Crossroads > Moving On

When to call it a day

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We never expected to have to do IVF. I fell pregnant naturally so quickly with our daughter that if we have anymore children, it would be easy. Our daughter was an extremely difficult baby to care for and at 7 months she was diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type 1 - a rare neurological condition that comes with an average life expectancy of just 8 months. There was no treatment, only palliative care. She passed away in 2016, aged 10 months.

We got referred for genetic counselling and asked to be further referred for PGD IVF in London. A year after this, we started our first cycle. It took over a year to complete, three transfers and nothing to show for it. Every appointment requires days off work and hours and hours of travelling. We started our second cycle in September 2019 and got very few eggs and only managed to have one unaffected embryo. Again it failed.

We only have one more funded cycle and there is no way we could ever pay for this privately - the lab costs alone are around 7000-8000. I have requested and was given an appointment for investigations to see whether they could find out why it isn't working (every doctor has said it should) but I am increasingly wondering whether it is worth it? I am surrounded by women whose eldest kids are my daughter's age and have since had one or two more. All of them healthy. It just feels like a slap in the face every time someone else announces they are expecting.

We have begun to look into adoption a bit more seriously. Our IVF is on hold due to coronavirus and most adoption agencies recommend a six month break before looking into adoption. We are at 6 months post the failure of our second cycle now. I know the adoption process is long and difficult. But I am not sure I can get myself through another invasive IVF cycle. Each failure has been worse than the last and each time it takes me longer to pick myself up.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated

Hi SMA mum

I am so sorry to read about the tragic passing of your daughter, sending you a huge hug  ^hugme^ ^hugme^

It doesn't sound as if you are ready to give up on becoming a Mum, be that through IVF or adoption, they both bring their own challenges. Have you considered donor IVF abroad? Its not for everyone but its generally much easier on you physically than own egg IVF. My only daughter is a result of DE IVF and the process was so much easier and cheaper than having treatment in the UK. i am not really sure about adoption as we didn't get that far in the end but I believe it is a lot easier these days and less red tape. I guess its down to how you feel inside whether you think you could endure treatment again once this virus has passed. Its good to give yourself at least 6 months between treatments to let your body and mind recover.

I wish you lots of strength to come to the right decision for you.

Good luck xx

Im so sorry that you lost your daughter. I can't even imagine how hard that must be and I'm sure makes the process now of IVF even more painful when it doesn't work.  Agree with artypants re donor eggs, I went through early menopause so never did IVF with my own eggs. We have a 3 year old through DE abroad in Greece, and we are still in midst of further treatment to try for a sibling, but unfortunately it's halted by Coronavirus. Our transfer last month didn't work so I'm waiting go go back out for next FET.

It is Def easier on your body, from what I've heard. Your only bit is to get lining right, and the logistics of flying out for transfer isn't as bad as it might seem. There's obv no guarantee with that, but your odds for success are pretty high and it takes a lot of pressure off you.

If it doesn't work for us we are also considering adoption so I understand what you mean re the 6 month wait, if your there already you wouldn't want to put that back by starting new treatment, but only you know if your ready to go down that route and if your ready to let go of the pregnant side of things. It's really hard to know what to go, best of luck with everything xx

sorry to hear about your little girl, the hardest thing in life is to lose a child

I cant really comment on your situation as mine isnt the same but I just wanted to say if your worry is cost then there are cheaper options, we struggled for 9 years and couldnt afford IVF OOP so I looked abroad. We went to Reprofit and I would recommend it to anyone, they have fantastic success rates and are an affordible option, we where there 1 week cost about 3000 in all (we did mini IVF) and its a holiday too, we spent very little time in the hospital so went and saw many attractions including the catacombs and the z10 bunker.

Full IVF is currently 2200 including ICSI & Assisted Hatching but that doesnt include meds (mine where only 300 from fertility4u)
PGD is still very expensive but looking at reprofit its 3150 for upto 6 embryos

and if you are open to other adoption options they also do embryo adoption which is 1140 (this would have been our plan B if we couldnt get pregnant with our own eggs/sperm)

K jade:
Sorry im probably sounding a bit stroppy here but just to comment on opossums post and embryo 'adoption'

Its true that Reprofit offer treatment with double donor embryos and this was the route that finally got me my beautiful boy after around 10 yrs ttc

But using donor eggs and sperm to conceive really has nothing to do with adoption.  A child born from de/ds is your birth and biological child. Regardless of where the egg came from gestation makes you the biological mum.

Sorry it just bugs me as i went through such a tough pregnancy and traumatic birth and im absolutely my sons birth mum. And only mum at that .
No disrespect to adoptive mums, its an equally tough but completely different process

Anyway, im back in my pram now  ;D


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