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hi

Me and Dp had 1st IVF app Wednesday  , was so excited we had waited 6 months for it . We were told that we needed IVF they cannot unblock my tubes but .... we now have to apply for funding  which may take til june next year to get approved  :mad:...  then we can start .. I thought that by us getting this app on Weds meant we had been approved already , otherwise why give us the app and we had waited 6 months  ...

I dont know I am confused  , angry ...feel we are no further forward..Dont hese people realise how much this means to us .. Feel like screaming to make myself heard .... ^mercy^ ^furios^ ^censored^

Sorry  ,but i thinki can I go through with this much longer .. I might lose may wonderful partner because we are so stressed we are taking it out on each other  or do we say **** it and not have a baby ..We cant and dont want to do that ...

Oh I wish I was normal !!! >>>>>>>>>

Time for another sleepless night ........

Good luck to everyone else that understands where I am coming from ..


Wanda
X X x


 

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Wanda, just wanted to say I'm upset to hear your story.  I'm thinking of you. 

A couple of thoughts:
Please try not to let this tear you and your DP apart - I'm sure what's most important to you and to your DP is each other. IF puts a terrible strain on the people we love most but one thing all the insightful and lovely people on this site would advise is not to lose sight of the fact you're in this together. We feel blessed to have the wonderful partners we do have , and must remind ourselves of that frequently!

I'm probably no help to you on the delayed funding question as I self fund.  But I do know there's alot of waiting around goes on in fertility treatment.  Most people find it takes months between one referral to the next and all the investigations.  It can get very frustrating and I really feel for you.  It took us nearly two years to get to IVF and I felt like time was running out on me all the time.  You are taking steps forward though. Just hang on in there, it will come.  However I would go and raise merry hell with your GP if you can! 

Lastly - you ARE normal, you're just not pregnant.  Yet.  ;)

hugs to you and wishing you some sleep.

Claire x
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Hi
Thanks Claire for your really supportive words ..  i didn't think any one else would be on here at this time of night, Just shows we're not alone .. I know my DP and I are wanting the same thing and he is hurting so much too , but you know what men are like ,don't want to show too much ..

One of my really good friends has told me she is expecting but it was an accident and they didn't plan for the baby but they will deal with it but then she apologized to me and said ' i shouldn't have said that ' ..

When we went for our first IV app yesterday , it hurt as they sat us with other people in the waiting room that had big pregnant bumps .. !!

Oh well , we will get there I know we will ..

I see by your history you haven't had an easy ride either , but I don't think anyone here has !!

We are all in it together ..

Thanks again Claire for your kind words of support .. It means so much .. For some reason I feel closer to people on this site than to some of my closest friends .,,,

Sending you hugs and hope

Wanda
X X X
 

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Thanks hun, no worries I think there's quite alot of us night owls on FF! 
I just popped in for a quick look I think DP's fallen asleep on the settee in front of the telly - I always take a sneaky peak as he's convinced I spend more time with my fertility buddies than with him - and he's probably not wrong!

Hey guess what one of my best mates had her 3rd child TODAY! Her DH called me this evening.  I'm cool about it, actually.  For today.  Wasn't very cool when I spoke to her last week to wish her luck, not that I let her know that - sobbed all over DP afterwards.  :'(  My negative's still a bit recent and so I'm generally finding an excuse to cry at least once a day!  Hey ho.  Best order some flowers in the morning!

I still try very hard to love and be close to my friends with kids and my family with kids - which is all of them - I have one remaining friend with none.  However this site is great for just being understood and I think many people on FF are just amazing.  I'm going to the London girls meet on the 22nd - I notice you're my side of London.  If you want to join the London girls thread we can chat some more.  I'm really excited about meeting them. Normally I'd be quite nervous but it struck me today that most women have their 'ante natal' friends or 'school mums' - who all get to understand how it is for each other.  This is just a new phase in my life where I get to meet people I have something different in common with.  And that means they'll understand a part of me that with the best will in the world many of my other friends won't really know about.  And I'm really quite excited about that! :)

Sleep well,
Claire x
 

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hi wanda

just wanted to say welcome to ff, please come join us on the chitter chatters posts which is in this inbetweenie thread , the girls are lovely

love
suzie aka olive xx
 

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OMG 6 months issuch a long time to wait.

This is what I've got to look forward to next year I suppose.

All my love
 

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Hi Wanda,

Just wanted to say hi and that I am also going to the London meet which Claire mentionned.  Why not come along?  Check out the London Girls thread in the meeting groups section.  Like Claire, I also self-fund so I cant really advise you on the delayed funding issue.  But I am thinking of you and sending you a big hug  ^hugme^

I know what you mean about sitting in waiting rooms with all the pg women.  It is so hard.  But we will get there sometime.  Our turn WILL come.  We just have to keep believing it (easier said than done) and stay positive.

Love Olwen xx
 

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Oh Wanda u sound so much like myself its scary!!!....unfortunately on the NHS it is a lot of waiting!!  which is ****e! It is also very very stressful on your relationship because i dont know about you but i feel i want it more badly than my dh! which is probably not true but women react a lot different than men!....you will get through ot tho because its what you want and the end result will be fantastic.....fingers and toes crossed for you hunny.

