* Author Topic: Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow  (Read 17605 times)

0 Members

Offline missl73

  • Gold Member
  • *****
modify
Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
« Reply #140 on: 20/11/19, 15:43 »
Somewhere around 13 weeks depending which dates we go by either 12+5 according to IVF or 13+3 according to NHS dating scan. Went back for my blood re-draw for the Harmony on Monday, results should be in by Friday if I don't hear by then I'll assume it was an inconclusive test again due to lack of fetal DNA. Having had 3 scans in two weeks where baby looks happy and healthy has done a lot to put my mind at ease. Still waiting to receive the specific results from the NHS Triple Test but I know it's low risk as no news is good news, but it would be nice to see the actual results in numbers. Or maybe it wouldn't?! If they're close then it might just stress me out and there's nothing we can do - the only other step to take would be NIPT which we've already tried through the Harmony otherwise it's waiting until the anomaly scan at 20 weeks anyway. DH doesn't want to do any more scans before the next NHS one but I'm not sure if I can handle going that long without a check in. I think I should get to at least listen to the heartbeat at my next midwife appointment which is at between 16/17 weeks. I'm starting to get a bit of a bump now which is lovely, I love looking in the mirror and seeing my body start to change.

FertilityFriends

  • Advertisement
  • ***

    Offline missl73

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #141 on: 22/11/19, 15:14 »
    Second result from the Harmony came back the same - not enough fetal DNA and although not surprised, I'm still devastated. The clinic I felt were hugely irresponsible, just told me they'd give me a refund and washed their hands of me, oh and for good measure let me know that they'd never had a second draw come back the same which obviously made me feel great. Dr Google has not been my friend and I have to face it, the reality is, two failed results for this type of test is associated with an increased likelihood of abnormalities. I've emailed my midwife and asked to speak to the consultant about what we should do next. We still haven't received the actual written results from our NHS screening yet so I need to talk to someone who knows what they're talking about whether this means we need to start considering more invasive tests like amnio. It's so tough, if we did an amnio and it came back normal but I miscarried because of the test I don't know how I'd ever forgive myself. I hate what going through our last miscarriage and our many years of failed fertility treatments has done to me - I find it impossible not to expect the worst and constantly feel like I'm waiting for someone to rip this away from me. To face a loss now, after seeing a baby on a scan that actually looks like a baby and was happily wriggling around will be so much worse than what we endured last time. I think it would break me. I wish there were something I could do to make myself feel better but there isn't, I just have to wait for the midwives to come back to me  :'(

    Offline missl73

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #142 on: 23/11/19, 13:04 »
    NHS results have arrived, <1:20,000 for Edwards and Patau and 1:12,077 for Downís which has made me feel a lot better. I expect the consultant will tell me to just wait now until my 20 week scan.

    Offline missl73

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #143 on: 25/11/19, 08:34 »
    Time to make some changes to protect my mental health and reduce my anxiety. I want to start enjoying my pregnancy instead of constantly worrying about things going wrong. I realise how addicted (and reliant) on forums I have become - there is no way I could have got through the ups and downs of the last 2 years without the support of the amazing, strong and brave women Iíve met online and Iíve learnt so much. However, during pregnancy Iíve found it more of a double edged sword. Women are so much more likely to post when things go wrong and every time I see a post about a miscarriage or a 20-week scan where abnormalities are detected I decide thatís going to be me too. For my own sanity I need to step away, I can continue to support other women going through IVF and keep up my diary but I actually think I need to not be involved in conversations with other mums-to-be at the same stage I am until my head is in a better place.

    Offline missl73

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #144 on: 3/12/19, 16:43 »
    15+2 Getting there and into a better mental place which is good. Bump is definitely getting bigger I'm only wearing my maternity jeans now and I need to get some bigger tops so that's helping to encourage me while I still don't feel any movement and probably won't for quite some time due to my anterior placenta. My nausea has pretty much subsided now so physically I also feel a lot better, I've even started back in the gym which feels great - I had forgotten how much I need exercise for my mental wellbeing too. Just over a week to go until my next midwife appointment, DH has promised he will come as they said they'll listen to the heartbeat on a Doppler so that's bound to trigger my anxiety if they don't find it quickly. Having had 2 weeks off work signed off sick I'm back in the office now, I'm actually enjoying being around my team again. The crazy thing is I realised I only have about 16 working weeks left when I take into account the leave I'm taking off over Christmas!

