* Author Topic: Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow  (Read 17410 times)

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Offline missl73

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Iíve decided to start writing a diary again to try to manage my emotions as I gear up for round 2.5.  I also thought it would help to document what happened last cycle so I donít forget when Iím trying to improve things each round. Our history is male factor infertility, DH had descended testicles as a child and has severe low count (best ever 1 million) and high DNA fragmentation at 40% (although down from 57%) and continuing to improve. No diagnosed issues on my side.

Cycle 1: Long protocol ICSI

- Down regulation on Synarel from Day 21, period delayed by 6 days.
- AFC at baseline scan around 7/8 on each ovary. AMH 11.9
- DH DNA fragmentation average 44%.
- 13 days of stimms on 225 Menopur led to 13 follicles from which 8 eggs were retrieved, 7 mature, 5 fertilised.
- Day 3: all 5 embryos still going strong, 3 x Grade 1 and 2 x Grade 2. Suggests egg quality is good.
- Day 5: 1 x 5AA hatching blast transferred, 1 x 4CC and 1 x 4DD, 2 x cavitating morula Ė none good enough to freeze. As sperm has always been our issue, so surprised to get 5 embryos to blastocyst even though quality isnít all great.
- 9dp5dt Ė BFP!!
- 10dp5dt Ė beta 214
- 7 week scan, things not looking good baby is measuring only 6w 3d told to come back a week later to check on progress.
- 8 week scan, things looking even worse baby now measuring only 7w 0d so although doubled in size growth has slowed down further, HB measured and is still going strong at 140. Told to come back again in 2 weeksí time.
- 10 week scan Ė the worst news of all, heartbeat is gone and baby has only grown 3mm since the last scan. Missed miscarriage confirmed. ERPC scheduled for 2 days later.
- ERPC operation went well, no retained products shown on scan, now just the emotional trauma to deal with. Foetal tissue sent to the lab for testing.
- Lab results back, miscarriage due to a Trisomy 16, a relief to know my body did what it was supposed to and that this type of chromosome problem is usually an egg issue which means we can produce good quality embryos with DHís sperm which is great news.
- 5 weeks post ERPC and still testing positive although line is getting fainter.
- 11 weeks post ERPC and finally my period returns at long last.

Cycle 2: Long Protocol IMSI

- Down regulation on Synarel on Day 21, again period delayed by 6 days.
- Baseline scan AFC only 4 on each ovary so 8 total. Less than half what it has been previously, very worried.
- DH DNA fragmentation 40% but high damage number down to only 6% - huge improvement!
- 7 days of stimms on alternate days 225/300 Menopur scan shows only 2 follicles. Cycle cancelled.

Totally unexpected response given last time I responded so well, feeling very stressed and wonder whether post miscarriage followed by proper flu (temps of 40!) body was not ready to go again.

Now stuck in a weird sort of 2ww. After cycle was abandoned I stopped taking all drugs that day, two days later I had a lot of EWCM, very sore breasts and cramps Ė could it be ovulation? Something hormonal definitely going on. DH and I DTD lots just in case we get a natural miracle. AF due in 2 days, mind is totally playing tricks on me with weird symptoms like tea tasting really odd which only ever happened to be before during pregnancy. I think Iím going to test tomorrow just to put myself out of my misery. At least if Iím not pregnant as soon as AF turns up I can have my baseline scan and go again as Iím being switched to short protocol this time. Donít want to get my hopes up in any way as itís so unlikely but I had such a vivid dream that I was told it had worked and I was pregnant which is exactly what happened the night before I got my last BFP. Am driving myself mad!

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    Offline missl73

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    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #1 on: 17/04/19, 16:42 »
    I decided to do a test last night and I wish I hadn't bothered. I used FRER but it was 6pm, I'd been drinking water all day so it was really diluted and two days before AF is even due. I then drove myself crazy staring at it wondering if I had a squinter, at certain angles and it certain lights I was sure I could see a faint line but I'm sure I was just imagining things because I know where the line shows up. I've faithfully promised myself that I won't test again unless AF still hasn't shown up by Monday. Given that my AF always gets very disrupted by any kind of change I have a feeling it won't come this week and I won't be pregnant because I know that the chances of a natural BFP for us are incredibly low. *Sigh* it's such a waiting game and I'm so fed up with it, I just want to go again already!!!

    At least we have dinner out tonight with my family and my friend arrives to visit from Australia tomorrow so that will keep me distracted. Hoping to get away for Easter but as always we haven't been able to book anything because we didn't know whether I would need to be available for scans. If no AF by Friday then we can book as I'll be back in time even if it does start soon after that.

    Offline missl73

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    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #2 on: 18/04/19, 12:18 »
    AF watch: today is due day cycle day 29, no sign whatsoever and no signs it might be coming soon. Why do I get the feeling this is going to be a long wait!!

    Offline missl73

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    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #3 on: 19/04/19, 14:18 »
    Cycle day 30 still no AF, did another pregnancy test this time with FMU and it was negative so I'm sure now that it's going to stay that way - boobs are feeling a bit sore though so hopefully that's a sign AF isn't too far away... Booked a last minute weekend away on the Suffolk coast for Easter now we know I'm not going to be needed for a scan. Looking forward to a few days R&R with DH walking and enjoying the sunshine to keep my mind off things and feeling positive!

