* Author Topic: Life with Biggles diary and everyone and everything else! 😉😂  (Read 12771 times)

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Offline jdm4tth3ws

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He is now crawling properly and trying to pull himself up on the furniture, washing basket etc..

We've had a horrible 48 hours with him from thursday to Saturday last week. Poor little mite is cutting 2 top teeth and this has whacked him good and proper. Teething cold. Pain. Thursday night he screamed and was inconsolable all night. Friday day still inconsolable, Friday night slept a lot better. Still on regular dose of calpol. But I make sure its 2.5ml  in the day and 5ml in his bedtime bottle. Cold is still awful about I think the pain level is reducing as the teeth are now visible but not completely out. He, from the look of it has gapped front teeth, which I find truly amazing as he has my teeth. Just completely bowled over.

Spent the day at a local adventure farm and we also had the pleasure of my eldest's company. We had a really happy day.

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    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    So he now crawls at an amazing pace. Hes my little pocket rocket 😂. He makes me laugh every single day. Today he was kneeling ag the bottom of the stairs shouting AARRRR up to the 9 year old to get him to come down and play with him 😂. He chases feet. Then tries to bite them, but that's a different story. 😂. He is into everything! Its becoming crystal clear how unfriendly my house is for babies. Did I tell you hes an absolute food monster. Literally eats everything we put in front of him. Tonight his tea was noodles, pizza, wotsits and 4 white chocolate button washed dow  with a strawberry yoghurt. One hour later, he whacked 5oz of milk and fell asleep.

    His 2 top teeth have broken through. Thankfully. Hes not in as much pain but he has a stinking teething cold. So snot galore. And typical boy, hates having his face cleaned, his nose sorting out.

    He has a bath most nights in our washing basket in front if the fire. Proper old school 😂 basket is lovely and enclosed.

    We have started mother and toddler group. Hes been going a couple if weeks and hes finally started to roam a little bit. Moving slightly further away from me and then back for a cuddle and reassurance. Which he gets in spades. Then back down for another little roam. He has a halloween party to go to there so I have bought a pumpkin pocket nappy, pumpkin outfit with hat and pumpkin  booties. Hes going to look soooo cute!

    We are on a potty pause at the moment. Hes not liking sitting kn the potty and taking poops in his nappies. So not fun. Will reintroduce the potty again in a couple of weeks. This teething lark has knocked his poop timings right out. And hes sneaky and isn't grunting to let me know, so potty off the menu for a bit. This is a positive and a negative about cloth nappies. You cant smell poop. In disposables, you know they've done it as the poop reacts with the chemicals in the nappies and the smell is usually horrendous. In cloth, theres no smell. So it's quite a shock to open him up and see it there. Catches me out every time!

    I love the bones off him. I am so happy to have him in my life and feel so blessed. Even with all the birth trauma. I'm not over that yet, but I try to take joy out of every single day. And to be honest, it's not that difficult with the kids around .

    Oh DH has graduated to my room. Hes kn a single bed next to me. So j think were slowly moving in the right direction. We have been intimate. And I've explained that human touch takes me back to the operating theatre and I have flashbacks. It's not pleasant and hes being patient. Hes not making any sudden unwarned moves on me now. I think me nearly punching him in the face because he tried to stroke my cheek without warning scared him a little. But here's the thing, I'm not naturally a violent person  I think fight or flight kicked in and as I was cornered, I didnt have flight as an option. To be fair, it scared me a little. But I pulled back at the last second and thankfully didnt make contact.  I'm wondering how I'll cope when my dad and his wife come down next week. They always give me a hug and I'm not sure how I'll react. But I suppose, I have from now till then to psyche myself up for it. I did ask for counselling. I wanted talking therapy, they offered me CBT and relaxation techniques. Told them, nah, I'll sort myself out. Thanks. I dont relaxation. Many years ago, when I was a smoker, they tried to relaxation kn the whole class. Everyone lay on their mats, drifting away in their little boats on a gentle shore etc etc and I lay there with my fists bunched up, my toes curled and my teeth grinding. My whole body was as tense as it possibly could be and no, it did nothing for me. When I go to sleep at night, I'm in the foetal position and my hands are bunched into fists and my jaw locks. My teeth clench and my body is stiff. I simply cant do relaxed. Spent too many years trying. I'm too stuck in my ways now to be bothered with all that airy fairy (my opinion) relaxing therapy. What will help me is writing to the hospital and requesting my birth notes. And when I can find time a birthing debrief. Where I can put my feelings about it across and get shouted down and made to feel stupid. The hospital will go into back covering mode. So a pointless exercise really. But, I want it noted down that, in my mind, they did not follow correct protocol and as a result i didnt bond at first with Biggles, I feel cheated out of breast feeding and they left me with PTSD which has had a direct impact on my marriage. But it may do me good to get it off my chest.

