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At 39 I’ve just had my 2nd round of ICSI end in no heartbeat. It was later the first time at @10 wks so this is just awful for us. I was given the max dose of meds and still only 1 egg fertilised and this time they left to a blastocyst until they did the transfer. We have 1 round left to squeeze in before my bday in jan but I already feel like there’s no point. I don’t know at this point if I’ll have to have a donor egg but I red they have no resemblance to the mother so I’m not sure how I will feel. Atm it feels like my husband would be better off with someone else. Dark thoughts and what’s the point of life right now. Miscarriage hasn’t even started so more waiting. I hate feeling this low.
 

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I am so sorry you are going through this. I very much know how you feel. I am on miscarriage number 11 currently. The only difference is this is donor embryo miscarriage and it is donor embryo miscarriage number 4.

I am lucky to have OE/OS babies and 1 donor embryo baby already. 2 out of 3 OE/OS babies look like their dads and only 1 looks like me. The donor embryo baby looks like all of his brothers at different stages. They all have different coloured hair, 1 is dark brown, 1 is light brown, 1 is dirty blonde and the youngest is golden brown with ginger flecks. All the kids have green eyes, like me and dad. All have wide mouths. Like their parents.

So they all look similar, like a familial link but they all have subtle differences as well. And I love them all equally and unconditionally.

When we decided donor embryo was the route to go, we asked what was more important to us, genetic links and the slim chance I could be successful in sustaining a pregnancy or slighter higher odds in getting a take home baby but with no genetic links. We chose the latter. There are no regrets at all. He slots into the family perfectly and I can't imagine a life without him in it.....

You will find a way through this horrific journey and only you know what you can and can't accept for the future.

Good luck with whatever you and your partner decide. Whatever you choose will be right for you.

Take care

Jdm x
 
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