* Author Topic: If you could ask your donor.....  (Read 95791 times)

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Offline Dominique123456

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Re: If you could ask your donor.....
« Reply #70 on: 9/02/09, 14:57 »
Interesting BBC news article: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/2328909.stm

Extract: "In addition, the researchers found that as a man gets older he loses his natural ability to weed out unhealthy sperm cells through a process known as apoptosis.

This means that there is a greater chance that a damaged sperm cell will successfully fertilise the female egg.

This could mean that the risk of miscarriage is increased or, at the other end of the scale, that children have a greater chance of developing mild abnormalities such as uneven teeth, or asymmetrical limbs.

Lead researcher Dr Narendra Singh told the BBC: "We found there is a significant change by the age of 35."

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    Offline poochie2

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #71 on: 9/02/09, 14:59 »
    I just checked and have seen the age stipulation as 18-45. I expect my clinic limits it to 35 because of the newly researched risks associated with over 40 sperm.

    Oh, just saw Dominique's post. Yes, it's new research so clinics might now be changing their rules.

    poochie

    Offline olivia m

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #72 on: 9/02/09, 15:00 »
    Hi
    35 is the age limit for EGG donors.  Men can donate up to new age limit of 40 (used to be 45), so encourage your 38 year old friend to go for it!
    Individual clinics can set their own age limits if they choose to do so, but as sperm donors in short supply unlikely that they will.
    Olivia

    Offline A.T.C.C

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #73 on: 9/02/09, 15:31 »
    Thats what i thought!

    Offline poochie2

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #74 on: 9/02/09, 15:45 »
    oops I think I was wrong, on the LWC website it says 18-45 for sperm donors. But when I asked them I am certain they said under 35? I know my donor was 33 and all I can say is it worked on this elderly primate (don't you love that term :)) !

    I'll encourage my friend to go for it. He adores getting his wife pregnant but that shop is shut now so he'll probably relish the opportunity to spread his special love a little further...

    Poochie





    Offline A.T.C.C

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #75 on: 13/03/09, 20:37 »
    Hello AngelaD

    Im sorry that you need to donate to get your treatment cheaper darling.... have you had some counselling? maybe that can help you with some of the issues that are affecting you.
    What you will be doing is something amazing and very special.
    Stay positive sweetheart and take each step at a time  ^hugme^ ^hugme^

    Love Ang xxx

    Offline A.T.C.C

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #76 on: 13/03/09, 21:26 »
    Hi again

    Maybe you could go to some counselling on your own sweetheart?

    I cant understand the question about the alcoholic or drug addicts ... thats bizarre!

    Every child concieved from donors has the legal right to find out about the donor.
    Im not sure what will happen if you refuse to give your details.
    As a donor you have a green form to fill in and you write about yourself on one part and on another part you write a letter to any child concieved from the donation.

    I think you need to ask questions about where you stand darling and go from there xxxx

    Offline Dominique123456

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #77 on: 13/03/09, 22:00 »
    Angela -  ^hugme^ It sounds like you still need to come to terms with what egg donation might mean for you and potential baby. It's hard to make a decision up front without knowing for sure if it will work for one or both of you. If you know you really want to have a family then you'll find a way to have one and so hopefully you won't feel bad if a child pops up in 18 or so years curious about their biological roots.

    Please don't be angry at me for saying this but I feel that it would be unfair to be an egg donor and then purposefully avoid being detected/identified later because it might upset you. I was an egg donor and I was lucky because we both got BFPs. We also used a sperm donor and I am really happy that if my child is curious later that he has the option of seeking out his biological donor. Studies show that being able to trace a donor can be very important to a donor-conceived child, central to their understadning of their identity.

    I guess what I'm saying is that egg donation is cheaper than paying for full IVF but it does come with emotional risk that as the adults we can choose to accept or not. But a donor-concieved child doesn't have any choice about how they were concieved and no guarantees as to how a donor would respond to contact from them. Which is why I personally feel a strong responsibility to make that experience (if they get in contact with me) as pleasant as possible.

    It might seem that this is easy for me to say because I'm pregnant but I had to come to these conclusions before I did my cycle. It helped me to keep the focus off myself and to think about the future of these children. I also comforted myself with the knowledge that I would keep trying IVF egg share till it did work for me or failing that adopt.

    I really wish you the best and just felt that I had to say something because it's an issue I care strongly about.

    I would recommend that you look at the donor conception network: http://www.donor-conception-network.org/ "We welcome to this site couples and individuals who are facing issues about donor conception at any stage, and would like to hear the experiences of those of us who have been there before."

    Offline A.T.C.C

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #78 on: 13/03/09, 23:17 »
    Angela ...... 18yrs is a long way away ..... the way i see it is that if someone came knocking on my door in 18yrs time it would more than likely be out of curiosity .... its not like someone will be coming in anger cos you gave them up or anything ..... you would be the person that gave their parents a gift to help them achieve their dream .... you would be forever special to that family.

    You're not being selfish ... even though you would be doing it for reduced price treatment another couple will still be getting a chance .. that couple could have been on a waiting list for 2 yrs and because of your gift they would be getting a long awaited phonecall to say they have a donor ...... imagine how they would feel.

    Think it all through thoroughly sweetheart because if you leave issues and dont deal with them now then they will just fester and become bigger. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Offline Dominique123456

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #79 on: 13/03/09, 23:28 »
    Even if you want to remain anonymous - you would have to give the HFEA your name (maiden and married), your date of birth, your current address, your occupation etc Which means the child could possibly still find you.

    Personally, I chose to use a uk sperm donor because I didn't just want 'a child' no matter what. I wanted the ability for my child to seek out the donor if they wished because the research showed me that it was the healthiest thing for them to have that option. If the sperm donor told me now that he was deliberately going to make himself unavailable/contactable I would be furious as that's not what I signed up to and I would feel awful knowing that my child could grow and face that disappointment. I could have imported my sperm for half the price over the internet if I didn't care. So giving an egg but then hiding from the child wouldn't be unselfish in my view because you are putting your needs before the child. These babies/eggs etc are real human beings and it doesn't seem fair to deceive them. For example, my donor-conceived child will grow up knowing that the law in the UK states that when he is 18 he has the right to seek out his donor if he wishes. How might he feel if his donor (unlike most of the others) has done a runner? He might not care at all, but he might care alot (who knows?) but that's why the government changed the law because their research showed that although having anonymous donors is convenient for the clinics and families-to-be, it wasn't best for the children. Hence why there is a shortage of sperm donors of course, because those who didn't like the new rules decided not to donate. Egg donors have more of a financial incentive but that shouldn't overrule the needs of the child.