    Women on social media ask for advice concerning c sections. And I give it to them in buckets. The best tips I wish I had been given. All to try and save them from being traumatised. Anyhow..........

    I haven't lost weight. I'm heavier now than when I was 37 weeks. I'm finding it impossible to find exercises that 1) I can do and 2) wont affect the internal healing that is still going on. So feeling like I've eaten all the pies. Hopefully, I shall curb my bad diet soon and get back kn the GD diet. That will do it. 😂

    Anyway, enough rambling. I better try to get some sleep as he will still wake up anywhere between 2am and 5am. X


    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    So....... today I put my back out lifting roast potatoes out of the oven.... didnt drop the spuds but I'm in agony.

    And little knew is no longer satisfied with crawling very confidently I might add , hes now pulling himself up on the sofa and every other piece of furniture and trying to walk. Falling a lot.

    My dad came down on friday. Wish I could say it was good news but it's not. Hes due for another biopsy this week because when he had his last OP on or around the prostate they found shadows there. They have said it could be scarring from previous ops or it could be an aggressive tumour. He looked ill, really ill. His wife has recently had cancer removed from her nose. It's been 2.5 years since we last saw him and his wife has asked that I drive up next year as the drive is too much for him now. I honestly dont know how much longer my dad will be around.

    They think the kids are amazing and could only love Biggles from a distance as he doesnt like anyone else apart from immediate family. She did try to hold him, but he made it clear in 2 seconds flat that he was not happy and wanted his mammy ❤

    They cant believe how much he pigs out. She brought flapjacks (for me) fruit cake and cheese scones. He worked cheeses scones and fruit cake down and 20 minutes later tucked into jkt spud, cheese, ham, pizza slice. She did say no wonder he looks like a big baby. She bought him 9-12 months clothes and they only just fit. Another couple of weeks and they will be too small. Hes only 8 months bless him.

    4 months until hes 1 year old.  How absolutely mad is that????

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    5th tooth poking through. I swear by the time hes 1 he will have a right mouthful of teeth. Although I'm sad I disnt get to breast feed,  part 9f me is quite relieved. Post after post on social media baby groups of babies buying their mamas nipples and how do they stop it fair makes my body cringe. I have only been bitten once on the nipple once by one of my children and that was in a fit of temper and by golly it hurt! To imagine that at every feed time. Nope, nope, nope. My 9 yr old breastfed but disnt have any teeth till after 6 months and he gave the boob up at 6 months precisely. Turned his head away and kept pushing my breast away, so I thought, ok kid, you're done. And put those puppies away, never to be seen again. 😂

    Other news!

    So DH is waiting to hear back from college to start a br8cklaying course. It's a foot in the door to do carpentry which is what he really wants to do. Me, I'm waiting on getting an email back from stoke college to start my online business course. Why, I hear you ask? ..... 2 words. Universal Credit. D9nt be fooled. It is as bad as the media reports.

    On paper I get the same amount I always got.
    The reality is very different.

    Old system I never needed to worry about rent as housing benefit sorted that ( so that was extra money)
    Universal Credit. Same about of money minus housing benefit. That means I have to find the rent out of the money j now receive. So 450-500 down already. No housing benefit to help.
    Old system. Carers Allowance was his. And I didnt get penalised for him having carers.

    Universal Credit. He gets carers Allowance and I get double the amount he receives taken off my universal credit. So say he gets 150 a month. I then lose 300 a month because hes had carers. So now we are down 800 a month.

    So we need a plan. Long term. To get us out of this rut. At 46, I cant see me working for someone else. Especially if younger. So, that leaves training. I dont want to leave my home or put my kids into school to work. He has good wood working skills just no qualifications to back it up. So we use the time now to study while Biggles is small and the govt cant force me to put him in childcare to get a part time job. That comes when hes 3. I shall do business and book keeping. He shall learn a trade and hopefully learn to drive. I'm currently saving child benefit to pay for his driving lessons. Then we shall start a business together. Get off UC and stick 2 fingers up to the government. They will no longer control our daily lives. Kids will stay home educated, Biggles will not go through the school system ever.

