Hi,
My husband and I have been together for 4 years, trying for a baby the last 3 years, and married for the last 18 months.
In 2018 we did 2 rounds of ICSI due to my age (43 now) and sperm quality issues, and 1 FET. No positive pregnancy tests.
In 2019 we got spontaneously pregnant twice in February and June, both of which ended in missed miscarriage.
I was so sure I would get pregnant again but I didn't. We decided to give it to the end of December 2019 and then we would re-assess. A big reason for this is we have been living by a strict regime to optimise our chances in terms of nutrition, supplements, avoiding zika countries etc.that my husband couldn't take much more off. We hadn't had fun for a long time.
To cut a long story short, I have been a crazy woman since the miscarriages, obsessed with having a baby at any cost, refusing to be happy or enjoy myself as it felt disrespectful to my baby losses, to the point where my husband would be cut down if he tried to be positive or suggest we would be happy without children.
Our relationship deteriorated around Christmas. We decided to start marriage counselling in early January. By the first session he has decided that our marriage is over, he won't give me a chance, and staying together is too much of a risk to his mental health. He only attended a couple more counselling sessions, not even with a proper marriage counsellor (with a fertility counsellor at one of the clinics we had attended).
This has been a massive shock to me and I would do anything to make it up to him, but he is adament.
I am a mess, I did not see this coming and now I have lost my chance to be a mum and my husband. I do not know how to process this, and I literally have nothing meaningful left in my life.
I am thinking at some point to consider becoming a mum on my own, but I don't know where to start and I am already fatigued with all the research and information gathering I have done over the past 3 years to get my husband and I pregnant. I took it too far and neglected everything else in my life.
I am so sad that if i do it on my own it won't be my husband's child, it won't have a dad or siblings or grandparents

Is anyone else in a similar situation who can offer me any hope for the future and how to get through this?
Thank you.