[Mel]

Letting Go & Coming to Terms...
A workshop for anyone facing fertility losses

In association with MoreToLife

September 11th & 12th, 2004
Saturday & Sunday 10am-6pm
Cost: £100
(some bursaries available)

Venue: London (exact locale TBA)

This workshop is for anyone who has experienced infertility, failed fertility treatment, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, premature menopause, secondary infertility, stillbirth, neonatal death, sperm problems or unwanted childlessness--whatever the cause. Women, men and couples are welcome.

Much lip service is paid to the need to come to terms with fertility losses. But how to do it? In this workshop, we begin by breaking the silence--telling our stories, naming and honouring our losses. Great care is taken to create a safe, compassionate atmosphere. Some Œways in¹ include visualisation, art therapy and movement--which help uncover buried feelings and provide safe means to express them. The exercises also help us reconnect to our inner wisdom.

Participants finish with a calmer heart and more clarity about the future.

Comments from those who attended in April 2001:

I feel significantly more positive & self confident....People are relating to me differently too--probably because I¹ve become less prickly & inward looking. I no longer feel isolated & I am beginning to look forward instead of dwelling on the past....--Katie

An important experience for me--I feel I moved on...--Lindsay

I feel like I¹ve undergone a rite of passage...--Julia


FACILITATOR: Meredith Wheeler: I'm a transpersonal psychotherapist who has facilitated fertility groups for 14 years. Based on that experience I wrote a Practice Guide for the British Infertility Counselling Association (BICA) on therapeutic group work for fertility problems-A Creative Approach to Group Work for Women with Fertility Problems. I specialised in this field as a result of my own experience of infertility.

Before moving to France, I served on the Executive Committee of BICA. For many years I was Editor-in-Chief of the Journal of Fertility Counselling, BICA's professional journal. I'm originally from the United States (near Chicago), a graduate of Stanford University.

To book on-line, email for a registration form. Some bursaries are available to people who are unemployed or on low incomes. Otherwise please pay in advance.

To find out more about the workshop, contact:

Meredith Wheeler
St. Martin de Dauzats
Lautrec, 81440 France
Tel: (00 33) 563 59 11 32
Fax: (00 33) 563 59 11 31
email: [email protected]

I have many articles written by men and women who have taken part which I can email, as well as my own writing about the fertility support groups.

 

[astrid]

Hi Mel and Jac
Thanks for the information, it has been interesting reading.
I am alittle confused (you always get one). Do you think it would be worth going to one of these meetings for women coming to terms with a 'childless future'. I was looking for a place or a get together for women who are in a similiar position as myself possibly facing a childless future...
What would be the best suggestion can you help?
Thanks astridxx

 

[Mel]

Hi Astrid

I know Jac highly recommends Merediths workshops and it helped both her and Chase a great deal, i personaly havnt been to one of her meets so maybe asking Jac is the way to go but from what i have heard it does sound beneficial and i think you would get something out of it.

Mel

x x x

 

[suzyp]

Dear Mel

Same question as Astrid really - would the workshop be of anybenefit for those of us who have decided to live with childnessless? If so could you email me a registration form please - thanks alot

Sue Parker

 

[astrid]

hi mel
Thanks for taking the time to get back to me..
Like Sue i am interested in the workshop and to also meet others in the same position..
Where would I have to go to get further details..Also if you are around Jac can you advise me further (if you get five mins) i would apprieciate it.
Hi Sue how are you keeping?

Thanks Astridx

 

[astrid]

hi jac
Thanks for taking some time out to explain all details about the workshop. I am not quite sure if i am ready for this as we may embark on one more tx and i feel abit mixed up about letting go lots of emotions.. I will contact Meridith anyway and will see where to go from there.
Thanks for all your time and energy..
love astridxxxxx

 

[Nicky]

Hi Mel & Jac - do you know if any more workshops are planned in the near future, as I can't make this particular weekend and had planned to attend?

Love Nicky xxxxx

 

[Mel]

Hi Nicky

Meredith holds a few worshps a year, i dont know her dates, it may be worth phoning her and asking.

Love

Mel x x

 

[Nicky]

Thanks Mel - I've made contact with Meredith and will post future dates (if that's okay??) for anyone else unable to join the September
workshop.

Thanks again - much love Nicky xxxxxx

 

[Nicky]

...just to let you know Meredith has been in touch. At the moment, there are no other UK dates planned currently.