    Offline missl73

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #145 on: 10/12/19, 08:00 »
    16+2 Iíve had a private referral for CBT to help manage my anxiety. The woman who did the assessment was so lovely and understanding and said it was very understandable that I feel the way I do with my history and whatís happened before but we agreed I need some help to better manage it and we want to lower my risk of post natal depression by getting me into a good place. I feel quite relieved. I have my next midwife appointment in 3 days. Iím feeling ok about it now. I am starting to feel some unusual sensations which I donít know if they are the baby moving or just my food digesting! I canít wait to feel proper kicks, I think it would be so reassuring. 

    Offline missl73

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #146 on: 13/12/19, 11:47 »
    16+5 Midwife appointment today. Mum came with me Iím so glad she was there. The midwife was lovely, very understanding and listened to my worries. They said they usually donít listen to the baby at this appointment but  she agreed to because Iíd been so anxious. It was quite hard to find the heartbeat as the baby is sitting quite low in my pelvis and my placenta is at the front so very noisy. Because Mum is a doctor sheís used a Doppler plenty herself so she knew what she was listening for and Iím certain the midwife would have given up if she hadnít been there which would have left me even more anxious. It was very reassuring knowing that today, baby is alive and well. Four weeks to go until the 20-week scan. I can do this.

    Offline missl73

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #147 on: 19/12/19, 08:39 »
    17+4 I think I might have felt movements for the first time last night! I was lying down in bed and the best way I can describe it was like being gently tickled from the inside or gentle tapping. I wouldnít have noticed it if I wasnít lying still and paying attention Iím sure. I hope I get to feel it again soon! My best friend told me sheís pregnant with her 3rd!! Sheís almost exactly 4 weeks behind me. Itís so nice to be able to hear a pregnancy announcement and be excited without any of the usual sadness that accompanies that kind of news - Iím excited to have someone to share my maternity leave with.

    Offline missl73

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #148 on: 24/12/19, 21:24 »
    18+2 Christmas Eve. I feel so incredibly blessed to have the best Christmas present I could have asked for this year with (so far) a healthy pregnancy. My bump is pretty noticeable now so itís been nice to share the news with more friends and family and to celebrate with them. Babyís movements have increased a lot this past couple of days and I can now feel little flutters often and not only at night. Every time I feel something it makes me smile. Compared to this time last year where I was still grieving the loss only two weeks prior of our first little miracle, it feels like weíve come a really long way. I wish we had got to meet her but if we had we wouldnít have got to meet the beautiful baby growing inside me now, so I have to trust that life is working out the way it was supposed to. Merry Christmas to all my fellow IVF warriors, you are all amazing and I hope 2020 brings a happy and joyful year for you all.

    Offline missl73

    • Gold Member
    • *****
    modify
    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #149 on: 4/01/20, 22:12 »
    20 weeks: On holiday in Australia, bump is really showing now, there were a few friends who we hadnít told we were expecting who got a surprise when they saw us and you couldnít miss it! Getting wiggles and kicks daily now and some days really quite strong, I think DH will be able to feel them properly soon too. I love feeling the baby it makes me feel so much better. Weíre having our 20 week scan late once we get back to the UK at 21+1. Fingers crossed everything goes ok. MIL is causing me some anxiety, sheís not coping well with the thought of us having a baby back in the UK and she cries every day which is exhausting and doesnít make us enjoy our time here. She absolutely sees this as being about her grandchild, Iím just a vessel for that and nothing else in her eyes. Weíre currently in debate about whether they come to us or we go to visit them when the baby is a couple of months old. I told them Iíd they come to us they have to get an air bnb near by and that didnít go down well - she and I donít get on at the best of times and I canít cope with 3 weeks of them everyday while DH goes to work I just canít. I can see weíre going to have to set some strict boundaries pretty early.