* Author Topic: Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow  (Read 17602 times)

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Offline missl73

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Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
« Reply #80 on: 17/07/19, 16:49 »
CD3: Had my scan today, lining is nice and thin and ovaries look good no cysts. Starting my Progynova, vitamin E and aspirin today. Back on the healthy diet, no more booze and lots of exercise to promote blood flow. I'm already getting headaches from the Synarel so I need to keep my fluids up, even more important in this warm weather. I hope DH and I can get back on track, we've taken this most recent disappointment hard and it's caused us to argue a lot which in 10 years, has never been something we've done much of. It's sad really the amount of strain this process puts on even the strongest of relationships.

I promise to stop banging on about progesterone levels soon (maybe if this cycle works!), but I found the study that I think my clinic have used to develop their own cut-offs for progesterone: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/277963570_Mid-luteal_serum_progesterone_concentrations_govern_implantation_rates_for_cryopreserved_embryo_transfers_conducted_under_hormone_replacement. I don't want to lose it as I want to keep a record of all the helpful research papers I've uncovered in case they are of use to others who find themselves in this situation. This paper found that the ideal level in an HRT FET is between 50 - 99 nmol/L.

I also learned from this paper, that my 5AB blastocyst is not considered a top or high grade, it's only a medium level grade with a 46% pregnancy rate and a 38% live birth rate per transfer whereas my 5AA had a 64% pregnancy rate and a 50% live birth rate so I'm already almost 20% less likely to have implantation and 12% less likely to get a baby from this embryo than I was from the last. This most certainly does not fill me with hope. I think I have to prepare myself that it's quite likely that this will not work again.

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    Offline missl73

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    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #81 on: 18/07/19, 06:38 »
    CD4: went for a long walk with DH last night which I think was good to clear the air and get back on track. I havenít told him how pessimistic I feel about this cycle or told him how much the odds are stacked against us. There is no point in bringing him down with me. Off to yoga this morning to try and get my head back into a better place as my negativity isnít going to help anything and it isnít going to protect me from the worst Iím going to be disappointed regardless if it doesnít work. *sigh* I wish this process were easier or with greater certainty as to why things were working/not working.

    Offline missl73

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    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #82 on: 19/07/19, 07:13 »
    CD5: I know Iím anxious because Iím obsessing and reading too much, more studies on embryo quality and this time it said 5AB is considered good, not top but better than medium and had higher rates than the one I read the other day. I need to stop. I think having had 2 ďperfectĒ embryos transferred Iím worried about anything less than that which is silly because lots of women get pregnant with embryos that arenít AA. I have to trust that sorting the progesterone will solve my problems.

    Offline missl73

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    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #83 on: 20/07/19, 07:33 »
    CD6: I have to go to the clinic this morning for an unplanned medication run because I had my handbag stolen last night which had my progynova and synarel in it (not to mention my work laptop and the fact it was an expensive designer handbag). It just feels like I can't catch a break at the moment. I know it's only stuff and stuff can be replaced but you can't help but feel so angry. We spoke to the manager of the place where we were when it happened and the entire thing is caught clearly on CCTV so all I can picture now is this awful woman just walking off with my bag and in the 3 minutes it took me to notice it was missing, she's long gone. Why are there such crappy people out there in the world? She was clearly an opportunist because I was at a theatre when it happened so she's had to pay for a ticket to see the show, she took it during the intermission and then immediately left the building.

    Offline missl73

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    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #84 on: 21/07/19, 09:39 »
    CD7: Iím not doing any of the things I did last time like Pom juice, hot water bottles etc I just donít believe any of it it works or the clinic would be telling me to do it. This time Iím trusting the meds and the meds alone. Iíve pretty much resigned myself to doing another fresh in October time anyway.

    My MIL really annoyed me yesterday, weíve had 2 transfers total one of which got me pregnant (so not exactly many) and weíre having IVF due to MFI and yesterday sheís like I think itís time you move on to donor eggs. WTF!! There is nothing wrong with my eggs, in fact they we have never had a single poor quality embryo at day 3 when itís the eggs doing the work - literally all grade 1. Talk about denial that her precious son might be the reason we need help with fertility treatment. Now, obviously I donít blame him, itís not his fault his testicles didnít descend properly and Iím happy to do whatever it takes to make a baby. But who the hell does she think she is. I think itís because his auntie used a donor - difference was she was 47. I am 32. Iím sure itís that MIL just doesnít understand but I wish sheíd keep her opinions to herself quite honestly before making suggestions that I shouldnít get to have my own biological child when there is literally nothing wrong with my eggs.

    Offline missl73

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    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #85 on: 23/07/19, 08:34 »
    CD9: It's been a rough week. Things with DH and I have not been good, the strain and pressure that IVF puts on a relationship is insane. I've always thought of us as really strong, but this has almost broken us. DH has not been coping at all well, and I've been so focused on myself and how I'm feeling that I haven't really been there to support him. I'm really sad that it's taken us to this point, we both deserve better from each other. I've taken a couple of days out and been to stay with my parents and I think the space has done us good and we will get back to a better place. I hope that we can rebuild so we are strong enough to go through with the next transfer. I'm not sure that 2 days of crying and barely eating or sleeping is creating the best environment for my body to get pregnant but scan is at the end of the week so we'll see.

    Offline missl73

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    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #86 on: 25/07/19, 07:16 »
    CD11: Things with DH have improved, we've had a long talk and I think things will be better moving forward. We both intend to make better use of the free counseling service offered by our clinic and DH is going to do some sessions on his own which I think is a good idea. Scan day tomorrow, I think it's going to be too early and I'll need a few more days. Nobody else's clinic seems to do 7 days of progesterone instead of 5, I have to trust in their protocol though I guess...

    Offline missl73

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    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #87 on: 26/07/19, 12:26 »
    CD12: Scan day. Iím so glad I have this diary to look back on and compare. As I suspected itís way too soon, my lining today was 5.3mm, last time it was 6.3mm by cycle day 14 and 7.5mm by cycle day 17. Next scan booked for Wednesday which will be CD17 again so by then Iíd expect it to be thick enough. Transfer looks like it will be the 6th August. Next time Iím not letting them waste any of our time by scanning me too early itís pointless!! This is when you know they just push you through the process rather than paying attention to what happens for your individual body!

    Offline missl73

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    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #88 on: 27/07/19, 09:45 »
    CD13: I just canít bring myself to feel positive about this cycle, I feel like Iím just going through the motions quite honestly. We want to book a holiday for early September to celebrate our 10 year anniversary but donít know how to time it when we know weíll likely be having our 3rd FET. I was so positive going into our last one despite failure before so I donít know why I donít seem to be able to change my attitude for this one but I just canít.

    Offline missl73

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    Fresh cycle #2.5, hoping for our rainbow
    « Reply #89 on: 29/07/19, 19:12 »
    CD16: Scan day tomorrow. Still feeling very meh about the entire process. I'm expecting my lining to be over 7mm so it will be a bit of a shock if it's not. I'm not looking forward to starting the prontogest injections again my backside has only just recovered from the last round! Quite funny thinking I'll probably be PUPO again by this time next week.