* Author Topic: Children conceived from more than one egg donor  (Read 543 times)

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Offline ZC

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We have a daughter from an egg donor. We had one frostie from that round remaining. It failed.
Our donor donated again for us. We had two embryos. Both failed.
So out of 5 embryos only 1 worked.

Has anyone switched donors to try for a sibling / second child?

How has that worked out for you?

What issues can you share? Kids look alike? How do you feel about having two donors to create your family?

Would appreciate any replies or advice.

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    Children conceived from more than one egg donor
    « Reply #1 on: 2/08/20, 18:49 »
    Whether they would look alike or not is the least important. There are kids from the same parents and no physical similarities. Make sure those egg donors didnít have certain family diseases, esp because of hereditary diseases like cancer, diabetes, etc.

    Offline Coffeeandcake1

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    « Reply #2 on: 2/08/20, 19:07 »
    Hi ZC,

    We are very likely to be in the same situation (I think you already saw my post above). With such a low number of eggs this cycle. I think we would likely move on to a new donor next time. For me the concerns are less about children looking alike and probably more about whether our children would have the same chance to learn about and potentially meet their donors as adults.

    Iím not sure I have the energy for ANOTHER attempt at altruistic donation in the UK, itís just so hard and expensive. However, doing one cycle here and another in Europe seems unfair as the two different children would have different amounts of information in the future.

    Iíll be interested in peopleís thoughts on this - and whether they stayed with the same clinic / country for donation.

    Xx

    Offline ZC

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    « Reply #3 on: 2/08/20, 20:33 »
    Thanks for your reply. I can understand those concerns indeed. Same donor makes it easier especially for later.

    Mine was a Spanish lady so itís anonymous anyway but the laws are changing there possibly so I could end up similar to you.

    Iím also not sure Iíve the energy funds or anything left in the tank for another cycle. I have never felt so awful as I do now.

    Hoping for your embryos. Would be such a relief for you. Hereís to positive thoughts and Iím following x

    Offline ZC

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    « Reply #4 on: 2/08/20, 20:39 »
    Just to add similarities in looks is a factor to consider for children. Likewise similarity to parents is a factor to consider.

    While we can explain and share all the info and prepare them for those comparisons itís still something that children notice and are aware of. Plus we have to deal with this ourselves. Hence the question.

    For parents who are using donor eggs we understand and can accept there is no real resemblance to mother and we can explain why. But people do try to find you in your child and siblings in each other. So if they are from the same donor that can be easier for them.

    Hereditary disease etc. is screened for. And a DNA sample and bank is in place even for anonymous donation.

    Hope that explains the question.


    Offline Coffeeandcake1

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    « Reply #5 on: 2/08/20, 23:40 »
    I agree so much with all of this - personally itís been way complex considering how my child will feel about donation than to come to terms with my own feelings. I made my peace with using donor eggs quite quickly after four crappy rounds of own egg IVF. All of our care and anxiety in picking clinics and donors has come from considering how she would feel about her own heritage and trying to make that process as painless as possible. A second donor with a different story, different attributes and all the rest could be very challenging for two siblings to navigate.

    That said, if itís a choice between less than ideal donor situation or no second child I think on balance I would be tempted to do the best I can to match, go for it, and worry about the rest later. There is no guarantee what traits people will inherit from their genes anyway or how much they will care about their egg donation heritage.

    My daughter is very similar looking to me which is ironic because we didnít prioritize
    a physical match at all. We both have red hair and blue eyes which is pretty distinctive. We get a lot of comments, like in a group someone might say  ďI know whose child THAT is right away!Ē Itís bittersweet for me, and I kind of love and hate it at the same time. I do worry that it will be hard for her to hear when sheís older. These issues get really complex when they are real humans with questions and understanding of their own!

    Offline ZC

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    « Reply #6 on: 3/08/20, 08:47 »
    We Had a long conversation about this last night. Itís exhausting. I envy those who just have it all happen naturally. No weights or worries apart from the regular parenting ones.

    When the clinic call we can know more. If they suggest same donor Iím not sure I could refuse but that would seem illogical.

    I understand how bitter sweet that is for you. But itís really nice and quite rare really. I think bio kids always have something from someone in the family.

    What is difficult is when people try to find you in your child and there isnít really a resemblance. And they keep trying. And it happens daily with photos or events or family meet ups. Again itís exhausting! And now possibly adding another child to the mix. I could be overthinking this too as my head isnít in a great place atm. 

    Hoping for good news for you coffeeandcake


    Offline Coffeeandcake1

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    « Reply #7 on: 3/08/20, 11:53 »
    Aw ZC big hugs to you. Itís such a roller coaster and so exhausting to go through all this. I have found trying for a second child difficult in a totally different way to trying for the first - some aspects were easier for sure, but there is also an overwhelming sense of exhaustion (and anxiety about dwindling funds) that didnít exist with the first, when we were focused on success at any cost.

    Iím always amazed how many people still play the Ďlooks like youí / Ďlooks like dadĎ game even though we are extremely open about egg donation...  I actually find it extremely awkward bc then I have to say again and again... Ďbut we used Donor eggsí when I would rather not go there so explicitly -  anyway as you say itís quite a nice problem to have in a way but my MIL is notorious for it and me and my husband have had to explain to her SO many times that she doesnít have Ďmyí hair. Iím actually pretty hard line on it as I donít want my daughter to grow up confused. Maybe I should relax a bit!!!!😂

    Anyway, IDK. I feel like I love my daughter so much for who she is and if we had a second child who was very different I would love them too. Me and my full bio sister and very different in looks and personality and we never felt competitive about that - but perhaps thatís bc there wasnít the complexity of egg donation in the mix.  So maybe itís just a case of going with the opportunities we have rather than flogging away at a donor who isnít working out. Let me know what you end up doing!

    Offline ZC

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    « Reply #8 on: 6/08/20, 08:30 »
    Clinic replied suggesting a change of donor. Proven fertility history. Iím really sad. My reaction suggests I may be done with this journey. I donít feel right about this at all.

    I honestly feel if we cycle again for what will be my 12th transfer and 5th transfer of DE the outcome will be the same. We will be in further debt and my own health will suffer. And what good is that to our daughter or us? Iím exhausted mentally and physically. I have physical symptoms of exhaustion.

    I wish I had the get up and go to just go for this. But years of this crap has burnt me out. I donít know how anyone just gets pregnant has a baby and then has 4 more. I feel like a total failure.


    Offline Coffeeandcake1

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    « Reply #9 on: 6/08/20, 11:37 »
    Aw ZC, thatís tough, Iím sorry. Itís such a rough ride at the moment and I feel like all the extra stress from covid has contributed to everything feeling more difficult and stressful.

    Is this a decision you have to make right now, or could you give yourself a little time off then revisit when you are in a better place?