    Offline missl73

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    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #4 on: 22/04/19, 08:06 »
    Cycle Day 33 have been having cramps on and off all weekend but still no sign of my period. I really hope it comes next week or itís going to interfere with my work trip at the end of May. Starting a new job and IVF is a balancing act at the best of times.
    Have had a lovely weekend away on the Suffolk coast with DH, did a lovely long 10k walk yesterday and have eaten lots of good food. Need to get back into the gym tomorrow though as feeling rather heavy!
    We had a long chat about things, DH wants me to try not to think about it too much as he feels positive our time will come. I just hate the being in limbo stages - I have spent 16 weeks of this year patiently waiting for AF, once after the miscarriage (8 weeks not including the 3 weeks in December), on my last cycle (5 weeks) and now again (3 weeks and counting!) and it feels like forever!

    Offline missl73

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    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #5 on: 23/04/19, 16:56 »
    CD34: No AF still but I was so crampy last night and again this afternoon, surely this means it must be coming some time soon?? I emailed the IVF nurses today to ask what they want me to do as the scan doctor told me it should come about 10 days after stopping meds and now it's been over 3 weeks - I'm hoping they might take some bloods or do a scan just to try and work out where I am in my cycle at least.

    My brother sent me a link to a radio show which talked about IVF which I found a good listen and made me feel less alone - here's the link in case anybody is reading this and wants to listen too https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m00048wb

    I'm having one of those days feeling a bit down about it all and scared it will never happen. I just want to get back into the process, listening to these women on the radio most people seem to have a good few rounds in a year but all I ever seem to do is wait for AF. The miscarriage has added so much time to our journey and it makes me feel so irrationally angry not only that I had to lose my baby but that my body is taking so long to recover that I can't try again and all I want is to be pregnant again.


    Offline missl73

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    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #6 on: 25/04/19, 07:06 »
    CD36 The clinic have asked me to go in for a scan so we can try and see whatís going on and why my period still hasnít come back. Relieved to be doing something and not just waiting around. Still so crampy which is annoying as I constantly feel like Iím about to come on but then I donít. Had my IVF cycle gone to plan we would have been testing around about today so I feel sad that we havenít even got through to an EC yet. Such a test of patience itís now been 8 months since my first cycle and nearly 5 months since my miscarriage and there I was thinking weíd have been through another cycle and hopefully be pregnant by now.

    Offline missl73

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    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #7 on: 25/04/19, 14:37 »
    I hate this rollercoaster! So I had my scan today, and there was definitely something in my uterus, it could be a pregnancy or it could just be fluid. They've taken a beta HCG to confirm as they can't give me drugs to bring on a bleed unless they're certain I'm not pregnant which they can't be right now. Obviously it's really hard in this situation not to get your hopes up so of course as soon as I left the clinic I went and bought a HPT straight after as it has been about a week since I last tested and it was another stark BFN on a FRER so I'm now 99.9% sure they will tell me my HCG is 0 when they call tomorrow. It is hard though as I could see the nurses were a bit excited to see something there and hopeful for me that it would turn out to be a pregnancy.

    Still the good news was, my AFC was so much better than last month, still a little lower but no where near as bad, I had 8 follicles on my left ovary which is the same number I had in total across both last scan so that encourages me that it was just a bad month and on my new protocol and higher dose I should see a better response. Assuming my bloods come back tomorrow confirming I'm not pregnant they will give me drugs to bring on a bleed so we can finally crack on with my new cycle. Patience is certainly not one of my virtues so this process is certainly testing me!


    Offline missl73

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    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #8 on: 26/04/19, 10:28 »
    Clinic called this morning, as expected I'm not pregnant, having done the test yesterday I was fully in that head-space so didn't feel anything emotionally when they told me. My progesterone is low and my oestrogen is high so they think I must be mid-cycle, they've asked me to take the Ovitrelle trigger left over from my last cycle tomorrow and I'll start on Provera for 5 days from Monday to bring on a bleed then I can finally start stimms again. It's a relief to know it shouldn't be too long now to get started but I can't believe it's going to be May - such a joke that I thought I'd be doing it in January!!

    I'm a bit worried because now it looks very unlikely that I'm going to be able to travel to Seattle for my work conference as it might be just after EC but will probably clash with transfer. I not sure how it will go having to tell my new boss I can't go but this is my priority right now and I'm not waiting another month because of work. Such is life!

    Offline missl73

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    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #9 on: 27/04/19, 07:50 »
    Have taken the trigger shot this morning, start Provera on Monday so hoping period will come next weekend.

    DH and I have a wedding to go to today, had a total disaster yesterday where he left his suit on the train so heís had to go back to London while I stay at my parents half way 🙈 Anyway should be fun although we have both been off the booze for well over a year now because of IVF and now our next cycle is imminent seems silly to waste all that effort so I will have a glass of wine but thatís it. Itís a black tie wedding and I was worried about what Iíd wear at I would have been almost 32 weeks by now with our little girl but it wasnít to be so Iíve chosen the hottest dress I could find because if I canít be pregnant I might as well look great right?!!!