    Believe me, were the lucky ones. We still have my mother living with us and she uses her pension to pay for things we cant afford. Like food, 3 weeks out of 4, gas, 4 weeks out of 4, electric 4 weeks out of 4, petrol 2 weeks out of 4 and last weekend a new tumble dryer as mine decided to stop working.

    Today, shes giving me her card as 12 year old needs clothes, 9 yr old needs shoes. I cant afford them. And I feel like a parasite. 46, nearly 47 and cant afford to feed my children, clothe my children without my mothers intervention. She paid for her kids, she shouldn't have to pay for mine. Need to get off the universal credit roller coaster.

    My dad came down last week. He looks awful. Prostate cancer isn't improving. A shadow has been found and they're not sure if its scarring from previous ops or an aggressive tumour. Biopsy to be arranged. I'm quite worried. But the other part says what if its aggressive? Has he left the grand kids anything to help them get by? How mercenary is that? Again, universal credit has turned me into this person I dont recognise.

    The kids have been told not to expect any birthday and Christmas presents. I cant afford them. By 5he time I've paid rent and kept 350 in the bank to cover direct debits and paid for 1 weeks supply if food, petrol there is nothing left for the remaining 3 weeks till payday. There is certainly nothing left for luxuries such as clothes or presents. I may actually take a bit out of the child benefit to buy them 1 thing each.  Years ago, when I only had C (23) it took him over 2 hours to open his christmas presents. How life has changed 😥. I've asked my friend to buy Biggles second hand clothes from charity shops in 12-18 months for christmas. What a truly crap time we live in. But the positive is we are now looking at other options to never be in this position again.

    So it's all good.

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    2 days ago he started saying Dada.

    He can say ayo (hello) hiya. And now dada. Anyone would think he carried him, fed him etc 😉😂😂😂😂😂 logically it's because d sound is easier than m sound. Although he can say mum but only when crying. (Not often) and he can say mmmmmm when munching 😂😂😂

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    Little man is now cruising the furniture. He has also started working out how to get back down without falling in the main. One hand goes down to the floor to steady himself and then he slowly lowers himself. Sometimes he lands on his bottom, other times he lands awkwardly, rolls and has learnt to tuck his head in.

    A long piece of material has been knotted and tied round the handles on the living room door. Little fingers are trying to work out how to open the door fully and I saw his fingers nearly go in the crack. So, hunted for material and wound it round the handles and tied it to act as a door stopper. Door cant close fully now and there is a 2 inch gap between door and jamb. That should make sure little fingers stay attached to little hands.

    Boys both passed their karate belts. 1 red, 1 brown. They've also signed up for a tournament next year. Very proud of them. Dance is going well as well. Today, we are going to a clip and climb place again. Elder one left his jumper there last week. Oops. Still an excuse to go nd have another session.

    DH started his brick laying course yesterday. 6 weeks behind. But I'm sure he will catch up. So he was out all day. I sorted the downstairs out. He says he cleans up. So how come I have to bottom the place??? Pull sofa out and OMG!!!  How much crap behind it? The same with 5he chair, the PC chair, the console chair. Just crapola everywhere and yet he insists he cleans. If that's his version of cleaning, I'd hate to see his version of filth. Harsh but true. Anyway, I will start upstairs when everyone wakes up. And in 2 weeks (being generous) you wouldn't know I had spent 2 days (in agony)sorting the house out. While he was in Bulgaria, the house was clean and sparkling, after I sorted it. It took 4 days of him being back for it to slide back to how it is now. He also said he would help with the cloth nappies when I was pregnant.

    So - who stores the dirty ones in the nappy bin - Me
            Who leaves them on the floor - him
            Who does the cold rinse, the main wash, the cold rinse repeat - Me
            who gets the out the washer, hands them to mum (she likes folding wet clothes ???) - Me
            Who lugs basket up the stairs, through 2 stair gates and loads nappies and inserts into the dryer - Me
            Who puts wraps, and outer parts of pocket nappies on the airer in the window - Me
            Who then lugs them all back downstairs, sorts them, stuffs them, folds them and puts them away - Me
            Who then puts them on and off the the baby - Yep Me, most of the time.
            Who always, always puts the nappy on too tight on Little Man - Him. When he has to occasionally change his bottom.
            Who washes all the 💩 off the nappies if Little Man doesnt manage to sit on the potty in time. -Him in the main
             but still chucks rinsed nappy on the floor!!!! - HIM!!!!
           