Love Nicky xxxx

 

[sas jane v]

hi girls - this sounds a good w/e and thanks Nicky for asking about other dates Im thinking about giving it a whorl as we are coming close to stopping - anybody else interesred ? cant see my dh wanting to go so I wuold go on my own I think

Sarah xx

 

[sas jane v]

Thanks Jac for your words of encouragement - it sounds a positive way of dealing with what is for some of us years of different emotions and i think a good spring clean would help a lot of us make room again for all the good things to come in our lives

thanks again


Sarah xx

 

[Juel]

Hi all

I might be interested in future dates,not sure that Dave would though,so maybe we could get a few of us together Sarah to hold each others hands!
luv
juels xx

 

[sas jane v]

sounds good to me Juel can you make Sept??
Astrid - thanks for your IM - and yes am thinking of going -will ring Meredith first - cant seem to email her at the mo
anybody else interested

Sarah xx

 

[Bel07]

Hi Sarah

I wouldn't mind going seeing as I have met both you and Juel. My DP would defo not go.

Let me know.

Love Bel xx

 

[LucyEgg]

Hi ladies

Hope you don't mind me butting in but I asked a member of More to Life about this workshop, and who should attend, and I quote:

"This workshop is for MTL people only – so people have to have stopped treatment.

She does run workshops for more open groups and that’s why we decided to have one only for MTL people"

This obviously is a contradiction to what Jac said earlier on this post (sorry Jac!), so I will seek clarification today.

I don't want to put anyone off at all, and I don't mean to offend anyone when I say this, but as someone who is still less than a year into learning to live their life childfree, I would not at this stage feel comfortable attending a workshop such as this alongside other infertile couples who are continuing treatment. I know we all have experienced infertility losses of many different kinds, and I respect that, but I personally need to feel safe amongst other men/women/couples who are also coming to terms with their childlessness.

I apologise if anyone is offended by my post, it isn't intended to offend, just to try to explain the needs of someone who is attempting to live child free!

Love
Lucy
xxx

 

[sas jane v]

Hi Lucy - thanks for your post and nice to hear from you again.if you could clarify this for us as I think it would help as I know I havent quite finished tx but am nearly there mysef
perhaps a more open workshop might suit some of us and others may prefer that everyone has stopped tx .I can certainly understand that

thanks Lucy and hope you and dh are well

Sarah xx

 

[Fee]

just wondered if anyone went to this, and what people thought about it

 

[sas jane v]

Hi everyone - have spoken to meredith about the workshop and am booking up for Feb 2005 dates are 19-20 (Sat/Sun) London -possibly Neals Yard Convent Garden if anybody else interested
  also anybody knoy anywhere cheap and cheerful to stay - have got rellies down there but might not be a good idea this time i thought

  you can book thru email to meredith/tel no

be nice to meet some ffriends there too


      sarah x

 

[jayneanthea]

Hello

I have been reading through the messages and probably had a bit of a reality check. I was very over enthusiastic about trying another ICSI but then read about the hydrosalpinx and best having them removed (I had a natural ectopic in Jan 2000 so have just one tube left - hydro). I have to be realistic and I just jumped onto the idea of trying another cycle. If we don't try ICSI again then our chances of ever having a family are finished. I was diagnosed with depression in March of last year - refused to take any medication and dealt with it myself through friends, herbalist and just being honest with myself over matters and being strong. We looked at adoption again in September of last year and were told by two agencies that they would not consider us for at least two years following depression diagnosis. As I was adopted myself, I had always been very keen to follow this route however this also has caused problems. Because I do not have the standard mum/dad and natural mum/dad - I was partly raised by my adopted dad's brother and his wife (is it too confusing>) - I have in essence three sets of parents. All my dads died when I was Adopted Dad - 16, Uncle (who was the closest) - 20 and Natural Dad - 30. I have now an adopted mum who is 87 and aunt who is 79 - both of whom are unwell. My natural mother and I do not really exchange in any way.

2 of the Adoption agencies have ruled me out completely due to this background and that I will have to come to terms with the death of my adopted mum and aunt over the next few years.

I realised tonight through reading various messages that we are really stumped. Our only option is to go through more ICSI which at my age and with FSh of 12.5 is pretty unlikely to be positive (sorry I am usually really really positive!!). I wouldn't go with egg donation just because of my own ethics - I know how it is to find out parents are who you thought and it can be pretty devastating particularly if natural parents want you to be their 'own'. There is also the messiness of it all - you are the parents but genetically you are not. Probably because it has been an issue in my own life I couldn;t put another child through it. With adoption (which both DH and myself would much prefer to do - looking after the ones that are here in need of a family - there is no pretence.

What can we do?

Any thoughts would be really appreciated.

Jayne