* Author Topic: If you could ask your donor.....  (Read 95431 times)

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Offline Rinfy

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Re: If you could ask your donor.....
« Reply #90 on: 2/04/09, 15:59 »
It's lovely to see so many willing to share the gift of life.
I donated towards the end of January. Although altruistic, we discovered after offering that the cost of our own treatment would be significantly reduced and that certainly has helped, as the own part of my IVF didn't suceed that time. At 35, I am now unable to donate again:(

I can't describe what that donation means to me. I feel that I have done so little in life to be proud of and this is one of the things that I have done that makes me all warm inside. I can only hope that there is now an expectant mum, who had previously been unable to share the privelige that so many take for granted. I am blessed with the possibility of knowing that perhaps there is a tiny little piece of me, growing up with mum, being treated like the precious little being they are. A few extra injections and days of minor discomfort pale in comparison.

I hope one day that I may know if the gift I tried to give arrived safely. But, regardless, I think all donors should be proud that at least they gave the chance of that gift, whether it could be unwrapped in the end or not :)

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    Offline Battenberry

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #91 on: 3/05/09, 10:06 »
    Rinfy, it was lovely reading your feelings on donating, you sound like a wonderfully giving person to give someone else the opportunity to having a child, and viewing it as a gift, which it truly is!
    I'm still mulling over whether I could be a donor, and your post has certainly helped put it all in perspective, and given me something to think about.
    Wishing you all the best and hoping you will have a gift to unwrap yourself in the near future x

    Offline Donor Swimmer

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #92 on: 3/05/09, 13:01 »
    Hi

    I'm a guy who's about to become a sperm donor - give or take my final genetic tests.

    I wanted to say thankyou so much for this thread. It has been a really strange journey emotionally and mentally in the past couple of weeks since starting this process. It's all totally new territory for me, as I'm sure it was or is for you, and it has been of immeasurable value to have found places like here, and especially threads like this one.

    I said it elsewhere but I should repeat it - reading your stories has been heartbreaking. However unlucky and down you feel I want to say the love and strength you share with your DH's and others is incredible and I am left in awe, sure that you could be wonderful parents.

    Initially it seemed like a big 'give', now it seems the least I can do given these good genetics (I hope!) that would otherwise be wasted.

    Some of the posts on here really resonated with me - Rinfy has said most of it quite succinctly.

    I have put a lot of thought into how to fill out the form, should I get there, and it's brilliant to hear what details you think matter. Are you more interested in my hobbies or my skills?

    So why do I want to donate? Because of you, because there are so many children born by accident that ones wanted so intensely will be loved like few others, because I know I cannot begin to imagine how a prospective father feels to reach the point of considering this, because I think given all that, I can at least offer a good start - and finally because life is the most wonderful thing.

    Just be so so sure it's not about the money, I can (just) walk to my clinic and make it after work - expenses Zero, outgoings Zero, loss of earnings Zero. Wouldn't have it any other way and the few other donors I've spoken to have felt the same way.

    Thank you for this thread. There's more I want to say or ask but there's so much going through my head it's best bit by bit and seeing as this could be up to an 8 month process there's no rush.

    moo2275

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #93 on: 3/05/09, 14:12 »
    Donor Swimmer,

    I often think about the wonderful man who has helped us have our beautiful son , and hopefully more, and I wonder if he sometimes sits at home with his own family and has any idea about what he has done for us. I cannot thank him personally so I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for becoming a donor. Without men like you our son would not be here, or so many other, longed for and deeply loved children xx

    Offline LiziBee

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #94 on: 3/05/09, 20:41 »
    I'll echo that! Donor Swimmer I'd like to give you a great big hug! ^hugme^
    Lizi.x

    PS. And while I would like to know about your hobbies and interests I'd say don't give too much detail, I realised I was able to identify a donor at our clinic as he'd put down what prizes he'd won!