    The nappy bin is next to the fireguard, how fluffing difficult is it to quickly throw it in? As its certainly impossible for him. For all that, I wouldn't change over to disposables, they absolutely stink when wet/dirty. Cloth isn't half as bad. And it only adds 2 extra loads a week. I'm washing every day for the amount of people in the house, so 2 more loads doesnt make that much difference to my life. I have also found that throwing the kids karate uniforms in with the nappies makes the karate uniforms come out cleaner and brighter. But dont tell my elder one (Sshhh!!!) He would never wear it again if he knew 😂😂😂

    Think Little Man is on a growth spurt. Normally a good sleeper at night. Last bottle 9pm, asleep for 9.30pm. Bottle between 4 and 5am. Back to sleep and awake for next bottle at 9am. Not bad for 8 months. Last night. Bottle 9pm. Bottle 1.30 am. Bottle at 5am. Slight shock to the system 😂. Hes Asleep right now.

    I might see if  I can get my head down. And then he'll wake up 😂 just as I'm hitting slumber part. And I will come round really groggy. But got to take my opportunity for sleep while i can, I suppose.

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    He has been saying Mama all day!!! Refuses to say dada now 😂😂😂😂😂💗💗💗💗💗👶👶👶👶👶

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    Cruising the furniture, holds my hands and walks, feet are flat most of the time. Getting better with 1 outsider. Not so good with other friends. Hes very much attached to mama and dada and his brothers. He will happily smile at anybody whilst he is in my arms. If they try to hold him, whoa! He absolutely screams the place down. Except 1.friend who we see about 4 times a week. She has refused to let him scream at her and give up on him. Shes also a specialist hospice nurse for children. Very useful to have around. He will now sit with her, play around her, let her get him out the car seat. We are making progress. Every other friend, nah. But I can see why. He cries at them, they back off. He cries at my friend (only occasionally now) and she laughs at him. Sounds brutal. It's really not. I'm in the room, he can see me. When he cries, hes straight back with me, but she refuses to stop playing with him, tickling toes, talking to him. And he is responding. As I say, hes quite happy for her to hold him now for a short period of time. Which is good as I wanted to record the boys doing A Leap of Faith at climbing. So I was able to pass him to her and he was fine.

    Last night.

    He fell asleep at 7pm. Awake for 8pm. Tired again by 9pm. 9pm usual bottle and bedtime. We went up to have bottle and bed at 9.30 pm ish. Its 6.46 am and he hasn't woken for his 4am feed. I can hear him breathing, all is well. But of course, I've woken for his feed and haven't been able to go back to sleep. He is cutting tooth 6 and 7 now. I'm sure this boy will have a full set of teeth by the time hes 1. And will be confidently walking by xmas. So proud of him and a little sad. I wanted him to stay a baby as long as possible and it's clear hes not about to.

    I sent a complaint to BBC2 the other night. They did a piece of birth trauma and their resident doctor said " it doesnt matter how the birth was as long as baby is safe" basically mum should suck it up however birth was, good, bad, indifferent, downright awful, nearly died etc as long as baby was okay. That is not okay. That triggered me again. Still struggling at times, but lessening until crapola like that happens. I had also had the misfortune of meeting 1 of the midwives on the labour ward when I was there. She remembered me, i didnt remember her. She looked after me (nd others) the night before the section. She asked if i remembered her and j said no i have blocked a lot of the memories out. She asked if the birth went well. I said no, it was awful. I said I have no nice memories surrounding his delivery and no doubt it was marked kn my records that I was "a difficult patient"  she of course said, no, no ,no and smiled but her face belied the actual truth. She said the problem is some of the staff have really bad attitudes on labour and delivery ward. I said yes, isn't that the truth!

    So I was really triggered all day. Cried myself to sleep. Before sleep though, I shot the BBC a complaint letter and then thought it's time. Emailed PALS and put a complaint in there as well. We have recently merged our hospital with a bigger one, so the bigger one replied yesterday and said they were passing my very detailed email to the local hospitals PALS dept. Not heard anything since then.

