* Author Topic: When to call it a day  (Read 1417 times)

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Offline LateBloom

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When to call it a day
« Reply #10 on: 12/06/20, 18:15 »
Hi SMA--1, I'm so sorry that you've had such a tortuous journey, and that you lost your beautiful daughter. When to call a halt is an impossible decision to make, and I feel every ounce of your pain and exhaustion. I tried for 10 years... 8 rounds of fertility treatment, 1 pregnancy that resulted in a missed miscarriage at 3 months, endless expensive tests/procedures/medication but no concrete explanation as to why I couldn't get pregnant or carry a baby successfully. Unexplained implantation failure was the only diagnosis that the consultants could give me. I took a break after the 8th round as I was at my lowest point, and although I debated endlessly about giving up, I just didn't feel in my gut that I was at the end of my journey. I did some brutal soul-searching and realised that I really didn't care if my child was genetically related to me or not, I simply wanted to be a mother. I considered adoption and fostering, but then my wonderful consultant suggested double donation, egg and sperm, as it would give me the best chance of conceiving in his eyes. Up until this point, I had tried with my own eggs (both IUI and IVF), and had also tried embryo donation. He suggested using an egg donor, with a frozen transfer not fresh, as this would mean minimal stress on my body, and a relaxed schedule of transfer, timed to whenever suited my schedule. The latest success figures for a frozen transfer versus a fresh transfer are almost identical. It worked a treat. My 9th cycle was an absolute breeze - no huge hormonal stress on my body and mind, a lovely few days in sunny Cyprus with a fabulous team of fertility doctors, and a successful outcome. Today I'm 23 weeks pregnant. If my consultant hadn't suggested a double donation, I would probably have given up - brokenhearted but resigned to my childless fate. I firmly believe that you are a mother regardless of how your child comes into your life, regardless of whether they are genetically related to you or not, regardless of whether you carry them for 9 months or adpot/foster/surrogacy. Raising and caring for your child makes you a mother, not how they came to be. If you feel that this isn't the end of your journey just yet, then it isn't the end! If you feel that you have the energy to try again, I would highly recommended taking the easiest option for your body and mind. I firmly believe that taking the less stressful option is why it worked for me. After a decade of heartache and hormonal turmoil, I listened to my body (and my consultant!) and the result is doing somersaults in my belly. Only you can make the decision to continue, or not, and only you will know which is the right decision to make. I wish you all the strength in the world if you decide to try again. I hope you do!!! X

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    Offline Efi78

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    When to call it a day
    « Reply #11 on: 13/06/20, 06:21 »
    Such beautiful posts from LateBloom and kkgirl. Thank you for that. xxx

    Offline Phatty

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    When to call it a day
    « Reply #12 on: 15/06/20, 15:20 »
    kkgirl - I resonate so much with your post. It's been 13 years and I can now honestly say I feel at peace with our decision to stop trying for a child. I kid myself for a few years that I was over it. Looking back, I think I needed that time to grieve. Anyway just wanted to say thank you for sharing and may you all be blessed with health, happiness and everything you want from life that's good for you