* Author Topic: If you could ask your donor.....  (Read 95432 times)

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Offline Milly40

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Re: If you could ask your donor.....
« Reply #50 on: 22/01/08, 20:56 »
Honeybee,
             you are one special lady...well done on your cycle and congratulations.....for you and your recipient  ^hugme^
 
             I would love to ask my donor if she was kind,generous, honest,had a good sense of humour, sensitive, caring , artistic or practical......I suppose all the personality traits and any hobbies, talents or skills that I would be able to  encourage in the child.... :) oh and what subjects you were good at in school.....I would love to give the child the best possible chance in everything.....

      Love Milly  :-*

     

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    Offline TwoBumps

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #51 on: 25/03/08, 14:39 »
    Hi all,
    I've just spent the last hour reading each & every one of the posts written in response to this question. I am about to embark on my 1st cycle of egg sharing (in April 08) and have spent lots of time wondering what will be the best things to write for any potential child to read in 18 years time! Naturally I want this to be a positive experience for them & hope it will answer any questions they may have, without raising too many other questions & sending their mind(s) into overdrive! I have copied & pasted lots of your responses into a Word document so that I can use it for reference when I write my message & wanted to say THANK YOU for all your comments, I have found them very helpful.
    The only thing I can't decide what to write about is whether I would be willing to meet them if they chose to contact me in the future. I hope I don't sound mean, but my reason for this is that I don't want to encourage them to pursue this if it will disrupt their relationship(s) with their parents, yet I don't want them to feel rejected by me either so it's a bit of a tricky dilema. Maybe it's best not to mention it on the form & wait to see what happens in the future, although by doing this they may think I don't want to meet them & that's not the case. If we were allowed to enclose a photo of ourselves it may help in this situation as I'm sure lots of young people just want to satisfy their curiosity by seeing what their donor looks like. Anyway, I believe we're not allowed so that's that!
    Does anyone have any ideas on how to tackle this?
    Thanks, Lottie x

    Offline LiziBee

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #52 on: 25/03/08, 23:10 »
    Lottie - my feeling is that you are right not to say either way but I don't have any firm reasoning to back that up!! Maybe you could get around the photo thing by saying something like "I look like Angelina but with shorter hair and Brad Pitts nose" (Well OK, maybe some different celebs but you get the idea, for example if I said my Dad looks just like David Jason in Inspector Frost but with Des Linum's hair  I bet you can imagine his features right now!!)
    Thank you for the gift you are giving and good luck with your own journey!
    Lizi.x

    Offline TwoBumps

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #53 on: 26/03/08, 22:29 »
    Thank you Lizi, I wonder if your dad would agree with that description  ;D
    I think you're probably right, ooh, dilemas, dilemas!
    x

    Offline LiziBee

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #54 on: 28/03/08, 23:09 »
    Lottie - he is well aware, particularly when he gets asked for an autograph!
    Good luck
    Lizi.x

    Offline AirmansWife

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #55 on: 7/05/08, 23:44 »
    I don't want to encourage them to pursue this if it will disrupt their relationship(s) with their parents, yet I don't want them to feel rejected by me either so it's a bit of a tricky dilemma.

    I worried about this too.  When writing the greeting letter I did all I could to turn them back to their birth parents.  I told them I was able to donate because I knew their parents loved and wanted them before they were conceived.  My fear was if they might be looking me up after having a falling out with their parents.  IMO, their parents went through to much just to conceive them for them to "slap" them in the face with running off to find me.  On the flip side I didn't discourage them to look me up either.

    Ladies, I'm currently in the process of doing my third donation and after reading this whole thread must say I have many of the same questions about my recipients.  I often wonder what kind of women they are??  Do they love crafts like me?  Do they love to read as much as I do?  What are their beliefs?  What kind of morals do they have?  Above all I believe I think the most about what all have they been through to get to the point of needing donated eggs?  Early menopause?  Cancer?  Age?  As much as I think and root for these wonderful women I can't tell you how wonderful it was to get a card from my last recipient.  I probably hit the roof with excitement when the envelope from my clinic contained the card.  She lovingly thanked me then wrote out all she has been through before accepting they needed donated eggs.  It wasn't necessary for her to write, but I really appreciated it.

    My reason for donating:  At first it was for discounted treatment.  We have mfi with the few we have to work with being mostly sluggish and malformed.  My second and most driving reason was to help someone else get a BFP.  The process was very emotional, as I'm sure it is for recipients too, but knowing she wanted a baby so bad and I could help her get it was enough to get me through donating twice.

    I wish all recipients the best.  Your BFP makes all the injections worth it.  ^hugme^

    Offline Donna C

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #56 on: 12/08/08, 11:13 »
    Im about to egg share and Dh is going to donate sperm. We really wanted to be able to try and give someone else a chance of conceiving also. Its one of the hardest things in the world to be infertile and have a longing and a need to be a parent but we have the chance of being able to solve that problem for someone. I pray it works for them.

    Good luck everybody.

    Offline krissf

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #57 on: 14/09/08, 22:09 »
    Just wanted to say that I know a research project took place last year on how donors fill in the pen portrait on the HFEA forms because many donors leave them blank. (I did, just had no idea at all what to say.)

    Anyway apparently the research has been published now and the team are now getting some information together to give to donors to help them find the words to write in that section. When I hear about it I'll post it here. Hopefully that will make it a bit easier.

    Kriss

    Offline poochie2

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #58 on: 3/12/08, 14:04 »
    Hi,

    I would just like to say I'm having IVF using anon donor sperm at LWC. DP has 1% morphology and also big family health issues we didn't really want to inflict on anyone else...

    We chose our donor yesterday. The people at the donor bank was FANTASTIC and took the time to talk to me and get an idea of the type of people we are before sending me through a profile which did really kind of resonate with us. It makes me happy that they have met all these people themselves.

    If I'm lucky (I had EC this morning) and this works for me, I would love to send him an anonymous card through the HFEA to thank him. Is this possible?

    Many thanks, and lots of ++++++++++++++++ to you all,

    Poochie

    Offline Dominique123456

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #59 on: 8/12/08, 14:39 »
    I'm in a funny position where we used anon donor sperm and I'm now 11weeks pg and I feel strongly that the info we have about the donor isn't enough  :o

    At first it seemed fine but the more I think about the type of questions our baby will ask, the more I feel that we've let baby down by not choosing a donor that had provided more information. I've called the clinic to find out if they can contact the donor and ask him to reveal a bit more about himself. At the moment we really only have the most basic details as he left most of the form blank but he was the right ethnicity for us and therefore quite rare so we didn't stop to think back then.

    I'd want to know the region he grew up in (North, South, East, or West especially if from abroad) so we could talk about that with bubba and get flavour for that regional culture (and dialect if necessary).
    I'd like to know why he donated
    What some of his values were
    A little bit about his family history (in broad terms i.e. paternal granddad was a mechanic, matenal grandma was a housewife etc etc)

    That's probably the main bits we're missing.

    I was also an egg donor and I filled my form on the computer and it must have been about 10 pages long! I wanted to make sure that all the main bases were covered. I obviously kept it anonymous though.

    Has anyone been able to retrospectively find more info out about the donor??