    I'm back on metformin. I'm only pre-diabetic according to NHS endocrinologist so he couldn't prescribe metformin. I said I also have PCOS which is why the metformin was prescribed in the first place and I want the metformin for that as my periods are way out of whack. He said you've just had a baby. I said yes 8 months ago. And so far my cycles have gone like this. 1st cycle 10 weeks post partum, lasted 10 days instead of 7, heavy all the way through. Then 12 days later another cycle lasting 7 days, very heavy throughout. After that it was 57 days to my next cycle. 10 days on, heavy. 12 days after another bleed lasting 7 days, heavy throughout. Then 47 days between cycles. Lasted 7 days. Heavy throughout. I want metformin to help regulate me. As it worked for me last time and I'm not leaving without the metformin. I got the prescription 😂

    Ooh, another little nugget of information.

    In conversation with nurse friend yesterday I mentioned I dont know how I'm going to afford my prescriptions after my maternity exemption runs out. She said but you're on thyroxine aren't you, for underactive thyroid. I said yeah, why and she replied that anyone on thyroxine is entitled to prescription 3xemption certificates. Good to know! I've never been told that by anyone. You ask gp for the exemption application form. So I shall be making an appt with gp when Biggles is 11 months, ready for maternity exemption to run out. Happy lady
     
    Right, hes finally rousing. Best go warm his milk.
     

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    We went to the Halloween party at mother and toddler group. He wore a black long sleeved vest that said My First Halloween and pumpkin trousers. A pumpkin hat. And a pumpkin nappy.  ;D with soft pumpkin boots.

    Last night the cutest thing happened. Hes asleep. Fast asleep. In his sleep he said mumum. My heart melted.

    In other news hubby threatened to divorce me. If I dont  give him sex. So I told him go ahead as I wont be blackmailed. Unless hes telling me theres a time limit on the grieving and PTSD process. He said he wont be held to ransom ??? So I said you're not, doors that' way, dont like it smack you in the behind on your way out.

    A day later he said he was joking. Well, I sure didnt hear anyone laughing.


     

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    Things are better between hubby and I. Hes took a step back and letting me lead. I'm feeling happier as I no longer feel threatened. Plus his college.course is knackering him out 😂.

    Kids are lovely. We have our usual niggles, like Biggles waking up every time I try to update here 😏🙄😂.

    Mum is annoying me atm. I did a stew. So she said "do you mind if I just have potatoes and gravy?" So I stood there and said "you want me to pick out all the vegetables and meat and just give you potato and gravy when I'm trying to organise everyone else's meal as well?" So she said "erm ...... I'm being finicky arent I? I'll just have the stew like everyone else" i said okay and thought damn right you will. I have enough with 1 of the kids being a finicky eater, I'm not messing about picking just potatoes out of a stew. Just flipping heck!!!

    I have a new motability car. Feels like I'm sitting in a space rocket. It's a hybrid. It's also push button ignition. It's also very different to my car. I'm not sure I like it but I've got it for the next 3 years, so I better get used to it I suppose. It's still a 7 seater but decidedly less head room. I'm not overly confident or comfortable with it yet. And with it being a 69 plate, I'm unsure of it being safe in the area I live in. But it was 195 advanced payment, rather than over a grand advanced payment. So needs must when the devil drives.

    My course isn't going so great. 9 yr old has radar jm sure. Baby falls asleep. I start my online course, 9 yr old loses temper with computer, shouts and screeches, wakes.the baby. Course stopped again. Oh, the Joy's of home education!!! 😂

    Kids have entered karate tournament for next week. Hoping they dont get too battered. Obviously contact is not supposed to be made but accidents do happen and I have made the kids aware of this. Let's see how it goes.

    Getting close to my firstborn anniversary.  I'm a little jumpy. Awake a lot of the nights just listening to Biggles breathing. The after effects of SIDS never really leaves you. I still worry about my others to a degree, so have given in and all the kids are sleeping in my room on their respective mattresses. Biggles is still bed sharing with me and will do for the foreseeable. It's good having him close enough to hear his breathing and touch his chest when I need to feel his breathing. So anxiety is up atm but it should calm down after the 26th. Hopefully.

    Every day Biggles amazes me. Hes now stopped saying Dada at all and when you say "can you say dada?"he returns with a very determined "Mama!!!" Absolutely kills me!!😂 but he also calls Dada Mama so make of that what you will😂

    Hes getting more confident at cruising. Can do nearly all of my living room now. Certainly wont be long before hes walking. I'm  bit sad about that (s well as proud) as I wanted him to stay a baby longer. Obviously he has other ideas. But that's okay ❤