* Author Topic: Struggling to cope after finding no heartbeat at Scan  (Read 853 times)

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Offline jenstuttz

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We have had 5 bites at the cherry so far. 1 IUI, 2 Fresh, and 2 Frozen getting a BFP on the 1st fresh cycle of our 2nd round. When we went for the 6week scan there was a pregnancy sac and a small yolk, 10 days later a barely there heartbeat and we were given a 1% chance of it being viable. A week later we were given the devastating but not unexpected news that the heartbeat had stopped and advised to stop meds and try to see if things got going naturally.

Almost a week later and nothing. So tomorrow we are off to the hospital to talk next steps.

I can barely make it through each day, im losing track of time and i have no idea what I'm doing. Im like a zombie waiting for this miscarriage to happen naturally. I burst into tears. I stay in bed all day. I feel like giving up.

I know i should be appreciative that we have so many chances to try again but all i can think of at the moment is that feeling of joy seeing those two lines on the test for the first time ever. At 37.

I feel like i can't breathe. My heart aches and i have no motivation. My legs feel like lead and im scared about the next steps.

For the first time in 8 years I felt like this was our time and we have cruelly had the rug torn from under us and we face the long journey of starting again. Im scared we will never be lucky and get pregnant again. Im scared that im too old.

Everyone keeps telling me that im so brave but i don't feel it. I feel lost and alone despite having loads of people around who i know care about me.

I think once this miscarriage is over im going to try and arrange some counseling but right now it feels like my life is over. I hate being so dramatic as i know im not the only one to experience this but it just feels so unfair.

Please tell me it gets easier with time.

Jen

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    Online missl73

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    Struggling to cope after finding no heartbeat at Scan
    « Reply #1 on: 14/10/19, 18:07 »
    Jen I am so so sorry for your loss, Iíve been in your position following IVF and itís absolutely devastating. I promise it does get easier and time is a great healer but I still think about the baby I lost all the time and there are tougher days (like my due date) than others. Studies have shown that if you get pregnant even if it ends in miscarriage you are statistically more likely to get pregnant again on your next cycle so there is plenty to be hopeful for. I chose to have an ERPC after my MMC and the day of the operation was a wet and miserable day in December, when we turned into our street on the way home from the hospital there was a huge rainbow over our house and although I donít believe in these things usually, I couldnít help but feel the universe was telling us one day we would get our rainbow baby. We found the strength to go again and one year on Iím pregnant again (I have my first scan tomorrow and Iím terrified the same thing is going to happen to me again). I know that right now youíre hurting and thatís perfectly natural, you need to take this time to grieve and come to terms with what has happened. I found that talking to people and telling them actually helped me, I wanted them to acknowledge my loss and that my baby did exist. I think getting some counselling is a great idea. Take care of yourself and if you ever need to talk feel free to PM me xxx

    Offline Ms G

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    Struggling to cope after finding no heartbeat at Scan
    « Reply #2 on: 14/10/19, 23:23 »
    Jen,

    Iím so sorry. A miscarriage is a terrible thing for anyone but to suffer it after waiting and trying for so long is even more devastating.

    Whilst you never forget, it does get easier to cope. I had very similar feelings and took a couple of weeks of work after my miscarriages. It was hard to care about anything when things felt so hopeless. Donít tell yourself that you should or shouldnít feel a certain way. Accept the way you feel and give yourself some time to heal from this. Counselling is a very good option.

    Like missl I opted for an ERPC as nothing was happening after one week of waiting and I found that very difficult to cope with.

    I donít have any inspirational answers. Just time, love and kindness will get you through. Look after each other.

    Sending you much love and courage, Ms G. x

    Offline -Susan-

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    Struggling to cope after finding no heartbeat at Scan
    « Reply #3 on: 14/10/19, 23:48 »
    Iím so sorry. I had a similar situation to you (saw heartbeat then miscarried) and I donít think youíre being unreasonably dramatic, itís completely understandable how youíre feeling - youíve suffered a loss of a much wanted pregnancy, you believed you were going to have a baby and are now grieving for it. It is such an amazing feeling seeing the BFP, you start planning and hoping for a happy future as a mummy, and to have that snatched from you after everything you go through to get there, is so unfair. With the first miscarriage I had I even quit my job, it was stressful enough (teaching a very challenging class)) but the miscarriage pushed me over the edge. I guess I had a kind of breakdown. I was in tears for weeks, it maybe sounds over the top but I felt traumatised, first losing a much wanted pregnancy then dealing with it so badly I quit my career. But, it got easier. Slowly I came to terms with it, got a different kind of job and started to look forward again. Unfortunately, Iím losing a pregnancy again just now, but lots of women go on to have babies after a miscarriage. Iíve had a baby through treatment myself, before my losses.

    I guess what Iím saying is it is very hard, itíll take time but youíll slowly come to terms with it. Youíre grieving, and unfortunately you canít rush that, you have to go through the process. Be gentle with yourself, and when you feel ready, think about how you want to move forward. I know it might not seem like it, but just the fact you got pregnant  is a good sign. It shows you can get pregnant, and if it happened this time it could very well happen again, but hopefully go to term next time. Sending gentle hugs xx

    Offline Foxyloxy

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    Struggling to cope after finding no heartbeat at Scan
    « Reply #4 on: 17/10/19, 22:57 »
    Hi Jen,


    I just saw your post and it reminded me so much of what I felt and went through many years ago. You are definitely not being dramatic, a loss/miscarriage is horrible but even harder I feel for us ladies that have had to go through so much just to get a BFP in the first place. I too felt like my life was over, after my first miscarriage, and couldn't imagine doing more treatment or carrying on but somehow you do find inner strength and as corny as it may sound time really is a great healer. Just give yourself time to deal with this and be kind to yourself. Counselling may help too. Above all else remember that if you have had a BFP that is a really good thing as I remember my IVF clinic telling me that if your body can do it, the odds of it working again is very good. My clinic said it means your body knows how to get pregnant and statistically higher chance of it working in the future. I defied so many odds and never thought I would have one, let alone 3 children, so please don't give up hope. If you ever want to chat or need more support please feel free to PM me. Sending you big  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^reiki^


    Foxyloxy xx

    Offline jenstuttz

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    Struggling to cope after finding no heartbeat at Scan
    « Reply #5 on: 22/10/19, 18:11 »
    Thank you all for your lovely words. I think finally i am starting to feel better.

    It just feels like this whole process has been drawn out since finding out we had no heartbeat it will be almost 2 weeks. I made the decision to have the surgical management and was booked in for this on Thursday as we were waiting to see if i could naturally miscarry first.

    Ended up in urgent care last night with heavy bleeding and excruciating pain. I was given an injection to help with the cramps and spasms and today passed a huge clot which im sure was the pregnancy tissue. Im booked in for a scan and bloods to check everything has come away.

    I now feel like i can start to grieve properly and began the long healing process. I have found such comfort in your words that i am not alone. I am certainly filled with more hope for the future.

    I have arranged for some counseling and we are planning to book a little break away before we start looking to try again. This will probably be in the new year now.

    Jen

    x