    Offline Dominique123456

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #95 on: 4/05/09, 10:46 »
    Donor Swimmer - what a lovely post. You seem like such a warm and caring person. I went totally overboard with mt egg donor form and wrote pages and pages. I wrote a non-identifiable summary of what jobs and main accomplishments my parents and their parents did and where they were born. I wrote what my interests were and what I do for a living. I wrote some stuff about my beliefs (I don't know if this was OK, but I wanted to try answer all the questions that a child might have about their donor i.e.:

    where they and their family are from
    what are they like - serious/funny/nice/focused/scatterbrained/conservative/hippy in their outlook etc
    what they believe in
    any personal messages they might have for me
    whether it would be ok to contact them in future

    I made it clear in my form that I saw myself as a donor and not a parent.

    Offline ♥JJ1♥

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #96 on: 4/05/09, 11:05 »
    It is very interesting as I am using DE in Spain (and I know nothing about the donor as it is all anon there) I chose to go there due to the short waits and haven't really struggled with the anon part, although I do say things to my friends like- I wonder if she is Spanish, how old is she, why she did it for me, interests, physical characteristics, is she arty/sporty/musical  etc, education etc.

    I am using my friend as a known sperm donor and I see the effort that it entails for him and know that I am so lucky, dragging him around from clinic to clinic and to Spain on numerous occasions, bloods every 6 months. I have his sperm stock piled in the UK and abroad, but I do know everything(well most things!!) about him, ask his partner and his mother/sister see childhood photos.

    I have friends who have children conceived with donor sperm and they do cherish the kind words on the forms and message that you get when the baby is born, and they talk about they son and say ' well the donor is 6 ft tall etc'
    L x

    Offline Donor Swimmer

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #97 on: 4/05/09, 12:54 »
    Thankyou for your kind words, it is just a gift though and it's enough knowing what it means to people - I just wouldn't want you to think it's given without thought or casually. I'm sure some donations have been in the past but with the loss of anonymity I'd hope you'll get a more considerate set of donors. It feels a bit of a joke how little it is compared to what comes before for the recipients.

    Something I wanted to say straight off is the idea of an anonymously passed card is very touching. While I expect nothing from any children born on account of my donation, nor of the parents past loving them and doing their best, I will care and wonder I think.... I'm glad of the 18 year anonymity as I'm a caring guy, seeing or knowing where they are would be a real emotional strain but by then time will have done it's trick I imagine and I only look forwards to seeing... well... I expect that far into the future seems as unreal for you as it does for me.

    While re-reading this thread to make a list of things to put on the form it's been interesting seeing different people's views on contact when the children are older. Personally I think I'll be very curious, and though I'd feel no hold over them as if they were mine in any way I'd love to know what became of all this... and I hope I'd be very proud of the recipients and the young people they've brought up.

    Anyhow it's results day tomorrow in theory, though so was friday so fingers crossed I get the thumbs up. Then hopefully I'll get my forms to go deliberate over - will have a bit of a wait as I showed signs of only recently having caught CMV so a little delay for your safety.

    *hopes*
    i.

    ps. one question - how do you feel about numbers of recipient families? We can say up to ten - but considering the potential for multiple births and siblings that could mean when a child reaches 16 and asks the HFEA about half-siblings they could have easily 20...

    To me that seems a bit of a strange one. I find myself tempted to limit it to around 5-6 families so it would be around 10 half-siblings. I can get my head around that. What limit would you like?

    Offline fox mulder

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #98 on: 4/05/09, 22:01 »
    Hi Swimmer

    Personally I think you should not put any restrictions as that kind of defeats the whole purpose unless you have any particular moral issues

    I didn't put any restrictions on my form

    As I understand from my andrologist the average success rate isn't always that high so I think you should just leave things to take their natural course and not worry about the detail. 5, 10 even 20 plus siblings is not an issue

    I hope your test results are Ok

    Que sera sera baby   ;D

    Fox


    Offline Dominique123456

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    Re: If you could ask your donor.....
    « Reply #99 on: 4/05/09, 22:22 »
    I thought it 10 individual families was max. So two siblings in the same family only counted as one? The aim is to reduce any risk of sibling meeting and having a relationship.

    Good luck for tomorrow!!! (CMV is very common so don't worry about that).