* Author Topic: Life with Biggles diary and everyone and everything else! 😉😂  (Read 17078 times)

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Offline jdm4tth3ws

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My mum died today of coronavirus at 15.20. She died with me and my eldest son there with her.

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    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    So the funeral is nearly all arranged. Just waiting on 2 people to write a short piece on her. However if I haven't received them by tomorrow, its too bad.

    So she will be going in to Shakin' All Over-Jihnny Kidd and the Pirates.
    Then welcome from the celebrant
    Then the poem Stop All the Clocks W.H Auden
    Then an in

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    Then other peoples paragraph inc my husband. We did manage to record him singing tragedy (steps version) in Donald Duck.
    His paragraph leads to his recording. She made him promise time and time again, he would do that for her at her funeral. Or she would haunt him!

    Then my eulogy. And You've lost that lovin feeling, Righteous brothers.

    Then closing speech and committal to Nothing Compares 2 U - Snead O Connor..

    No wake. Even if I just invited my son and his fiancee back, because were in UK, the kids are included in the numbers. So thats 5 leady. You're only allowed 6 Peopleton a wake.

    I was going to have a MUM wreath. However  she stipulated no wreaths, only a single red rose from anyone who cares. So a bouquet of red roses from me.

    I'm also mindful of the fact, the crem asks you to take your flowers home now, due to covid. Who wants a big MUM wreath sat in their living room? So not practical.

    I have my friend over the road coming in to sit X (Biggles).I have checked guidance and I am allowed to have her in my home as my informal childcare, as long as we are not present. Which we won't be

     I have ummed and aahed over whether he should go and eventually it came down to hes nearly two, he wants to run around and mess about and touch things. Probably NOT the wisest move to take him.  The other three boys are attending. A wants a suit. J is going in a black onesie and C is wearing comfortable clothes. Mum also said we should all come as we are, no fancy dressing up. So I'm following her rules.

    I'm unsure on self isolation guidance. Cant remember whether the woman said we were legally bound to self isolate UNTIL 11/01 or AFTER 11/01. It know its 10 days. And today is the tenth day. But unsure if I can

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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     ;Dhaving trouble with this diary. It gets to a certain point and won't let me type.

    I am unsure if I can go out today or whether its tomorrow. Staying indoors for 1 more day to be safe. Even though we've ran out of whiskey and coke and 2 mugs of that was getting me through the days. No, I'm not an alcoholic. It just helps smooths put the edges when I'm stressed (like now) and helps my gems (I bite down and clench when stressed). Whiskey and coke is working better than pain killers. Only one more day till I can go shopping. Pretend life is normal.......


    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    Struggling. I miss my mum. And I check in with my eldest on Skype, and I ask him how he is? Is he coping? Is he okay? No-one thinks to ask me if I'm okay? No-one ask how I am. Probably because I'm the Fixer. I run around, making all the arrangements, organising people, organising everything else. So I must be doing okay, right? No need to ask if I'm alright. Well, I'm not. And thats okay. Days are a struggle, nights even more so. But, maybe tomorrow will still be a struggle, but it might be slightly less of a struggle.or it may be worse than today. But one day, I might actually smile and that smile might be in my eyes as well as my mouth. I am heartbroken 💔  and I say the right things. She died and it the natural order. Parent dies before child. Accepted natural order. Not like my SIDS baby
     Thats not the natural order of things. And I got through that. I didn't have kids then and I hit the bottle big time for about 18 months
     Until I saw, one morning, just how old and haggard I looked and I stopped drinking ...... Just Like That (thanks Tommy Cooper), now I can't press self destruct. Too many people dependent on me. So now what. I gave my son the number for samaritans. He hasn't used it.

    I know what set me off. After 10 days of isolation, foods were at all time low. So I took my 13 yr old shopping with me. He needed a "suit " for the funeral. We walked past the lucozade bottles and I nearly put 7 in the trolley and then realised she's not here to drink it. And walked past the lucozade. Stupid really. I also didn't buy a TV mag or lottery or instants. 5hat was weird also. And triggers. Its just hard. And then I feel bad, for feeling this grief as other people have it worse than me. I should just pull myself by my boot straps and get on with it. But I'm hurting and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sob. I want a cuddle from my mum and her tell me, everything's going to be okay. She was my mu, and she sometimes wound me up something chronic, but she was also my best supporter, a fierce adversary for my 'enemies' and my best friend. I feel lost.

    I miss my mum.

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    Funeral today. The older kids are going, but I have a sitter for X. I don't feel it will be good for him or us. Trying to keep an active nearly 2 year old (how did that happen?) Still and quiet while trying to say goodbye to my mum

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    This diary is really screwing up. Keeps stopping me type and then freezing. Very off putting.
    Sitter had X yesterday. We went to the Chapel of Rest
     She looked weird because of the embalming. She had to be embalmed due to covid. Apparently. She had make up on. She never wore make up. They kept her teeth in. Thank God! She would have hated them being removed. So it was my mum, but not my mum, if that makes any sense.

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    Funeral Director rang me last night. We have had to scrap tradition of walking behind the coffin. Covid restrictions. We have arranged the seating plan. Covid restrictions. And we are all to be seated before she enters the Crematorium. All distanced unless in the same household. Or bubble. Some flowers are going through with my mum to be cremated, my flowers however will be returned to me. Mum didn't want wreaths so she asked for a single red rose from anyone who cared. Her coffin will have red roses on it and I ordered a tied sheath (???) With 5 red roses and 1 white rose in the middle. Which represents myself, my husband, my eldest, the 13 yr old, the 10 yr old and the 2 yr old. Still haven't decided what I'm wearing as she said to come in what you're comfortable.i live in jeans and scruffy tops. Not sure im comfortable with completely scrapping tradition. We'll see. I still have some wiggle room atm.

