Coping with pregnancy announcements

[Efi78]

Hi all

Merry Xmas and hope all pf you are safe and healthy.

I am nearly 43 (hubby 42) and childless. Lately we have been bombarded by quite a few pregnancy announcements and I really don’t know how to deal with it. Any tips? People tend to be quote insensitive to the point I wonder whether they do it on purpose. For example one of my friends sending me her pregnancy announcement on Xmas day while she knows our infertility  struggles. The same friends announced their pregnancy to another infertile couple on their face. Is this normal?
Anyway. Maybe it’s just me feeling jealousy.
Any tips on how to deal with these situations? It’s quite painful

[FertilityFriends]

[catherine12]

I know it is really hard, my cousin who I use to joke about needing her eggs recently had a baby and she will probably have a few more than her sister who is younger will than have kids and I can’t get away from that and have to accept it however hard as there is no law in the universe that says I should have a child no matter how much I wish for it or demand it. Like you my OE Ivf failed but at 45 (last Ivf at 44) we have decided not to carry on towards DE, hard decision but for me I just couldn’t cope with the tell not tell, and all the other what if questions, but my sister always says you over think that bit, the child would be the luckiest child and you should be more worried about the work involved of being a parent.
I don’t think your friends are bring intentionally insensitive as I have found people just think ‘oh she must be over this by now and accepted it’ but of course that is not the case especially people who have children are even more like that as all they see Is the hard work of raising the children and don’t think about how you are feeling.
Try to concentrate on your DE Ivf and making that work as you have a really good chance of having a baby fingers crossed.

[StrawberrySundae]

I can relate to how you feel Efi. I didn't end up with my baby until I was 45 and it was really hard at times. People can be really focussed on themselves - we all can at times, but there can be insensitivity and selfishness I found sometimes. I found having plans A, B, C etc helpful, giving myself little goals for different time periods, turning off social media (still not turned it all back on, mainly cos I'm currently a bit brain dead!  ) Uoure definitely not alone. Journalling, exercise, new activities, contacting others in a similar situation, helpful therapies (both physical & emotional) can all help. DE doesn't always work first or second time but your chances are sooo much better and it's still your baby growing in your womb and ultimately your child that loves you back, so don't let that put you off. Good luck for 2021 xx

[Rio2016]

Sending lots of love Efi. People can be so insensitive. Could you say in a few weeks, “I’m still really struggling with my infertility and it’s hard to be told of people’s pregnancies face to face or on holidays such as Christmas or (god forbid) Mother’s Day).”

I asked friends who I knew might be pregnant soon (so were ttc or planning a pregnancy) to text me their news. I explained that being told face to face was really hard. I had four failed rounds of own egg
iVF and had been trying for five years before my daughter was born so it was a lot of pregnancy announcements.

Also once I was pregnant I took my own advice and text friends the news and posted on social media about “our journey” and avoided any bump pics or scan pics.

I’m currently 18 weeks and I’ve avoided any mention of pregnancy on social media this Christmas. I’m planning to say I’m pregnant sensitively on Insta and social media after my 20 week but again not with a pic of the scan, nor my bump or my daughter “being a big sister”.

Sending love and you’re not alone - people can be very insensitive and not get how hard this is

[Positive20]

Hi Efi78

Unfortunately I find whether people know about your situation or not, they often don't hold back talking about babies and pregnancies. I think that unless people are in a position of experiencing fertility problems they just don't have an awareness that their actions can be quite painful. Is not that people are doing it on purpose but they just don't know whether to behave differently or not.

I think as mentioned in another post, goals are really good so you can focus on them. My best advice is to try and not let it eat you up with jealously. I always think when someone announces they are pregnant -thank goodness they've not had fertility problems because I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I also now just think of my own personal goals too.

How this helps and good luck with everything xx

[staceysm]

Hi,

In all honesty, I totally excepted that people who had never struggled to conceive, had zero understanding of how hard it is, so I tended to be more forgiving.

However, I had a relative who struggled to conceive and had failed fertility treatment and then got a natural BFP, email me a scan picture when I was at work.  I still to this day can’t see how she thought this was a good idea.  She knew my journey.  Of course I was happy for her wonderful news, but asking me if I wanted to see the scan first would have been more kinder.

Thinking of you.
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