Jan xx
 

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Hi,
I justed wanted to say that I also feel exactly like you.  I just want to scream as yet another friend has another baby.  I hate feeling bitter about it and really do want to wish them all the love and best wishes etc but I just get so jealous.
I find it especially bad when male friends cuddle their babies as I feel I am depriving my dh even more.
I have just been told that I have to wait until Jan before starting my next tx.  I know its not that far off but Ive been counting each day of my cycle for over 4 years and it seems like a life time!!!I hope I dont get another -ve as it is begining to feel like too much heartache.

Still got to keep trying, fingers crossed it will be worth it in the end.

It would probably be better if I spoke to more people about what me and dh are going through but I dont want to be treated differently so I will just have to put up with the comments about "oh it will be you one day" which doesnt help!!!

Take care x
 

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Hi Wanda, the waiting is the worse part of IVF on the NHS, we paid for one private cycle while we've been waiting for two years on the waiting list.  While we were having IUI, after four failed attempts they put us forward for IVF just about two years ago and we got our first appointment last October which I thought would mean we would be doing it quite soon, it turned out that was just to chat and then you are put on the waiting list which we have just reached the top off now so it's a very long wait and can be so frustrating, that's why we ended up saving up and paying for one cycle to give us a head start but unfortunately it hasn't worked.

Friends having babies at the drop of a hat, I agree, is extremely difficult, especially when they say, we weren't even 'trying'.  I hate being all bitter though and I really try and not get jealous and be happy for my friends as a lot of them are there for me through this aswell.

The most important thing to remember is you and your DH first then children,  you have to be so strong to go through IVF in the first place, it is so demanding physically and emotionally that you have to be strong for one another and stay close, only you two will know what's it like to go through it and everybody on here of course! 

Good Luck when your treatment comes along and enjoy the time you have together until then, it's the only thing for it.

Sezzy- We made the decision to tell all our friends and only close family so a lot of people have been behind us and we can talk to all our friends about it, my dh wasn't happy about that at first but, I need to talk about it and pretending to be fine when everything's not is just not me so I'm so glad everyone knows.  Everyone finds their own way of dealing with it.  At least you can talk freely on here.

Love and Hugs
Brigie
 

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Hiya girls

SOrry to butt into this thread but I just wanted to ask a question.  I am currently doing iui (No 10) and have been referred for IVF and have my initial consultation in January.  WHat actually happens at this consultation?  I presume it will be just like my first iui consultation where I was basically with the consultant for 5 mins, told what the procedure was and then told that I would be informed when my name came to the top of the list!  I was on the waiting list years ago with my previous partner and had to wait three years to come to the top of the list.  By that time we were in the process of splitting up!!!  I have been informed by my current clinic tho that my waiting time will be backdated from the 19th September 2003 which is the date I had my first iui!

My dh had also been asked to hand in a sperm sampe a week before our consultation! Is this the norm?

Take care

Love

Karen xxx
 

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Hi Karen, I also had IUI at the Monklands and once I'd got to my fourth attempt they referred me for IVF, it was backdated but not all the way back to my first cycle.  At the first appointment last October at the Royal they just explain exactly what will happen, ask you all the usual questions about lifestyle etc. and then you're probably going to wait 12-15 months or more, we were told max 1 year wait but when a year had gone by and I called them, it turned out the waiting had gone up to 15 months, I'm just at the top of the list now and am starting with two appointments set up in December then after that it'll be the start of the my first cycle when we actually begin drugs.  You need to have Aids, Hepatitis B and C, blood group tests, Rubella and various other blood/urine tests before you even start and a pile of forms to fill in too.  I've just been through a private cycle at the Glasgow Nuffield so I'm lucky I've already had all those tests done so that'll be a bit of time saved.  As for the sperm sample a week before, we did that last October on our first appointment and now we have to hand in another one before our appointment on 2nd Dec just to make sure nothing's changed, it's perfectly normal.  You're lucky they're backdating it for you to September 2003, you might only wait till next year then.  I didn't think they did more than 6 cycles of IUI at the Monklands, that's what I was told anyway, therefore I was referred after 4 cycles as they knew it probably wasn't going to work.  How did you end up having 10 cycles?
Good Luck with your wait, it won't be long for you.
Love and Hugs
Brigie
ps. is that a black Lab in the picture?  I also have a beautiful black Lab, I don't know what I'd do without him, he's my fur-baby.
 

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Hi Brigie

Thanks for your response!  I am not quite sure why they have given me so many goes at iui, I think they told me that if you manage to achieve a pregnancy then lose it then you go back to square one again and get the full siz iui's again!  Think sometimes rules are made up as they go along!!!  I was also told after my m/c on my 4th iui that I wouldn't be accepted for IVF as I had had a pregnancy (albeit a very short one!)

THe nurses at Monklands assured me that I shouldn't have to wait very long once I am at the Royal, they said perhaps 3 months or so, cos it has been backdated!  Very worried about it all cos of my age (I will be 38 next year) and I feel time is running out for me!  I presume that once you are on the waiting list they won't suddenly say you can't have tx cos you are too old!!  It's all a real worry!

