* Author Topic: What did you do to feel better?  (Read 617 times)

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Offline NJR

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What did you do to feel better?
« on: 10/02/20, 18:24 »
It's been 4 months since my miscarriage and I don't feel like I've moved on at all.  If you've had a miscarriage, what did you do to help get you to a better frame of mind?  Any tips on things you found helpful or ways you came to terms with what had happened?

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    Offline Tincancat

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    What did you do to feel better?
    « Reply #1 on: 10/02/20, 19:31 »
    It's not been long for you.  Give yourself more time and eventually you will find you have more good days than bad days and the gaps between the really awful days gets longer.  I found taking each day as it comes and accepting that some days aren't good there is always a tomorrow which might be a good day.  I tried to do practical things like painting the house digging the garden which didn't require my full attention where helpful.  The second time it happened I'd reached a point where I was thinking oh no not again and there is nothing I can do to speed the process up which I found annoying.  I knew I had to go through the grieving process and you have to give yourself time to go through it too.  You never forget but it's not so raw with time.
    TCCx

    Offline AmberJ

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    What did you do to feel better?
    « Reply #2 on: 10/02/20, 19:32 »
    I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. 4 months is a very short time and I think grieving the loss of your baby does take time.  I've never been in your position so I can't relate, although I have had x3 failed egg collections and x1 failed FET last week so I do understand about the pain and heartache of infertility.
    I've lived in my pyjamas this past week, spoken to friends who I know can make me laugh, shared my pain with the friends I know to be compassionate and understanding and got lots of hugs off my OH. To feel better I also have to focus on something positive, whether it's massive like a change of job, or small like a weekend away.
    Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to feel. I've been told that it does get easier xx

    Offline Bubbles12

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    What did you do to feel better?
    « Reply #3 on: 10/02/20, 20:40 »
    I think you should cut yourself a little slack, as other posters have said, its only been 4 months and losing a baby is probably up there in one of the most horrendous things a woman/parent can go through.

    After my 1st MC i cried every single day for 3 months... no word of a lie, it was tiring
     The only thing that picked me back up was getting back on the fertility road again. Only, 6 months after my 1st MC, i suffered my 2nd.
    That was black... my whole world was just black. I never ever want to go back to that place ever again

    As clžche as it sounds, time helps... alot. Having something to concentrate on, like a focus, REALLY helps. For me, it was IVF... just to keep going at it until i got what i wanted. For you, if your not feeling up to TTC just yet, perhaps a holiday.. or a room to decorate.

    You will get there in end...

    Be kind to yourself xxx

    Offline NJR

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    What did you do to feel better?
    « Reply #4 on: 11/02/20, 08:17 »
    Thanks everyone.  I feel like at 4 months on I should be feeling better than this but maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself.  I'll try to take your advice and find something positive to focus on for now.

    Offline StrawberrySundae

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    « Reply #5 on: 11/02/20, 09:27 »
    Itís a really awful thing to go through. Sending you a hug  ^hugme^ Try googling compassion focused approaches, Mindfulness and just plan ahead, find things to do and be nice to yourself. Youíll get there xx

    Offline staceysm

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    « Reply #6 on: 11/02/20, 09:49 »
    I had 2 natural pregnancies that ended in miscarriage before i got my son and I was always told that a miscarriage happens because there is something wrong with the baby and he/she wouldnít be strong enough to develop and survive.

    Not everyone will agree with this, but for me personally it helped me to come to terms with the loss.

    Sending you hugs.

    X

    Offline Cloudy

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    « Reply #7 on: 17/02/20, 22:45 »
    I had a bracelet engraved with the date and name of the baby we lost: itís really subtle and only we know itís there, but it really helps me acknowledge the loss. I know some people try to forget, but itís not something that would help me. I also have a tea light holder that I light whenever I want to remember.

    You are still very early days so please be kind to yourself. I also had counselling which helped massively xxx

    Offline brooky

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    What did you do to feel better?
    « Reply #8 on: 15/03/20, 15:03 »
    Hi, Iím so sorry for your loss. just suffering my second miscarriage, took me a good 7/8 months to feel ready to try again from last time. This time hasnít been as horrendous as last time. I would recommend a book called Ďsaying goodbyeí by Zoe Clarke-Cotes. I found this really helpful last time. I also would recommend buying yourself some memorial jewellery as another member said. Another thing that I found really helpful was having a very simple ceremony with my partner and planting a tree. I did this about 6 months later and it really gave me a massive amount of closure. Maybe you could bury something to represent baby under the tree or a plant of some kind, like a piece of jewellery or a precious stone or even a letter to baby. If you havenít got anywhere to plant a tree, you can plant something in a pot or in a family members garden or somewhere else special to you. I think as humans we need ceremony in our lives to help process things. I hope this is helpful to you. Also, talk about it whenever you need to to whoever you trust and get some counselling. Iíve had counselling with a pregnancy loss charity for almost a year now and itís definitely helped. Even just having it recognised that I had some ptsd helped. I only carried on this long due to having further ivf and needing the support with that. All the best to you and remember you are not alone. Xxx