* Author Topic: 'Assisted reproduction kids do well psychologically'  (Read 1399 times)

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    Offline Jayne

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    Interesting :)  Thanks for that.

    Jayne x

    Offline olivia m

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    Yes, this is a very intersting article and basically good news.

    Just like to say that DC Network does not just produce resources for it's members.  Our new Telling and Talking books can be downloaded free from our website and anyone, not just members can buy the story books for children.  New members are of course always welcome but you really don't have to join us in order to take advantage of the support materials for 'telling'.

    Just a small note on the research study of 12 year olds.  I am sure the parenting is excellent - those of us who have struggled to have children are  mostly very committed parents - but because of the secrecy it will have been impossible to interview the children.  Many donor conceived adults say that they were aware of something odd or different in their family but could not put their finger on what it was.  For some this was damaging, for others not.  Why take a risk with family relationships when openness is so much easier.
    Best wishes
    Olivia

    Offline Ms Minerva

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    Olivia,

    Perhaps you didn't read the last paragraph of the article?

    "Parents should not be forced into telling their child, but rather should be equipped with the facilities to make the best-informed decision possible. Without advocating secrecy, we should also bear in mind that the fact that these non-disclosing families are producing well-adjusted adolescents shows that there is more to parenting than sharing information about genetic origins."

    Please explain to me how telling would be "so much easier" when I come from a family background, who  totally reject the idea of egg (or sperm donation) on religious grounds? How would they respond to the knowledge that my child was concieved using donor eggs?

    How would telling help a child who was conceived using an anonymous donor from abroad? And please don't tell me that I shouldn't be using an anonymous donor from abroad! What is the alternative? A three year wait or more for a donor in the UK?

    In my case it is "why take a risk with family relationships when not disclosing is so much easier."

    Regards,

    Jules

    Offline olivia m

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    Hi Jules
    You are right, this is a very difficult situation for you to be in. 
    Let me quote from one of the three reasons given in the Telling and Talking booklets for not 'telling' or postponing it to a different time - "Issues for the child from outside the immediate family: if wider family members or those in the commun ity are likely to reject a child conceived by donated sperm, eggs or embryos, then it may be difficult for a child to feel any pride about their origins.  This situation can apply where a child is being brought up within a culture or faith that disapproves of donor conception."

    There is of course much more to parenting that sharing information about genetic origins and all the good things we do as parents - providing love, security etc. make a huge difference.  But I stick to what I say about not interviewing the children.  You cannot know what these 12 year olds are thinking unless you ask them and that is not possible because of the secrecy. And they are only very young still.  You will of course be aware of what donor conceived adults say about feeling betrayed by not being 'told' from an early age.

    'Telling' IS so much easier for families where there are no religious or cultural taboos about donor conception, but I do understand that in your case you have very difficult decisions to make.
    Very best wishes
    Olivia