YEt again I cannot understand why Monklands have had me on iui for so long when they must know that it aint gonna work now, not on No 10.  I feel pretty negative about it but will go through with my final three while I wait for my ivf to go ahead.  I have spent the last 14 months doing constant tx and the only time off I have had had was when I had my m/c plus the last three months I have had a cyst so tx has been cancelled again!  Sort of looking forward to getting into things again this month but, as I said before, not going into it with a very positive attitude I'm afraid.

The pooch in the piccie is Smudge my field cocker spaniel when she was a baby!  I do have a black lab tho called Amy.  They are both my special fur babies and I dunno where I'd be without them!!

Lots of Love

Karen xxx
 

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Hi Wanda,

Not sure if you've seen my posting under blocked/damaged tubes section, so just in case I thought I'd give you my story so far.  I was diagnosed with damaged/blocked fallopian tubes 2 years ago due to an infection several years ago (I presume it was clymidia), .  I since have had 3 cycles of IVF (self-funded) all which unfortunately failed, the last one in April this year.  I went to see an Acupuncturist who said that I was the first of her clients with my infertility problem and that she saw me as a challenge to get me pregnant naturally.  While I believed she could help me through IVF I never for one minute expected a natural conception to happen.  At the first consultation she asked me to wait 6 months before giving IVF another try to see what she could do herself, although I wasn't keen on waiting that long - 4 months I thought would be my maximum.  My DH & I went on holiday in August this year - and my period was three days late - I was pregnant NATURALLY!!!!!!!  Unfortunately I miscarried at 7 weeks and 3 days, but it has given my hope that it can happen again, and I truly believe it was the acupuncture that unblocked my tube/s. 

Is it something you could consider looking into while you wait for the NHS go????? 

My NHS cycle was booked in for this coming January, but because of my recent miscarriage they told me to put it back until the middle of next year.  I felt that I had to get my body 100% on track for the freebie with the NHS, after all it's only one go we're given for free.  I'm continuing to see my acupunturist, along with taking these disgusting chinese herbal drinks!!!! So I'm hoping that in the meantime it will happen again naturally..........

I understand how you feel about having friends/family being pregnant around you.  It's so hard because you don't want to take it away from them, but at the same time you want it to be you.  I find myself shutting them out of my life sometimes as I can't deal with pregnancy talk from them. Nobody understands the confusion, guilt, and jealousy we feel, all I can say to you is that it's perfectly normal to feel like you do.  Someone once described the infertility journey to me as being on a roundabout you can't get off.  No matter how much you want to try and switch off from it all you can't and that cloud of unhappiness follows you everywhere you go.  Sometimes I wish I had a magic ball that could see into the future and know that one day, it WILL happen.

Hazel
xx



Hazel
 

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Hi got my 1st ivf consultation on 24th Jan just wondered what they do at the first one its costing us £150 so it better be worth it lol.

Getting kinda nervous now hope its not too long before we can get started.


sam

xxx
 

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hi sam

if i remember correctly at our first ivf consultation the cons talked us through our options (ivf or iui ) and arranged blood tests for hiv/aids & hep.

please try not to worry too much (easier said than done) you will be down regging before you know it  ;D

pam xx
 

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Hi Sambez,

Our appointment was the same as Saphy's. We met with the consultant who went through our options, there was no medical examination which i was expecting! So used to getting on the couch with knickers off now i just expect it!!!

We were in and out within half an hour but felt very positive. Our next step after this was to go to an open evening, there were about sixty other couples all going through exactly the same as us! Then we had our appointment through(about three weeks later). This is when they run through dates, blood tests, ultrasound scan to check on ovaries etc.

Good luck with your tx!

Lots of love

Emmak ^reiki^
 

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Hi Sam  :)

Our first consultation was very much like Saphy's and EmmaK's. Our consultant talked about our history, went through IUI and IVF and what they both entaled and organised blood tests for hiv etc and also a semen analysis for dh. (which we had done on the day!)

You will then have an appointment with the nurses (who do most of the groundwork). They will run through the procedures and timings, how to inject etc etc.

One thing I will say is if you think of any questions that you want answered write them down and take them with you. Sometimes I find that my mind goes blank and I forget to ask some things. I am sure if you have any queries after the consultation your nurses will be happy to help on the telephone.

Good luck with it all!

Love, Rachel xxx
 

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Hi,
I am new to all this & I am attending my 1st consultation app for IVF in March. I am really nervous about the whole thing! Is anyone in the same boat, or share the same 1st app month? I would really appreciate any encouraging comments?
In the last few years I have experienced alot of problems including PCOS, ENDO, cysts being removed, tubes being blocked to say the least, I just need to hear something positive!

Noodle x
 

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Hi noodle

I am going to barts tomorrow for ec, i have endo, 2 large cysts and a blocked right tube (hydrosalphinx). My cycle has gone ok slow to respond at first but now have 11 follies for collection Wed.

This is a worring time i know but Barts are very nice and will put you at ease.

I hope it all goes well for you and try not to worry to much.

i will be away until sat so i will let you know how thing went.

Take care
Sarah
 
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