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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi

Me and my dh are giving up on IVF, after losing our little boy at 8 weeks old, we tried again 7 months later, but it is not to be.  We have both found this cycle too difficult so are not going to cycle again.

I have read on here somewhere that you need to leave 6 months after your last cycle before you try down the adoption route, is this true ?
Also when i have looked at St Helens website (where i live) they only state that you cannot do a fertility treatment and apply for adoption at the same time, so does that mean i don't have to wait 6 months !!

I realise that 6 months is not a long time in the grand scheme of things, but i just want to get started on getting my family complete again !!!!!

Any help anyone can give is much appreciated

Janette
 

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hi, i think it depends on the LA you go with as to their rules about this but I would enquire and ask, it doesnt hurt! im in the fostering process at the mo and the SW just said as long as we can show we're over all the infertility side of things then its fine to proceed

good luck and sorry for your loss  ^hugme^
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Hi Jo

We are over the infertility side of thingsi,in the sense that we are both happy to stop now,as this cycle has been too much for us.
but it is obviously still hard over losing Nathen, i have had couselling over this, but obviously do still get emotional at times about it.....do you think this would go against us....

Know is one way a silly question, as is very difficult to get over losing a child, but in another way i understand that they have to make sure it is a stable homelife

Janette
 

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i dont think it will stand against you as i dont think you can really ever 'get over' infertility anyway. they just like to know you've had time to grieve and can be stable enough for the adoption side of things. always be honets with them and they will respect that and will try to help etc. its also good that you're seeing a councellor as they can see you're not afraid to ask for help if needed etc

  ^reiki^ ^reiki^ ^reiki^ make that call!  ;)
 

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Hi Janette & welcome!

Firstly, I am sorry to hear of your loss.  ^hugme^

I remember being told we had to wait 6mths before applying to adopt. I was beside myself with anxiety and despair. All I wanted to do was jump straight into it, and patch over the treatment not working. It had been like at the end of each cycle, I didnt want to wait that 4-6 weeks, I wanted to be actively making my family, the very next day! So I know how you feel in that respect.

4 years on from initially applying to adopt, I can look back now and say with certainty that making me wait that 6mths, was the best thing for me.
I obviously didn't think so at the time. But in hindsight I know that I needed to take a step back, and have the time to come to terms with the treatment and to grieve for what wasn't meant to be.
When you're trying for a family, it becomes every thought of every waking minute. Nothing else matters, and we find it hard to focus on anything else.
When you take a step off the rollercoaster, you eventually get back into being yourself, the person before the IVF journeys. And although that dream and pain is still there, it lessens in importance over time. The pressure is off and you learn to relax again. And believe me! You should get all the rest and relaxation you can in the meantime, cos once the adoption process has started, you'll be busy busy!!
Hand on heart, I was so reluctant to allow my dream of becoming pregnant to slip away, and now I am the proudest mummy in the world with (almost 2!) gorgeous daughters. It is worth waiting for  ;)

OMG! I am sorry to rambling on!
Back to your question! I know that authorities vary in their waiting rules.
They will want to make sure you have accepted and come to terms (as much as possible) with your loss, and the cycles of treatment. And will want to know that you are ready to move on.

Best wishes xx
 

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Hi, 1st of all I want to say how sorry I am to hear about your little Nathan, I understand how you feel after losing him, we lost our daughter, 3 yrs ago this October, at 6 months old, so I know how hard it is to cope with that.  ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^ ^hugme^

We had our info evening on Monday, and they said for anyone who had been through treatment, they liked you to have waited a year after finishing treatment before starting the adoption process.
But I should imagine, like everything else, everywhere is different.  ^hugme^
 

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You would not be 'normal' if losing your little boy Nathan did not affect you.  What a dreadful heartbreaking thing to go through  ^hugme^ 

I said to our SW that i believe you never totally 'get over' a significant loss,  you just learn to live with it and in time it no longer defines who you are  ^hugme^

I cannot begin to imagine what losing a little one feels like and my heart goes out to you and Hevs1970. 

Take your time.  Remember that it is ok to feel the raw emotions of your loss.  You will be able to empathise with a little one who has lost their bio mum and dad/foster parents, there is a lot of 'loss' for a child in care and it is good that you will be able to show empathy with a little one.

GOOD LUCK  ^hugme^
Dame Edna
 
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