    One thing I have noticed. I get easily triggered atm. Whether that be anger or a snivelling mess. I had a woman ring me from Child and Young Persons Austism Service the other day. She needed extra information to be sent from a school teacher. So I explained he's home educated. So she said Oh, he's home schooled! I hit the roof! I replied quite firmly "he is not home schooled, home schooled is a term used in the U.S, the term is home education or home.educayed in the U.K. so therefore he is home educated, not home schooled. She said I never knew there was a difference. So I said yes there is. If you say home schooled, it's gives the other person the view that we sit at a desk in a school type fashion at home. We most definitely do not. We educate at home, that can be anything from carpentry to sewing to abseiling to anything really and definitely not at a desk. She said oh! So then do you have tutors come in that we can get a statement from. No! We home educate! Responsibility for education falls on my shoulders as the parent, not any tutors shoulders. And also, we couldn't have a tutor even if we wanted one, were in the middle of a pandemic! I said you do have a tutors statement anyway, if you read my sons file correctly, you have his karate tutors statement. That is a tutor
     Who also gave his phone number and gave permission for you to speak with him regarding my son, if you needed more information. Oh! She said. We will have another meeting about your son and I will ring you back this afternoon. She didn't.

    So I rang them yesterday. And as bolshy as I was, they have decided to proceed to the next step. An early years history telephone consultation in 3 months. So I will have to do my homework, and read back on my HE diary on here for when I really started noticing differences. From birth basically. Hes the only baby I've had that would go rigid and turn his head away from me when I tried to cuddle him. Then other signs. Slow crawler. 13-14 months. Slow walker 19 months. Very good with speech. Mono conversations from the start. Conversations on a loop. Got very agitated from an early age if I changed routine. But its pinpointing ages. Might be tricky. Absolute meltdowns if he got the wrong plate, the wrong bowl, others touched his stuff, looked at his food or him in the wrong way. Then the behaviours increased when he went to school. I really need to do my homework. He needs to pass/fail? Autism assessments and be diagnosed to get educational help for a college setting. He will need some support. High anxiety and social mutism. He knows he has to go to college at 16. I know he won't be emotionally ready....... there needs to be some support in place for him but without a diagnosis, we will struggle to get that support.
    Oh proud moment. He learned how to tie his shoe laces. A week ago!!! At 13!!! So proud!!!!
     
     
     

    Offline jdm4tth3ws

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    It went well. There was me, hubby, 24 yr old, his fiancee, 13 yr old, 10 yr old, my cousin and a very, very old family friend. Small and intimate. My nephew did not turn up.

    There was laughter - hubby's recording if Tragedy in Donald Duck as she wanted and rhenium were tears Nothing Compares 2 U. My husband shocked me. He is like me,doesnt cry at funerals. I heard heaving, wracking sobs and realised it was him. The eulogy I wrote was nearly perfect. One typo i missed but other than that, very good.

    Cousin didn't laugh. Told me it was inappropriate. So I simply replied its what SHE wanted, so appropriate. Then he said I expected I**** to be here, where is she?  My mums eldest friend. So I looked at him horrified and said OMG! Dont you know, she died 6 months ago. He went into shock and very quickly said that's awful I didn't know, I'm sorry, I have to leave now. Slightly spiteful of me, but dang! Did it feel good 😂

    When we got back to mine, there were 5 of us as the kids went upstairs. So for a wake, you are allowed up to 6 people in a well ventilated room. It was an impromptu wake, so toast and a Chinese meal was the order of rhenium day. And whiskey. And vodka. Chatting, laughing, a bit of sadness, watching the 2 yr olds antics.. in a way  an ordinary day. But also extraordinary. When we drove to the Crem, behind Mum, it was raining. And I said how fitting, even the heavens are crying for her. And it was.

    The flowers were beautiful. Just roses. From everyone who cared. 2 tied sheaths. Mine with the red and 1 white rose, another from our family friend and single roses from more distant family members and an old friend of mine. The coffin looked elegant , simple and classy. Not gaudy at all. I asked for mine to be returned. The others are completing the journey with her. I also asked for all the cards. They will go in a keepsake box.

    On the one hand, I thought the small number of people (mainly her direct family) made it very personal and intimate, but on the other made me sad. To think she got to 79 and she only had a nandful of people around her that really cared about her and she cared about them.

    I've been looking into pure cream for me. No traditional funeral. They collect me  care for me, cremate me without anyone there, send ashes to whoever is designated in the funeral plan and thats that. In the funeral plan, you write where and who you want to have attend a special event at a later date to say your goodbyes. And its 1100 as opposed to 4000 for a traditional cremation/funeral. I've discussed it with hubby who wants to be buried and asked if he would look after my ashes till he dies and then I want my urn to be placed in his coffin with him. I don't want to buried as a body, but as ashes, I don't mind. So I will seriously consider this option.

    I am so glad my mum took out a funeral plan and paid it off a few years back. Because of this, the arrangements were almost seamless and it was far less stressful than when I had to arrange my friends mums funeral. No will. No funeral plan. No easy way to pay. This was fairly straightforward, and I want to give my kids that security that I've had.

    Anyway, shattered. So I will bid you goodnight.