* Author Topic: Not a newbie but been away a while and it's all getting to much again  (Read 415 times)

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Offline Raikonen

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Hi everyone
I hope your well and taking care of yourselves in these uncertain times.
This is gonna be long so I appologise.
I was here years ago and everyone was amazing, I couldn't of got through what I did without you all.
Iam back again with the same problem but different options and it's so hard!!

So last time I was here i had been through all the motions had all the tests, been diagnosed and was in my way to IVF.
Anyway the day before I was due to start my IVF journey I found out my then husband had been cheating on me with everyone and anyone. His excuse well you can't give me a baby so might Aswell screw some people that can!!!! Such a charmer rite!!
So I left him that day packed up and moved as far away as I possibly could (yes I took the dog).

Fast forward 6/7 years iam now in my early 30s and have and amazing partner and step child. It's been a roller-coaster ride and everything had been put on the back burner while we sorted some issues out with my little bonus baby. Court cases, counselling, tears and smiles but now all that's sorted and bonus baby is on the rite track and safe babies have come to forefront of our life and this time round it's so much harder, every month seems harder when aunt Flow comes to visit, I don't know if its because iam older and know time is running out or if its because I have this amazing kid in my life and its made me want to be a mummy even more. I had so much anger for a long time over the fact that this woman could have a baby and just treat it like crap for years of its life, hold it from its daddy and use it as a weapon, not fight and then leave when this kid wasn't in her custody anymore and act like my bonus baby never existed and here is me and so many other women I know desperate for a baby to give everything to and we can't!! But I think iam over that now.
So I had all the tests again and my other half has had tests to, no issues his end but I still have PCOS (I know shocker rite!! It hasn't just done one!!) so iam now having to go through fertility again but this time knowing I have even less of a chance then I had last time as I will not be granted IVF this time round or alot of the other treatments either.
I guess iam back because I feel like iam falling apart and will never be a mummy and its killing me and I don't have anyone to talk to about it that understands, all my friends and family have children and haven't had any issue at all conceiving infact there's been a few surprise babies. They are supportive and there for me but they all say the same thing. Oh it will happen don't worry you will get there etc etc you know all the normal things people say when they don't really know what else to say.

Iam just hoping for people to talk to and sound of like last time and like last time iam here for you all to.

If you got this far thank you for taking the time to read.

Also I would like to appologise, iam serverly dyslexic so my spelling and punctuation is terrible and sometimes I can drone on and things can come across jumbled so please bear with me.

Thank you everyone 😘


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