* Author Topic: SET or not? Help needed please  (Read 1890 times)

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Offline *Jenny*

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SET or not? Help needed please
« on: 29/01/07, 17:57 »
^hello^

I really don't know where to turn,  :( i can not find help or advise anywhere  :(

My DH and i carry a gene defect which means every pg achieved between us the baby had a 1 in 4 chance of a fatal syndrome.  :'( I helped my little boy go to heaven ^angel^ as there was no way he would have survived  :'( Well, i am hoping to have a cycle of ICSI soon  :) but it is on the NHS,  :) it does not look likely that for the next few years we will be able to afford extra cycles so this is really our only go for a good while.  :( The last pg was achieved naturally but shortly after i got pg my DH was diagnosed with cancer and had to go through chemo and radiotherapy which has made his sperm count very low.  :( I carried my little boy to 17 weeks which was as problem free as is it could be ( no high blood pressure etc.. ) labour went very well physically but very emotionally draining.  :'(

Well now i have to decide whether to have one or two put back.  ??? I know most of you will say in my position it would be best to have only one put back  ??? but as they can not do any screening to see if it is affected then the chances are 1 in 4.  :( Now my thoughts are if i have 1 put back then i the chance of getting pg plus 1 in 4 chance of the gene defect  :( if i have 2 put back then i have a slightly higher chance of pg ( well that is what the clinic told me  :) ) plus a 3 in 4 chance of each one not having the defect.  :) My thoughts are to go for 2 but what happens if one is affected and one is not.  :-\

I just want the highest possibility to have a healthy baby,  ::) my clinic says put two back but i get the feeling they don't really care about the gene defect they just want to get me pg as then they don't have to deal with me afterwards.  ^bigbad^ I am scared ^scared^ of getting that ^BFP^ but if i do only have one put but and i get a ^BFN^ will i always be punishing myself for not taking up the chance of two.  :(

I hope this makes sense  ^idiot^ so some one can give me some advise.  :-\

Jenny

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    Offline maria684

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    Re: SET or not? Help needed please
    « Reply #1 on: 29/01/07, 18:38 »
    Jenny

    Hun sorry i can't offer any advice as i think you and DH are the only ones that can make this huge decision I know this doesn't help, also wanted to send you a huge  ^Cuddle^.
    Good luck with tx and with the decision you both make.

    love Maria xx ^blueted^ ^blueted^

    Offline CM01

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    Re: SET or not? Help needed please
    « Reply #2 on: 29/01/07, 23:05 »
    Hi Jenny,

    What a difficult decision to make.  You will read from my previous posts that, after my own experiences, I am in favour of SET. However, I sense from your post that you feel happier with the idea of having two embryos transfered, and I think you should go with whatever your instinct tells you.  A friend once told me that "you should never regret what you did, only what you did NOT do".  Think each scenario through, then choose what sits most comfortably with you both.  Once you have made your decision, which ever way you fall, you will know if it is the right one for you.
    Good luck!
    xx Clare

    Offline Dawniem42

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    Re: SET or not? Help needed please
    « Reply #3 on: 30/01/07, 12:37 »
    Hi Jenny

    Its a tough decision that only you 2 can make ^hugme^.  Me & DH talk about what we will do every day.  For me it would be crazy to try to carry twins as i have a weak cervix but........i want to maximise my chances of getting pg & it tempting to have 2 put back. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr >:( >:(.  I am fully aware of the traumatic experiences that come with prem babies but i have also seen some ladies have no probs & deliver full term.  If only i had a crystal ball ::)

    For me its going to be a SET but thats because of my history & its not meant to influence you one way or the other.  Like Clare says go with your instincts & i wish you all the luck in the world.

    Dawn xxxx

    Offline Charlies-Mum

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    Re: SET or not? Help needed please
    « Reply #4 on: 30/01/07, 12:56 »
    Jenny

    As all the other wise ladies have said its a decision that only you can make. It might be worth speaking to a counsellor who can help you determine what is the best decision for you. Your clinic should be able to put you in contact with someone.

    DH and I were both adament that we only wanted 1 put back - but that was the right decision for us in our specific circumstances.

    I wish we all had a crystal ball as it would make life so much easier...

    Good luck hun and if you ever want to chat you know where I am. ^hugme^

    Deb

    Offline *Jenny*

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    Re: SET or not? Help needed please
    « Reply #5 on: 3/02/07, 21:13 »
    ^hello^ all,

    Thank you so much for all your support.  :-* I am going to talk to my clinic about it all on Monday if they say we can have TX.  ::) However, my DH and i have talked and talked and we have decided to put back two.  :) It is just we want the best chance of one healthy baby.  :)

    Jenny