, and when they can't, live on the measly amount the govt "provides". These stupid politicians and give ministers should th living on the paltry amount, for a month, without the cushion of "expenses paid back". Honest to God, if I hadn't got my mum bailing us out week after week, I don't know how we would survive. I feel very sorry for those families and vulnerable people who haven't got parents etc to fall back on, it's very easy to see how they fall into rent arrears and homelessness very, very quickly.

    But other than all those obstacles life is good and I'm enjoying the kids and Biggles. Funny old world, isn't it?