* Author Topic: adopted daughter hates me,  (Read 1048 times)

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Offline terry1976

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adopted daughter hates me,
« on: 11/08/19, 01:23 »
Ready nee advise.  We brought hime our DD 6 days ago after having a week of intros.  She is the most adorable 1yr old, the problems is she really hates being alone with me.  Just has attached and bonded so well with DH and literally screams and cry to get to him if I attempt to hold her, bath her.  She is fine with me playing but if DH even looks as if he is leaving the room she has a complete melt down and my heart breaks.
She has been with the most amazing foster mum since birth and they obviously had a close bond.

In every other aspect she has been truly amazing sleeps for 10 hours loves her food and loves playing with daddy ( I;m tollerated ).

I think it makes it worse as we had never planned this - kids normally find my DH a bit boring and I'm. always the fun one so leading up to our adoption worked a lot on his children interaction.

Wow I have waffled !!! The question I'm asking really is can anyone help or give any advise on how to work on her relationship with me. 

thanks everyone xxx

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    adopted daughter hates me,
    « Reply #1 on: 11/08/19, 02:07 »
    It could be just a phase. She just came into your home.

    But let me ask a question, that might sound strange: how do you know she had a strong bond with the foster mum? Maybe she had experience that wasnít positive and for that reason, she is afraid of being alone with another female. How does she react to other people?

    Offline GERTIE179

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    adopted daughter hates me,
    « Reply #2 on: 11/08/19, 08:58 »
    Hi Terry,


    You are not alone - this is actually quite normal. Your daughter has lost everything she knows. Sheís doing what she needs to survive. Plenty of advice and posts on here so please do read through. Just take it easy on yourselves and give her time and build up slowly. Have your partner include you so she feels she can trust you both.
    Think newborn, lots of skin on skin contact. Baby bottles if need be and snuggles and you will find things get easier.
    Iíll try find a great advice post that helped me when I was in your shoes 7 years ago - my boy and I now have the strongest relationship now but we did have tricky early months.
    X

    Offline CLD6

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    adopted daughter hates me,
    « Reply #3 on: 12/08/19, 22:22 »
    Our son was placed with us at 16 months old.  We were in the same situation, he bonded with my husband straight away and I felt like he just tolerated me. It got easier when my husband went back to work but I would say it took a good 8 months to a year until I felt he had bonded me with me as well as he had bonded with my husband. When I think through my sons history itís clear why he distrusts women , he has been let down by them however Itís really hard to not take it personally 😞 get your husband to include you in whatever he is doing so she sees that she can also trust you